Whoever reads this, I'm going to tell you now. You do matter, you do deserve love, life, happiness, friends, to be seen. Yes, I am a stranger to you or a friend or someone you have seen. Yes, my name is SmileMiles. I'll tell you how I made this name, but first I'll say this. I have depression, and I have thoughts of suicide, of not deserving things. I believe I shouldn't get anything from anyone, but I get them anyway. I have a good life, loving parents, siblings who I care about, pets I love, friends who care about me, a roof over my head, food I can eat, items. I expect all of them but I've had my bad times too. My parents are divorced, I don't get to see my dad as often as I want, I worry about how people see me, I often need someone to help me when I panic, I need someone to be my anchor. I spend my time in my room alone, I don't like to talk. I take everything to heart, I can't stand up for myself, I rely on my sister more than I should, I have a therapist I talk to, I hate being alone but I want to be alone, my friends are far away. I keep to myself and I keep my feelings hidden. I break down in tears when I can't handle anything anymore. I've been sexual harassed, I believe there is a good side to everything, I trust people often that I get hurt in the end, I've been bullied, cyber bullied, I've been in a fight, I've been near death, and once I became a bully. But I bullied only one girl who is my best friend now, I bullied her cuz her name was longer then mine, I was in 4th grade. I've lost friends, I've posted sad thing's online, once I didn't want to go to school to I faked being sick, I didn't want to face my bullies. One friend, I was close to her became a bully to me, we stopped being friends, I was hurt. I've thought about cutting, of killing myself, but I get scared. I don't like pain, and I don't like seeing my loved ones in pain. I have to take pills for my depression, I thought I was a freak. My panic attacks I need pills to, I thought I became a drug addic. No, I was not a freak, I was not a drug addic. When I heard the pills I was getting, I laughed. They sounded like an evil character out of a story. I called myself SmileMiles, I have come so many miles in my life, I was sad and frowned. But I decided, if I was going to face life, I'll face it with a smile. To show I am strong, to show I'm okay. I'm called SmileMiles, to smile no matter the miles I face.
That is my story, I'm still working on it. I still have life I have to live. If you need someone to talk to, I'll gladly talk. You have questions I'll answer, you want a friend, you had one when you read this. I poured my life, my feelings, out to show those who have thoughts of suicide, I'm here, I'll talk you out of it, I'll do anything to help you keep going. To face life with a smile.