Hello

I want something out of my chest. I have been distant to few people including my friends expect a few.

I have been stressed, scared to speak out, anxiety and my self esteem.

I been in somewhat in rough place been stressed for working too much or too less. Can't go cons expect CFZ or furc/other UK cons due of money even i really want to try NFC next year but it is unlikely to happen even if i have funds just whole thing is a mess in my end. Yes I have FOMO but part of me don't enjoy or expressed feelings. I do love fursuiting but idk just social life for me is hard as I have social anxiety and my speech is somewhat good but i just get overwhelmed with tiredness even in VRCHAT on group meets I'm just get overwhelmed.

it doesn't feels like me past 5 years. What happen past 5 years is changed me which I can't let go and it hurts me. But most of time I just don't think about it much just dreams/thoughts just brings it back.

My self esteem to some of my friends I have been afraid to speak/type about it even to one of my close friend and my ex boyfriend. I just don't know how to expressed my feelings to them. It has been rough rollercoaster to me.

Not many people come to see me: expect to one of my bird friends who comes see me and I see him every two/three months but other UK friends I know off is busy or me having lack of time due with work and not having weekends off but it is life.

other news that i'm going see my stepdad in the USA(seattle) and few of birdfriends in august which i am excited and nervous.