~Quickly, I'm going to say this first. I didn't save the logs of the person who said this, I will openly admit to getting defensive back early. I'm tired, and I could have been a bit nicer, but I tried. I know I'm not perfect, I know I'm not the best at being 100% nice. I'm okay with that.


Now, I know I've had a decently easy time of it coming out as bigendered, and being far more of a women lately. I understand that word women, implies plural, but you get the context of it. I have had friends there who support me when I came out as bigendered, I have made new friends who love the fact I'm a sexy girl. Hell, I think I'm about 10 times more awesome of a person now. However, I know I am a bit lucky in that sense also.

So when I was in a furry IRC room, and this trans women says she needs help. I tried to be helpful. She said, her problem was facing again cissexist sentiments. Okay, I get it, people aren't treating you like the woman that you feel you are. Now, because I've never felt much discrimination for being a guy who looks like a girl in the strictest of sense, because for all the moments it upsets me for half a second. I choose not to let it effect me beyond that. So, I went in when a very open my to some heart felt stories about feeling down and out.

When I start to get corrected over accidentally typing women, and assuming the person was a transwomen, I'll bite the bullet and admit my fault. When I get informed that there is more then just transwomen, and such. I'll take the hit. When I ask, well what do you need help with, and you inform me is because of people being dicks. When I ask are they friends, co-workers or such. Then you reply with, well the one guy is the person who you get your weed from, and that if you stop being their friend you'll only look like more of a bitch. That they are also friends with the gender queer person who you like, and don't want to cause conflict with them. Don't get upset when me for saying, then I guess deal with it?

That is what I would say to anyone, and I thought over it, and said sorry for saying it like that. However, I took from that, that weed, and this girl was more important then you not being called she. I'm sorry, but I learned from a very very good friend, that when someone upsets you, or seeks to hurt you. It's best to never let them do anything at all to you. So, when you ask for help on how to handle people being mean, I'm going to respond with, well people are mean, so just hold out. Don't let them get to you, or hurt you because they aren't worth that power. I am sorry if that hurt you.

However, turning back and telling me I should go kill myself, and I deserve to die because I'm heartless. Will earn you no points, telling me that all you can feel is angry at everyone, and that it's making you vomit up black stuff from ulcers, will make me not feel sorry for you. When all you can do it intermittently insult me, and then ask for help. Why? Because telling me I deserve to die, is never ever going to make you a nice person. Throwing yourself a pity party around me isn't going to help you. I've been around the block, and I know I have a few more blocks to go. However, I know when to admit it's not everyone else all the time, and learning some humility when asking for help is something you should learn when you're young.

The entire conversation I had, felt like dealing with daggers being thrown at me. It made me feel like I was being attacked for giving what I thought was help, and then being pulled back in to be attacked again. Maybe I wasn't right, or maybe I've just learned that if I deal with how I'm feeling, and I choose to be happy I don't have to feel sad.

There was more to this, and this entire thing definitely makes me feel like the bad guy. Simply because I don't want someone who willing chooses to attack people after asking for help to feel attacked again. It's not the first time I've felt like I've been attacked by someone else who is trans for not throwing a pity party for them. When I came out as trans I knew I would get the bad with the good, and I choose to let the bad go. I get my insecurities, and I feel a bit lost sometimes. However, to be so attacked by other trans people makes me sad.

Sad that someone can become so indoctrinated with hate and fear, they only know how to be a mean and nasty person. I just don't get why... Why, when you finally feel like you're on the path to who you truly are, you would feel anything but joy.