I know I like NEVER log on here or post anything any more, but I really REALLY need to vent my emotions right now and have someone see it.
I can't just write in a private journal for myself because I already know how I'm feeling; I need someone else to tell me they know what I'm going through so I know it's normal.

My brother died a few weeks ago. 33 years old and he just stopped breathing in his sleep.
My mother is playing the sympathy card and even had the audacity to say she now has nothing to live for while her pregnant daughter (me) stands there in the same fucking room while she says this.

Now, let me tell you a bit about my mother. She is one of the worst mothers you could ever possibly fucking imagine.
She left her boyfriend to babysit while he was drunk and he gave little 18 month old me a bath with scalding hot water, dumped it right over my head then she sided with him when my father threatened to kill him.
Another boyfriend of hers molested me when I was 6, again; she sides with him.
She moved out of one of her apartments and left my sister a note when she was 14 telling her to "Go stay with Melissa."
She's the reason my brother was mentally ill as she took acid while she was carrying him.

This is not even half of what my mother has done.

My brother died in Ontario two days after he and my father had a fight and my father ended up kicking him out. My father is not my brother's biological dad, but he has ALWAYS been there for him. Always.
My dad is a wreck since my brother died. He's been drinking a lot, he can't eat or sleep. He feels responsible for what happened to my brother because he kicked him out and feels that if he had let my brother stay; he could have stopped him from dying.
He's alone through all of this while the rest of my family is down here and my brother's remains were just sent down.

While we were in the process of figuring out how we were going to get his remains home and what we needed to do, my mother was being a complete idiot. When someone would call her with information regarding my brother and the rest of us would ask her about it, she would reply with "I don't know.", "It isn't real.", "It's not happening."
When we told her "It's kind of important" she freaked out and told us all she doesn't care how we feel.
Because, you know; it's all about her and everyone should feel sorry for her because she lost her son. So basically she expected my brother to sit in a fucking morgue until she could wrap her head around it.
Which is funny considering she never gave a shit while he was alive.

Everyone called her an idiot and she decided to storm off like a little brat because no one was giving her the attention she wanted. Waaa, waa.
Anyways, she's playing the grieving mother card, and everyone in my family has called her on her bullshit UNTIL she did what she's done SEVERAL times; threatens to kill herself.
OH NO!

My aunt comes running, even after she herself has called my mother a bad mother and an idiot all because she's worried my mother is going to off herself; which she's threatened to do several times in the past and guess what? She's still fucking here.
So my aunt is team Nancy now (My mother) and she took my son to go camping this weekend. While we were in the car with her after she picked him up, she was driving me to an appointment so I didn't have to take the bus and my mother came up (Go figure) and I brought up how my dad was trying to be supportive even though he pretty much hates her guts.
I told my aunt how my mother is being unfair and how she told my dad he wasn't my brother's real father so he has no rights in the matter; which is EXTREMELY cruel.
My aunt goes and fucking says "Well he isn't, I'd have said the same thing."

Are you fucking kidding me!? My dad is the ONE person who has always been there for my brother. The person that was there with him before he died; the rest of us hadn't seen him since 2009! Yet they are going to say this shit to him?!
So my aunt brings up how my dad called her a bad mother and how he shouldn't say shit like that to her at a time like this but the fact of the matter is, my dad never said that until AFTER she said the whole speel about him not being my brother's real dad.
That apparently makes no difference in my aunt's eyes because poor fucking Nancy is grieving and it's all about her right now.
My aunt even went and said she doesn't care about my brother right now; all she's concerned about is Nancy,

MY BROTHER IS FUCKING DEAD!

I am so beyond fucking upset, I can't even describe the pain and the anger I am feeling.
My fucking mother has gone and made it all about her, fuck the fact that my brother is GONE; lets all fucking feel sorry for the horrible bitch of a mother!!!!

I can't stop crying, I am so hurt.
I hope she does fucking kill herself, I will not shed a tear. I hate her, I hate that she's doing this!
I hate that my aunt is eating it up the way she is.
My aunt called my dad a couple hours ago to tell him she's sitting around a campfire my mother and his grandson whom he's never met and we both think she's trying to make him feel bad to try and give my piece of shit mother some kind of satisfaction.

My brother's service is Tuesday and my mother is obviously going to be there. I'm going to have to play nice and it's going to be so fucking hard.
I just want her to fucking kill herself already, so threatening and do it.