With the final month of this year coming to a close, I think it's time to reflect on what has happened to me this year. Based on the title I don't think you need any warnings about how serious this is...but believe me when I say to you that I'm not being hyperbolic about this, as probably the most traumatic thing in my life has happened thus far. It's just how it is...so much so that because of everything, I'm forced to stay calm and prevent myself from raging and screaming at how stressful this has been. With that said, here we go!

So it was late February that was when this all started. My mother seemed ill but it didn't seem like anything that much surprising. She has had instances of sudden concerns and previously a similar incident did NOT need the ER like I thought...well...that was not the case this time. My mother already told me how she was sick and didn't have the strength to get meds, but again I thought it was just something that would pass. She had me get some alcohol because she couldn't sleep for a long time...also probably to hydrate.

I was playing a game and all of a sudden heard a loud thump! She fell off the bed and was in a similar phase of delirium that I've seen before, but it was much, much worse! She could not stay conscious except that she needed me to grab a paper towel to clean something as she couldn't make the bathroom. Because of how much worse it seemed, I had to call 911 and sadly this was the last time she was in the house. She was really out of it and the people actually had to have her go to an ambulance.

Just to speed up what happened, over the course of 2-3 days the paramedics could not get her back to a conscious state again and her organs were failing. We had to make the decision to take off all life support...and mother passed away late in the night. It's hard to know exactly what was wrong, but she seemed to have flu symptoms. I'm not sure what else to say about that though...but reality is reality and sometimes a 71-year-old body just can't live anymore.

So I got to be with my one brother and sister-in-law during all this, then later to prepare for the funeral my sister came over out of state to assist us. Unfortunately my father and other brother were completely absent during all this...which entails how deep the enstrangement is with my mother. During mother's funeral, I gave a really good speech that goes through how I've been able to mentally survive through this traumatic experience, in a case where most other people would crash out completely.

For a brief moment I felt like the activeness of the grief process would help me recover and start a new life without my mother. Unfortunately, things went South from here. During the funeral preparation, I was already told by my new Power of Attorney the possibility of needing to sell the house and car. This gets to the part that...quite honestly makes mother's death infinitely harder than...my Biblical undestanding of knowing my mother is in heaven.

As you could see, my entire family is split up. Early in our lives, mother and father divorced, which led us to sell the house. My father had my brothers, my sister was already in another state for college, and my mother had me. Three to four apartments later over the course of years, my mother was able to afford the home that I'm in...well, for the time being. Unfortunately, my mother being single and only having me meant we more recently were barely able to make payments for maintaining the house. My mother worked full-time working with kids in a school, but even with that, Social Security, and healthcare...we needed an extra source of help from the church in order to complete payments. This also meant that my mother had to keep working past retirement age and using her retirement to help with maintenance as well. My mother also had money left over for emergencies, which would now be used as a "Trust Fund" to keep me afloat...but again, lets be realistic here...my mother still didn't have much...

So you can see how this all comes together. It feels like the damage that occurred with the divorce, the estrangement of my siblings, had a lot to do with why my mother had very little for me, except for the house and whatever is valuable underneath all the items packed in there. With very little money left and bills coming in rapid pace over the course of 9 months, my Power of Attorney has had to sell mother's car and now we're approaching the phase of me needing to move out of the house...

Yes, you heard that. I actually have to move out sooner than later. That is because during this time, we've also had run-ins with my home owner's insurance and this company could not insure the house in the state it's currently in. As a result, we're working to get a different place for insurance, but also I have to start cleaning out the house.

Sorry that I didn't already mention that last November I got fired for reasons I don't want to get into, but I've been unsure how to pursue employment after that...but again, with the way bills have been coming in, I'd barely get even by working full-time.

Anyway...yeah...want some good news in all of this? Because I think maybe there could be some glimmer of hope. This fella here...!
 macardientertainment
He has really been helpful in figuring out alternatives to this. We've had to navigate the possibility of losing my six cats, should I move to an apartment to PA (hold on, I'm getting to the good part!). It just so happens that Spirit has worked with his family with a condo business and may find a condo/house in Ohio to offset me losing the house. I won't lose as much in the process, I won't lose the cats, and I'll live near Spirit, whom I've been talking to for...gosh, over 15 years?

Yeah, I'm trying to hold on to hope and Spirit has been talking with my Power of Attorney about this working out somehow. I think this will be a big break from losing my only supportive family member. Unfortunately...and not to continue being sour...this definitely would happen NEXT year in 2026...!

So sadly I can't even end this year on a high note, but something helpful did happen where Spirit got to come over to see me for the weekend. It was a short moment of relief as he also was able to work with my Power of Attorney to help move items, but it was a nice refresher after everything that has happened.

For a couple days I finally got to see my father and other brother this Thanksgiving. Thankfully (literally) I did not have any drama, but frustratingly nothing was talked about regarding my mother's passing. Literally nothing, which honestly tells me a lot about my family even at the end of things. It's almost like not even estrangement can be broken enough to fix the current pain that I'm in. Not enough sympathy, no financial support, none of that! Honestly stuff like this makes me wonder what I'd do if I had my own family...like wouldn't I just want to keep a hypothetical child from this sort of hell that I'm in?

I don't know...it's just hard to express to you all how hard this has been for me. I live in a broken world with a broken family, and I'm questioning the worth of a lot of things in life, because of how easily disposable it becomes if a family member's life is screwed over enough! I'm fatigued a lot because of this, I'm constantly under intense stress, and I feel like the only people able to help me are people that want to speed up the process in dumping personal belongings in the dumpster! Everyone else is either distant or unable to help and it's...it's just a lot to deal with. Either I have time to recover for a moment or I don't have any time left...

Sorry, I think I'll just end it on this. I really just wanted to tell people what happened and I think with 2025 ending in a month, this felt like the right time. Honestly I'm not even sure what I want at this point. I don't feel like 99% of what's out there is going to fix the loss of my own supportive family member, the house, and whatever else. It's just how life is and...man, I just hate it!

I'll still take condolences and support though. That's a lot of why I'm posting this, as I'm kind of desperate for help. I'm praying that 2026 is a much better year and that this December I won't crash out from all the stress built-up over the course of 9 months. I can use some prayer from you all as well. I'd grately appreciate it!

Thank you all for reading this and maybe...2026 will be the Best Year of My Life...we'll see...miracles do happen~