This is a reflection meme. Review the past two or so years of your life. What did you regret, what were you thankful for, and why? What things could you have changed now that you seen the effect of your actions, and guess how it might have changed it.
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People asked me if I have had any regreats, given my last two year. I honestly have to answer, Yes and no.
Why is that? I have no regrets moving from a small city in southwest Sask to a smaller town in northern Alberta, nor from there to Edmonton and back to my hometown.
I have go regrets leaving the jobs I had to me with my mate at that time. My life was going no where fast. I worked two jobs: One full time at seven eleven and a teacher’s aid at the local collage for creative writing. I never really visited or enjoyed the fact I had family in the same city as me. So despite what Dragyn would say, He was worth it.
Dragyn, in a matter of saved my life. I was getting to the point it my life after many errors and failures in many aspect of my life. He gave me a chance to get a fresh start, a chance to leave my errors and be free from my father’s shadow, and also showed me a part of myself which I felt I have lost a long time ago from two acts of betrayal and one harsh and cruel action from years long past.
I regret not being everything I wanted to be for him. When I moved to Edmonton and went to a few of the meets... I started to withdraw and hide myself behind a mask of false smiles. At times it broke down [like at new years] and how I acted worried people, yet they were all worried that I would lash out and hurt them, that how bad my break downs are.
I regret that I feel that I have to burden the weight of others and not share mine. I feel that I have to deal with every issue in my life myself, by myself. I feel that I should not let others get involved with my issues because it will only lead to pain, as history has taught me so very well (been used and abused with because I shared my issues). So I get extremely defensive, so you someone no matter who they are (for good or evil) try to help me I distant myself, I avoid them; I refuse to talk to them. One of those people was Dragyn. I assured him I was alright. (Which was a lie and he know it). He kept trying to help me and I pushed him away. It stayed like that till we broke up.
I also regret my actions (or lack there of at times). Events unfolded where I should have done one thing but did the other. But I am also a bit thankful for things to unfold as they did. I learned so much about myself, how much I need help yet I still fight bitterly to deal with it on my own which I have to stop if I want to be even remotely happy as Dragyn is.
I thankful for those of who that tried to help me when I was down and out, despite how I acted I am so grateful for it. It did make an impact on me. Maybe those regrets are my sign of on what I have to fix and change. . I once was told this from someone close to me. “You don’t let yourself be happy.” I never really understood that till near the end. I always pushed myself to support others and to support myself without anyone’s support. I have to let myself enjoy life and ask for help. Till then I will always be defensive of my issues.
I know where I have to change, I have to leave my fears linked to my past behind, and make amends to those I wronged and cheated. I have to open myself to let others help me shoulder my weight as I would shoulder theirs. I have to stop pushing myself and try to enjoy life. But the first step is find the grave I been avoiding for 13 years... where it all started. Where I forced myself to shoulder the worlds weight and not share mine... Maybe I grew up to fast and forceful.

If I went back after I changed and became a better person, I would try my best to hold his interest and open up and not scare people when I needed the help. But I would still give him up... things are better as they are now... hee funny how life is.

That’s all. And yes I DID NOT STEAL THIS MEME. I MADE IT!
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH *cough* hack* chock*

Sno, Artimis, Mark, Rain, Alex, Yuki, Furry, Northern wolf, Dragyn, and the others I have failed to name. You all, at one point or an other saved me from myself, no matter the outcome I am so glad to have meet each of you.