Things had been going so well for me. Summer was nearly over, I had enough money for college, my friends and family were awesome... But then a friend who was a fur moved up here, I said I'd help him start over up here, but when he came he had no money... I had to let him stay with me at my parnets house and in the morning I told my father. My dad told my mom and they both agreed he had to go. He spent the night over at a bed and breakfast... My family brought him over again and talked with him, when they learned he had a criminal record (that I knew about) they got less and less supportive of me, that night my parents and I went to teh air port with him to send him off. I wanted him to go to Seattle where they had programs to help him. He wanted to go to Rhode Island to try and stay with another fur... I paid for his plane ticket now I'm out a thousand bucks... I feel bad because I really screwed my family over, they're taking away my internet, no contact with any furs, no going to any fur sites, and they're going to make me delete my FA profile a week after I post this. And I can't help but feel manipulated, If i'd just told my parents they probably could've helped him. I feel like an idiot and I feel like I'm losing both of my families. My father said he was scared he was losing me... I know me and my family had grown distant, but I didn't think it was this bad... I'm trying to get things back on track with my family... It's going ok, me and my father are going hunting soon. I'm also having a highly likely chance of getting a job that relates directly to my career interests. I'm even taking a trip sometime later this month. I'll miss you all... I managed to work on some stories, I didn't finish them because of the recent events mentioned above. I feel like this...


Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
Ill stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Cant be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesnt seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
Im ready
Heart stops
I stand alone
Cant be on my own

I will make it go away
Cant be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesnt seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it Im running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(am I gonna leave this place? )
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(am I going to win this race? )
I guess gods up in this place
What is it that Ive become?
Is there something more to come?
More to come...

Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesnt seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?


Kivva, thank you for your kind words and thoughts to me. You kept my head up and kept my head up when I wouldn't put it anywhere but down.

Lu, I just barely started to get to know you but you were a pretty cool guy. I pray you find a job and get back together with the one who means so much to you.

Von, take care bro, never let yourself fall into a ditch and get stuck. You were meant to live a long happy life, don't forget that.

Alex, Nate, never let go of one another. You two have something special that's very very rare in this world. Something I'll pry never have.

Bryant... Bro I really do hope that you find the help you need and get your life back together... I'm sorry it had to come to this.



You were all like family to me... My blood family may never understand that. And I will be gone for a long long time. Stay strong for me.... I promise I'll return from the ashes a stronger and better man.

-Tundra