Finally coming to the most brutal realization: It's my fault. I've had chances to improve on everything and failed with flying colors. So many friendships gone, not even being noticed unless I really remind folks who I was and still get ignored afterwards. I'm not the type to cry, but yes, I've been silently crying myself to sleep for the last week due to coming to terms that everything that happened is my fault. No blaming anyone. Solely me. Rather than making everyone feel down, I'll accept everything that comes my way. If you wish to continue ignoring me, I cannot be mad at you for it. I just have to accept that a majority of my circle, when it was there, has distanced themselves towards those who are worth it. I've tried, but don't have the social energy to keep up and it's affecting my IRL work performance as well. Nothing dangerous, but noticeable. I can't really afford a therapist since I don't exactly have dependable insurance, so I just have to do what I've been doing over the past four years and keep it bottled up. Anyways, sorry to bother you. Hopefully everyone is having a decent day with themselves.