Hey everyone, Snow here with a somewhat annual update on how things are going.

Uhm, I don't wanna ramble, but I also wanna express my thoughts and think I owe people some explanations on why I have been silent for many weeks now.

Drawing is currently "not working", I try daily, but there's just nothing I haven't already drawn before that I wanna bring to life, so the canvas just stays empty. So my plan is to just distance myself from art entirely for a while and concentrate on other things. Nothing I haven't done or talked about before, so we'll not dwell on this point too much.

Current health status of the Snowdog. Ooookay, so, I already talked in a previous journal about probably needing therapy, so I finally got a therapist ( is it... psychiatrist? Not sure on the actual terminology in English here ), but uh, yeah that's not going well. I don't know if this was bad luck, can't really believe it was "normal", either, but when the guy I'm trying to talk to about whatever problems I have sighs, rolls his eyes or chuckles a few times per hour... I'm not sure I'm being taken serious? It's little gut-punches when you attempt to trust a random stranger ( an expert, allegedly ) with really personal, sometimes embarrassing things, and their demeanor is a mix of bored and derogatory about everything you say. So, to no surprise, I'm not going there anymore, and I'm unsure if i should attempt to find a new therapist anymore. It's a ton of waiting time and, well, decently expensive, not sure if I wanna roll the dice again or just continue working on myself without external help again.

Well that was mental health.
Yesterday, I already ranted about this on the discord server, I woke up with a kind of stabbing pain in my right eye. Went to the doctor, and he gave me a recipe for an ointment, all fine, I go home, apply the ointment, go to bed. Next morning, the pain is worse. So back to the doctor it was and he told me the thing he believed to be just a clogged gland was actually something else. Long story short, I was transfered to a different doctor who prooobably knew better? Anyway, now I'm wearing an eye patch ( blue, so that's cool I guess ), annnd I'll have to keep that on for a while. So for some weeks I think I'll only have one eye. Tried drawing like that just for testing, it really isn't all that fun lol.

About two weeks ago, neighbors reported my dog for having gotten into a fight with theirs. My parents were outside picking apples ( the tree, as well as our property, stretches out behind their house ), and they left the garden door unlocked. Doggo can just open it if it's only closed and not properly locked. So he went to the neighbor's dog who is always outside in her little enclosure, and they got into a "fight". They were still seperated by metal bars, so it wasn't anything serious. Both had a tiny scratch each at the muzzle, but the neighbor's dog also had a scratch at the paw, for which they decided to go to the doctor with her. We decided we'd pay their bill, since it was unfortunately our dog running around freely, so the blame was definitely ours. Few days later I get a letter that the dog has been reported. Great, I think, a slightly spicier gut-punch this time, gotta get this sorted out with the neighbors as quickly as possible or I'm not sleeping anymore for the next couple nights. Of course I gave my parents hell for this as well, as I have told them infinitely many times in the past to lock the freakin garden doors, and had to instigate several conversations with the neighbors so they would decide not to sue and just drop this whole thing. About ten long days later, this is finally settled, no more reporting my doggo. About Kiba, he always was and still is a sweetheart, he just really doesn't like certain dogs, the neighbors' just being one of them. Like, they give him treats everytime we pass their house and have him run freely around them on birthday parties when they're in our garden. It's also not like we just opened the doors and told him to go get into fights, it was an accident due to people who are 70+ years old at this point. Took so long to get that through their heads. But yeah, it's all good now. Didn't help me mentally though.

Right now I... just need rest. My dog is the reason I have been able to live through things over the years that I might not have otherwise. If someone had come to take him away or anything, yeah I would have just lost it. I thought about going to a different country for a week or two, just, entirely away from everything, no internet even, just me and doggo for a while, maybe over the holidays, who knows. I saved up a bit of money to be fine for a while even without being productive, but that's just the next little gut-punch to be honest, that I have my patreon page still where I always try to upload weekly but haven't been able to do so in a month now. I haven't even clicked on my profile, I'm literally scared of seeing people having left, even though they have every right to do so of course. Patreon is, when it comes down to it, great, amazing even, but lately it just keeps hammering the thought into my head "If I keep working on this picture, it'll probably have to go on patreon so I have a weekly post", and then it doesn't quite get any... response or interaction as compared to FA, and I just like reading what people have to say and just, share. Just share fun images that as many people as possible can enjoy. For now, though, I don't have any fun, or energy creating them in the first place.


And that's pretty much what I wanted to say.
Well then, with that I'll quietly take my leave for a bit longer. I'll be back eventually, because I still wanna spend much, much time drawing and creating things, but I need to find the joy to do so again first.

I apologize for the long silence and hope you can be a bit more patient with me, and if not, I do understand.
Thank you for reading~