Been a while. Was looking at my last journals and figured I would post an update after nearly 4 years haha.

Engineer job didn't work out. They made me do non-engineer things. I did not receive any proper training. I was thrown into situation after situation that I was not prepared for and eventually became overwhelmed. I did well for a while. First year was difficult, but ok. But after 2+ years of going into a job where I saw employees working themselves to death because of the demands of upper management, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It was truly horrible. These people had nowhere else to go. Instead of adapting to the new challenges, they just sapped my energy. I did my best to make the shop floor employees' lives easier where I could, but without restructuring the whole business, there was nothing I could really do to make a difference. I couldn't do that on my own. Me being there, untrained and forced into a management position, was part of the problem. So I left.

The whole experience was rather traumatizing. It brought into light a lot of repressed issues that I am now dealing with. Lots of issues with personal identity and where I fit into everything. I am probably autistic. It also showed me how heartless and pointless business can be, and that I don't want to be a part of anything where the end goal is to just "Make more money." and be a leech on the earth.


So yeah... Things really went to hell. But my partner is an angel and is patient and helpful. I help them with things and support them as best I can while I search for my path forward. I like helping.
My perspective has changed and I keep learning new things. Also became very kink-positive. Mother's little puritan died. Fuck the church. Be a good person and don't conform to rigid, close-minded belief systems. Trans rights are human rights. Black lives matter. Abortion and bodily autonomy are inherent human rights. It's not difficult to be a good person. Do not tolerate intolerance. Pedophiles and MAPs, get some professional help and don't normalize that shit.

That's all.