It was a bad decision that I made, and I was already starting to pay the price. Or rather I had already paid the pretty steep price actually. See, I had finally started to get my life back on track, but then I fucked up. See I got myself stuck back where I started, a crappy small town but got a decent job. I had been through masters, mates, and friends traveling the country struggling to make ends meet. But that is when I stopped looking for people, other than for a friend.

So I guess I should explain more, I ran away when I was 18 years old because my family really didn’t like the fact that I was gay. So I ended up finishing High School, working a part-time job, finding love, chasing it, ending up homeless for a while… Then I started to become somewhat stable for a while, but damn… Life had it’s way with me again bouncing between places and trying to get my life on track.

Well I know that is a lot to summarize, but that is besides the point. I ended up back home, after my previous master had a problem living in real life and didn’t want me when I was physically there versus virtually there. But I ended up running back to my hometown, thankfully it worked out because my family member was sick and they offered me to come back in turn for helping out take care and watch them.

I put up a small ad online, waited around and well-tried to figure things out. I got a part time job, got laid off, got another one, but then I finally got my first real full-time job! While all of this was going on, I was getting messages from a sexy and intelligent maned wolf. Then I was also getting some messages from a blue bunny who lived someone close to me. However, that would prove to be my downfall.

So let's go back a bit when I first came back to my hometown I was starting to get upset with living with relatives again and was trying to save up so I could move out. But I also wanted someone as well, but still not sure what I wanted… to be honest I still am not completely sure what it is I actually want. Getting back on topic, the wolf seemed very smart and was really kinda awesome and we started to talk a lot and he was pretty good at roleplaying with me and I quite enjoyed it.

So while I was working the part time jobs and my own freelancing on the side, that silly wolf tried to mess with a server I set up and that just really made me happy knowing about a nerd and how awesome that was. But this was about the time the bunny introduced himself to me, contacted me through the same site that I had bumped into the wolf. He really came off as a really nice guy and he didn’t like to role play too much, but I think I was kinda captivated that he lived only 4 hours from me.

I slowly pulled away from the wolf, even though I felt really connected with him. But the bunny kept giving me promises and telling me he would move in and help start a life with me and well he was older then me and I have a thing for older because typically means more mature. Well would I learn that not to be the case this time.

I started to slowly back off from talking and hanging out with the wolf online, but when it came closer for me telling him I had chosen to be with someone else… He said something, and I wasn’t sure if he was telling me the truth at the time or what… But up till this point, he would do some nice role play, but nothing that would give away how he was into leather, bondage, S&M, and the other kinky stuff I was into. But sadly, in my head at the time it was too late because the bunny I had visited him and he visited me and he was somewhat proven his dominance over me.

Well fast forward a bit, I started sending money to the bunny as he said he had no food or anything to eat and well I wanted to help I was involved. Then he started to get a job for a bit, but he ended up lying to me about how long he had the job. This really upset me and caused me to start to loose doubt, but at this point I felt invested and I had made a deposit on a small studio apartment for us to move into.

Well some time passes, I tried really hard and invested a lot of time in. Replacing his computer when it started to die, help take care of his dog, and his car. He got a job briefly but it only lasted 3 days. Time goes on, I keep trying hard to help ease his stress to only make mine get worse and worse. I finally get down to it, and well then that is when it happened. I finally realized about 7 months in… I was in a one sided relationship. Acting like a parent to a person who doesn’t bring in any money and rarely does stuff around the house.

I started drifting away, and he had opened the relationship. So I started to talk to other people, and then I built up the courage to say hi to that wolf again. I kept seeing his name all the time, I even told people about him. I was too nervous though to message him for fear how mad he might be at me or not even want to talk to me. But he replied…

We started talking, and I started remembering how much I had missed talking to someone that was nerdy like me but also into the kinky stuff I am as well. So that started to help get me out of my shell again. Which eventually along with all the other stuff lead me to breaking up with the bunny.

Now, I know I been kinda just ranting along here… but this is where it gets good. The wolf started to talk to me about the kinky stuff again. So much so he started letting me call him Sir, and such. He is a bit quiet which I dislike, he also doesn’t like to roleplay like he used to which heavily saddens me. But I will say this, out of all the people I been with, he is the only one to not get upset with how submissive I am.

If you knew me, you would understand that. I love to be submissive and do things, not even just sexual but just be obedient. I enjoy being told what to do and think. This wolf, he does that and he does it well. See in the past, I have had people tell me I was too submissive, or too much like a slave. It legit ended several of my relationships, and not to mention was the cause of a few bad ones.

I write this because I am still unsure if this is exactly what I want… I still don’t know what I want. I love being submissive, I love being obedient. I also love being in control though at times, where I am out of the house or working. I like to feel equal at times as well… So I don’t really know what I want.

Anyways, if you bothered to read all of this then I am impressed but I just felt like writing it to get it off my chest.