This is for the people of my past.
People who do not know it,
But people who helped keep me alive.

When life is going well, we often forget things of the past.
We forget that despite the difficulties involved,
Some people give of themselves to help a random stranger.
It is upon the tides of darkness that I can reflect on these special people.

My leather-bound folder is a prized possession of mine.
Its contents a time capsule of my past.
In it are poems and writings, artworks and sketches.
Stories – still uncompleted; Characters suspended in unresolved conflict.
But the best thing about my folder are all of the contributions from others.

Artworks that make me smile – some signed and dated, and others a mystery.
Sketches that may have taken the artist but a few minutes, however will bring me joy for eternity.

I came across one artwork which I had completely forgotten about.
With a tear in my eye, I read the artist’s message “…with love”.
To this day, I don’t know if that was a “friendship” love, or something deeper.
I know who the artist was, but in my writings they shall remain anonymous to honour their privacy.
Perhaps they will read this. They might remember, or they may wish to forget.

Moving on, there is a happy pouncing tiger drawing dated 2014. Seeing the artist’s signature takes me on a flashback to playing a game of backgammon in a café – quite a happening given my dislike of competitive games!

The next drawing is a toon dragon (A dragon was my character before my tiger character!) from 2010.
It all happened one Saturday night at Furjam. A rather attractive artist was doing free drawings for anyone who asked! I was staggered that anyone would do such a kind thing for random strangers!
Since then, we have had a falling out, however I still respect their artistic ability and generosity.

OK. Writer’s break! (my pen stopped working)
I wish I were using my favourite pen, however it is stranded at work.
The fact that it missed out on the rare occasion of me writing something meaningful makes me sad.
On the other paw…I made a switch to a pencil.
I always seem to write neater in pencil. As an added bonus, I managed to get a perfect point on it after sharpening. I’m sure at least the artists here understand my joy.

I finished flicking through the leather-bound folder, and picked up one of my smaller sketchpads, curious as to what I may find within.

Oh! The first illustration!
I seem to remember finding this artist cute.
The picture isn’t signed or dated – but I clearly remember the artist.
This is most likely another gift art received at Furjam.
If my memory serves me true, the artist was happily in a relationship, which made losing interest in them easy to do. I hope you and your lucky partner are still happily together in relationship!

The next artwork I come to in the sketchpad makes me cringe in disgust – it is one of my “attempts”. Clearly I am more likely a writer than a drawer.

The following artwork is a goody! Although just a quick rough sketch, it is more so the memory attached which I find endearing.
I believe it was a Saturday Furjam picnic in the park...of which year, I know not.
There was a pony suiter there.
And I…kinda fell for them.
It was perhaps the best Furjam for me to date because of this.
The suiter seemed quite happy interacting with me all morning, and I fell for someone who’s face I had never seen.
Why do I do this? Who do I fall for people stupidly quickly?
Later, when they were out of suit, I managed to find out who it was.
I was so shy; I could barely stand face to face with them to have a normal conversation.
I wonder if at the time, due to my behaviour, if the pony suiter knew how I felt about them?
I think eventually I sent them an email to tell them how I felt.
To the pony suiter: I didn’t know you were already in a relationship, but I thank you for letting me down gently. My delicate heart is grateful for that.

Flicking to the next sketchbook, I stumble upon a full page colour pencil artwork. It is possibly one of the best ones I have ever done, yet hesitant I am to share it due to the feelings attached to it.
It represents an interestingly happy moment – possibly from a furry meet in a park in Sydney around the time of 2007.
I was handed the leash of a fox or wolf suiter. It was a very strange moment for me, as I was quite conservative. But it also felt really nice that the suiter trusted me with what felt like their safety.
Nowadays I am not so sure that I would be a suitable person for caring for another person’s wellbeing…I can barely manage my own emotions and life.

OK. Last sketchbook – I promise! (After all…this one is a real doozy)
This sketchbook is entirely populated by a single artist – and mostly in light blue pen.
You know an artist is confident when they sketch in pen!
Once again, the artist will remain anonymous in my writings to honour their privacy.
The first drawing of the book…and wow! They made me look really cute as an anthro Labrador. You might even go as far as to say that it is…Labradorable! (pause for laughs and facepaws).
The next few pages are more “lab poses”, followed by practice poses of the artist’s own cute character.
Following this, I was happy to see that my car-drawing ability could match that of an amazing artist.
The next page is filled with horses. All in light blue pen. Very unnatural colour for a beast of equine nature (lest they wish to be 20% cooler).
Even my dog Kepler got a page of sketches done – all with amusingly silly facial expressions. This makes me smile.
I shall not bore you all with the countless sketches following this. But they mean a lot to me, because the artist meant a lot to me.
You were a massive part of my life, and I double I will ever stop thinking of you.

I wish to draw the final curtain on my lost memories, and offer up many forgotten thank you’s.
So my dear friends who have travelled this journey with me, thank you.
I have opened up myself to you, to show you how you have been the light in my darkness.
I pray that you may be spared from being consumed by the darkness.
May your days be filled with joy.
May the pains of your past be cast from your memory - unable to hurt you anymore.
To all who I have hurt – I am sorry for my actions and the pain I have caused you.
I ask for you to forgive me; that any grievance against me may be dispelled.
May I walk into the unknown with a conscience clean of past deeds.

DDD