Hello, my dear Watchers! It's been a while since we've seen each other, much less contacted you. This is because I've stopped releasing work. One work in the last three months is a disgrace, which is why I wanted to talk to you.
I lost interest in drawing a long time ago. I used to sit down to work, pull out my graphics monitor, turn on some music, and immerse myself in the process. Now, even just touching the graphics monitor is difficult for me. It's never been so hard to tackle anything, even something I already know how to do. Admittedly, I don't even want to do simple tasks like cooking. I think there's a deeper meaning to this. But that's not what I'm talking about now.
I thought I'd have time to please a few people: my acquaintances, friends, those who had birthdays, or those I'd made promises to. But I realize that right now I don't even have the energy, patience, or perseverance to work on commissions. I have so many ideas in my head, but zero desire. Everything remains in my head, or in basic sketches. I'm ashamed, but I can't do anything about it. I tried to work through this feeling. The result was even greater burnout, even emotionally. I tried to rest, but that was even worse.
Maybe someone noticed that my watcher count is still growing. But these are people who came for me, not for my drawings. Is that good? I don't know. And I look at my drawings and realize I drew things that aren't popular. Unpopular fetishes, unpopular species, some simple poses. Do I regret what I drew? No, I was happy to create the pieces to please the recipient. Do I regret that I could have done better? Yes, definitely. But I don't know how. I feel like I need to work on absolutely everything.
And there's not much good to say about my activity. I had a Telegram channel, but I deleted it because there was nothing to post there except off-topic stuff. I have a Twitter account, but I can't get around to it. And I'd probably like to do some work for someone I love there, and on Furaffinity too. But one thing: I've become afraid of people, afraid of doing something wrong. Someday I'll take the time to left a shout to everyone who wrote to me. Once again, you're the best, I adore you all!
And a little about the future. Most likely, in a couple of weeks, I'll be called up for mandatory military service for a whole year. I'm absolutely against it, because a lot of bad things could happen there, to the point of me never returning at all. But our country doesn't care what you want. If they do give me the option of not going because of my mental health, which is clearly not right, then I'll try to see a specialist who can prescribe the necessary medication. Then I'll be able to change my life, finally be able to see my friends without pain, solve all my everyday problems, make peace with my family, find my place, and rekindle my passion for drawing.
For now, I'll just say: whoever waits, will wait. Thank you all for being there. I'll definitely see you... someday