So, I don't usually make these journals, but this past year has been so full of milestones, I wanted to leave myself a bit of a marker.

So, I'm not usually one to celebrate my birthday, lots of bad vibes from parents that didn't do me any favors, and an ex of mine passing away on this day 2 years ago. I often associate this day with hurt, malaise, and spend my energy focusing on other people. This is just how I've always wanted to be, other people make me happy, seeing them happy makes me happy. It's a whole trauma/autism thing for me.

However, back in February on valentines day, one of my beloved polycule decided it was time to pop a very important question: if I'll spend the rest of my life with her and our poly. I said yes, and ugly cried on the Boston sea port in the middle of winter. I've had a lot of bad and good things happen ever since I turned 18 and started living for myself. But, I never thought someone would understand and love me enough to give me a piece of jewelry as a symbol of a promise, a symbol that I am someone so inherently special to them that they can't imagine the rest of their lifespan without me in it. It makes me want to be a better partner, it makes me want to learn better communication, better empathy, to become a more patient and understanding person. I'm gonna stumble, but I want to do better to by my fiancés.

I also have been dedicating mental energy on the ANE safety team. I got put in charge of organizing the lost and found, and whenever I saw people sigh in relief or thank us for having their lost items, I like seeing people happy, I want to see people be happy.

I also had a few incidents of people trying to either dictate how my polycule behaves over the years; People saying we need to be more open, let them specifically in, set the terms for a relationship they were not a part of, or just be less of a committed relationship so they can date one specific person in our polycule. This took a bit of a head with a now ex-friend back in the fall, and all it did was make my polycule find the right person as it's final member. Her French perspective helped me do so much growing as a person and I well say Je T'aime to her every single day.

I also have been working on my health! I am a disabled person - took a nasty fall back in 2009, and as a result I have extreme difficulties with mobility and pain. Well, after returning to my house after my Boston visit, I took the advice of my beloved 'Poss and got a sleep study done, as well as bloodwork. I'll be getting a CPAP soon for my sleep apnea, so I'll be doing much better on some fronts, and I've been losing weight for personal health, while also learning how to love my body in spite of my dysphoria. Once I reach my target weights, I will be returning to HRT to make my body into something I can better enjoy living in. Using Semaglutides, I am already down 15 pounds in 1 week, I am doing fantastic and I can't wait to see my final weights in a year or so of doing this drug with better diet and exercise.

It's been an eventful life so far, and 34 is a milestone for me. I joke that it's my porn year because I have the humor of a 14 year old, sue me. But, this birthday is different to me because of the wonderful people I said yes too. We will have our problems, all relationships do and ours is a very complicated one as is! We're learning, we're growing, we're loving.

But, with that, I wish I could have had my ex at my eventual wedding. In spite of the falling out we had, I genuinely did love them. I will love my partners for them, I'll grow as a person for them, and I'll learn to do it all for me for them.

I miss you Taishi, you dork. Even if I wasn't that great of a friend after we broke up, I'll always be sorry about the ways I made you feel; That wasn't who I should have been, My day will always be your day to me and I'm okay with that. I just hope that I can carry your memories inside for many decades to come.

And if my partners ever get to this part on this Journal: Kat, Maeve, Quinn, Crystal, and Umbra; You five are the reason I am able to see years into the future. I'll do my best if you all keep doing your best.

I'm gonna go order a slice or two of Pizza and solve the sphinxes riddle that is organizing myself and 5 other trans girls together for the day.

Be well everyone!