Silver was born as an internet personality waaaay back in 2003, when I was the ripe young age of 13. I had felt the connection to Silver (back then call N'harren Soldova) when I was quite a bit younger, but the introduction to the internet had helped him grow into a full-blown personality that soon became me. It started out where many young roleplayers did, in Yahoo! chat rooms. There I learned the finer points of roleplaying (and just scratched the creepy side of the web). Silver developed as a personality I used online for quite some time. I had shown a rather obsessive attractions to dragons at a young age, which only grew stronger with Silver being a part of my life. One day, while I was looking up dragon-related stories on the web, I came across someone who not only played as a dragon, but BELIEVED they were a dragon. Naturally, this interested me.

Long story short, I found that what this person said rang true with me in nearly every sense. I felt as if I -was- Silver. About that time I was dealing with becoming a teenager, struggling through social interactions in life due to a rather militantly Christian family, and an abusive stepmother. I never really got to learn how to properly be social, something I still struggle with (but have and am working on all the time). I lived with my grandmother at this time who had taken me out of the abusive home when it had reached a peak, and a gun got involved. So having some bit of power in my life, like having been this powerful creature all the time, really helped me get through the rough times.

Now I was rather staunch in this belief for a long time. I was Silver the dragon. But it became less and less 'forced' if you will, and more just an integral part of my self. I no longer needed to question myself with the strange actions I had, or my strange ways of seeing the world. I felt more comfortable introducing this side of myself to friends and a little later on, lovers. About the time I graduated high school, and went out to pursue life, Silver had become me. I didn't differentiate between my given name and Silver, as far as I was concerned, I preferred the latter, and tolerated the first.

Being thrust out into the world with only the education of a public school system and a rather incomplete knowledge of how the world worked was scary. I never got to learn many of the skills that were important to be an adult. The first thing I had to do was learn how to not only balance a job, but balance rent, utilities, and relationships. This started out in a rental house with two of my best friends of the time. These guys had known about Silver since high school, and not only tolerated, but openly accepted and encouraged my odd mannerisms. It was a wonderful time, but alas was cut short. Loss of jobs, unfair division of chores, and drama within our group of friends caused a big falling out, and ended up us going our separate ways. I didn't know what to do. I had lost my job and my home. I was very fortunate that my mother was willing to take me in once more.

I had to rely on my belief of being a strong, powerful dragon for awhile after that, because life became incredibly rough. After surfing my mother's couch for awhile, unable to secure a job, she made it clear that I needed to go. So I did. I packed up what little I had left and moved to live with my grandmother again. After a few months there, my grandmother's husband kicked me out for not being able to find sustainable income, and for the fact that I had started locking myself in my room all day when I wasn't out looking for work. I lived with an aunt for awhile, who gave me a futon in a garage. At this point, all I had was my computer, some donated ramen, a car, and a few sets of clothes to my name. For two months, I stayed locked in that garage, only venturing out at night to scrounge what money I could to get even the cheapest bit of food. I nearly wasted to death in that time. Until finally, sobbing, I called my mother again. I begged her to help me because I hadn't been able to support myself.

She once again pulled me back home. But this time, it was different. Not only did she help me secure a job, and start school, but she bought me a tiny one bedroom mobile home to call my own. I'd pay her back over time for it was the deal. It was wonderful. But still, dark times were ahead for me. My vehicle broke down, and the job I had secured relied on me having it. So I lost it. After scrambling, I managed to find another job, again with my mother's help (from a neighbor too, who was kind enough to recommend me to the owner of the business she was in). It was a miserable job. I hated it every day, and it barely kept food in my stomach, much less my rent to my mother and paying for school. I had to drop school. But at the same time, I was still working through the terrible times with Silver backing me up. I was a dragon, and we were a strong bunch, after all.

Then I met a girl. She was young, pretty, and kind. She was artistic and smart. And she was taken. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not sorry for it either. The person she was with was making her incredibly unhappy. And we had developed a deep attachment to each other. Unfortunately, being young and stupid, we didn't do things the way rational adults should have. We cheated on her current boyfriend. When he caught us, the game was up. But she was in love with me, so she came to live with me. I don't regret it at all. Not only did she love me, but she loved me as Silver, because she too was not a human in spirit. Unfortunately, bad times were still ahead. When she came to live with me in my little mobile home, I had quit the job I hated. My mother took exception to that, and kicked me out of the home that she technically owned. What was I to do?

Well a little luck came my way...my lover and new girl still had an apartment in her name. We went to live there, along with a good friend of mine. Finding a job was still not easy though, being that it was the time of high unemployment and low jobs. After a small job in Kansas where I worked for Amazon, I found myself back with my grandmother. My girlfriend followed along with me, not because she had to...but because she loved me and wanted to be with me. It was this time that I was fortunate enough to land a job (that I'm still in today!). I supported both myself and my new love, and eventually, we were able to get our very own place. It was the start of my life. The start of our life. While our relationship was strong, it had some rocky points...we were still both so young and stupid, and still in a teenager's mindframe. After two years, we had a falling out very close to our marriage date.

I curse myself for the mistakes I had made back then. I still do. But the falling out was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Someone else was chosen over me, and because of the circumstances of the breakup, I had my heart ripped out. This girl was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I loved her so intensely. I still do to this day. But my inability to be a good mate drove her to find comfort in another's arms. This was the time that I had started to really question whether or not I was Silver still. Silver was supposed to be a good mate, strong and loving. Was I no longer that?

The coming months after the break up were a blur. I went through the motions, never really focusing on anything. I had just lost the meaning to my life, after all. I spiraled into depression. Friends and family seemed to drift away from me. One night, however, it became too much, and I stuck the barrel of a gun in my mouth, ready to end my life. I thank whatever gods are out there that there was still one person to hear my cry. He talked me down, he set in motion the wheels to get me help. I spent some time in a mental facility, learning how to cope with depression (and the multiple personality disorder I had developed thanks to the emotional stress). With time, in the span of a few months, I felt alright. I was at least able to settle into life once more. I still was just going through the motions. The mental facility was able to help with my mental problems, but they would never be able to help with getting my purpose back.

Time passed, as it does. I began opening up socially again. I dated a bit with a few people. I started going out and meeting new people and doing things again. Little by little, I rebuilt myself, became happier with each passing day. But I still had that lingering doubt in my mind, about being a dragon, being Silver.

It took a small trip down memory lane for me to realize that I wasn't Silver anymore. As I browsed through pictures, videos, and drawings, I fondly remembered good things, regretfully learned from bad memories, and let my heart speak to me. I was no longer this inexperienced young boy. I had learned (in a very short span of time) many of the adult things in the world. I learned about true, soul-rending pain. I learned about how cold the world can be. But I also learned a warm side too. I had, unconsiously, been on the road to self-improvement. I still am. I work to be that better person that Silver was supposed to represent. Then I knew that I had become my new self. Silver Redwing is still an ideal, a part of me that will never die as long as I have my fond memories and the aching warnings of history. Silver reminds me to be wary. He reminds me to be forgiving. But most of all, he reminds me to be a better person.

I hope, pray, and strive to do just that, even if I look and feel a little different now.

To Silver's friends: Don't forget him, and don't lose the person he is attached to. Though he has a different name and body, he still cares for you.

To Silver's one love: Despite all the problems, fights, and the eventual, bitter end...I love you. My only regret is that we never got to repair the damage and become as one again.

With love, respect, and care,

Zachery L. Morrow, AKA Mizuki Cereval