i am sneaking on when i should be grounded, so bare with me if i'm silent for a while longer.

i just have something gnawing at me that i need to express.

thing is, i have no idea what or who the fuck i am. i've put such a fake face on, especially here on the internet i've come to live out a lie as if it were truth. Especially since a certain incident back on DA, I'm paranoid about what is safe to tell anyone anymore. Reactions i got, both online and in real life... they scared me. Even to my closest friends, i'm not myself. Sometimes when a conversation gets a bit personal i avoid the mask and just stop commenting altogether.

Too many people have a problem with what is under my mask that i never take it off. I'm not free to be who I really am anymore. I hate it and i don't know what to do.

To tell the truth, the ONLY person EVER who i have completely taken off the mask around is Luminaria (AKA CreatureOfDarkness). We've grown up together and i couldn't hide something from her if i tried.

All I want is to toss out the mask and move on, but the mask has made friends i adore and cherish, and the last thing i want is to lose them, hurt them, or scare them.

I am me, but who knows the REAL me?

No one does anymore. I want to change that. I want others to know who i am and accept it. but i know that a few will not. in fact they'd HATE the me i have locked in hiding. And i know that some of those who will no doubt hate me will in fact read this journal.

I just don't know what to do...