Let me start by extending a heart-felt thank you to everyone who read, commented upon, followed, or watched me because of my first article. While it certainly veered into cheesy territory at times, I meant every word.

That said, today’s article is a matter of contrast. While last week we looked at furry writ large, today we are going to look at specific archetypes/stereotypes of furry. In honor of the late great George Carlin, the following is a non-exhaustive list of furries who should be coated in liquid bouncy-ball and thrown into the grand canyon.

1. The self-hating furry.
Fuzzius Ruinus Todos

AKA WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Who they are: This one might seem a little ironic in the context of the rest of this list, but the self-hating furry is the furry who hates the fandom. It isn't just a Blue Jay with low self esteem, or the Aardvark who really hates vore fans. (And who is he to judge? I see what you do with the ants in your free time!).

No, the self hating furry approaches their fandom like a racist approaches their minority friend. Every racist has a black friend. It doesn’t eliminate their prejudice against the group, it just shows a willingness to make individual exceptions. Ten times out of ten, the racist has a black friend because in their mind they categorize them as “different from the other blacks”.

With the self hating furry, they are their own black friend. They see the fandom in just as bad a light as the most judgmental media outlet. They think the fandom us utterly sex-obsessed, and irredeemably deviant. I suspect that last part is mostly projection - they feel ashamed of their own kinks and quirks and project that onto their fandom.

Why they suck: If our fandom is ever going to get over our bad media reputation (and in some ways -worse- internet reputation), we have to be our own best advocates. Ideally that would mean giving our fandom an unapologetic defense; at minimum though, we need to not fall on our own swords.

SENTENCE: A weekend of forced attendance at a BDSM convention, followed by being forced to take their grandparents to Anthrocon. So the healing can begin.

2. The ‘no limits’ furry.
Fuzzius Pervius Maximus

AKA WHAT IS THAT AND WHY ARE YOU DRAWING IT NEAR MY CHILD

Who they are: With the self-hating furry out of the way, we turn to the opposite extreme. In my first post, I made a passing comment that Furries are sometimes unfairly painted as overly accepting. The no-limits furry is the reason for that reputation.

Let me back up a moment. I do not mean to imply that being accepting is a bad trait. But the line between accepting and promoting can be blurry at times. For example; pedophiles are probably the biggest sexual pariahs in the western world. That said, it is difficult to argue that there aren’t some pedophiles who are truly harmless - those who are aware of their paraphilia and use that awareness to keep themselves from acting upon it. In some of those instances, there’s even a good argument for fictional depictions of underage characters - it could be an outlet, to help this subsection control their urges.

Why they suck: I don’t think there is anything wrong with that level of accepting - it’s part of what I appreciate about the fandom. The problem comes when acceptance turns into pride. It’s okay to accept these things, but the no-limits fur makes the acceptance of these things his/her reason for being in the fandom. That, in turn, contributes to one of the nastiest furry stereotypes - that the fandom is a refuge for perversion, as opposed to the truly wonderful things that furry has to offer the world. It isn’t difficult to avoid becoming this fur. Don’t draw porn in a public area of a convention. Even amongst porn, if what you’re drawing isn’t vanilla (or at least ‘french vanilla’ - I like to think most furs know whether their particular breed of freaky has broad or narrow appeal) then tag and clean up the thumbnail.

This one could have been it’s own entry, so I’ll leave it there in the interest of moving on.

SENTENCE: Browse FurAffinity without the SFW filter - with your parents.

3. The Species Elitist.
Fuzzius Particulus Neo-geus

AKA The Furry Hipster

Who they are: The species elitist comes in many forms, but all of them share a common goal – being uncommon. For the Species Elitist, the biggest threat to the fandom is an excess of ‘generic’ or ‘common’ characters. This one registers with me on a personal level - if the avatar didn’t make it obvious, I am a very plainly colored timber wolf. Grey fur, brown hair. If I had a nickel for everytime I was dismissed as ‘another generic wolf’, I’d probably have about a dollar. Frankly though, I would rather roleplay with a red fox who has a personality than an obscure neon colored hybrid of five animals, two vegetables, and a neo-geo pocket who doesn’t. The scary thing is that wasn't -that- hyperbolic. Furs are a naturally creative lot, but I fear some think that means they have to be unique in every way or they won't be unique in any way, and will get lost in the masses. I can promise that in the ~12 years I’ve been kicking around this fandom, I can remember personally dozens of red foxes. Each made a distinct impression through their personality and the way they played their character. I can remember a comparatively small handful of exotic hybrids, and those I can remember made their impression the same way as the red foxes.

SENTENCE: Genetic modification and species re-assignment surgery. I get to keep the neo-geo.

4. The Species Exclusionist
Fuzzius Adolfus

AKA The Brave New Worlder

A twist on the species elitist, the species exclusionist simply considers some species to not be furry, by whatever personal definition they have applied to the fandom. One’s criterion might simply be that the base species be one that exists in the real world - excluding dragons and gryphons, but permitting snakes and birds. Another’s might require that the species have actual fur - now gryphons are fine, but snakes dragons and birds are all right out. For some it is just a curmudgeonly refusal to accept new things. As the anime fandom worked it’s way up the geek ladder beside furry, we started seeing Kemonomimi come in more and more. Now, to my eyes, “Mimi” vs “Furry” is a false dichotomy. What I see is a gradient, from less furry to more furry. I definitely get having a preference, but to try to exclude any of them wholesale makes little sense. Nowadays, it’s the bronies - which I understand even less, given that ‘ponies’ have been acceptable furry species since before MLP was a franchise.

At the end of the day, nobody is forcing you to draw, write about, or roleplay with any species that offend you. But by trying to exclude those species from the fandom wholesale, you’re trying to impose your narrow subjective interpretation of what we are on to a broad population, which is, as Nietzche put it, a dick move.

SENTENCE: Five years trapped in the setting of Equestria Girls.

5. Señor Srs Business
Fuzzius Butthurticus

AKA Only a criminal uses an alias.

Who they are: Among all of these archetypes, Señor Srs Business is the one I have the most difficult time with. Señor Srs Business is pretty much what it says on the can - they take everything with the seriousness of a heart attack. Examples include a Therians who feel that non-Therian furries cheapen their religion, or just a run-of-the-mill furry who unironically claims “fursecution” at every turn. Sr Business is quite possibly going to show up in this journal's comments, likely pissed at the implied Hitler reference in #4.

Why they suck: Not only does Señor business kill the atmosphere of any gathering they find distasteful, they act as one of the primary catalysts to the Drama Alpaca and the Drama Alpaca's lord, the Drama Llama.

SENTENCE: 24 hour comedy marathon of George Carlin, Louis C.K., and Ralphie Mae.



6. Drama Alpaca
Fuzzius Dramaticus Minimus

AKA The Viscount of “WAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Who they are: This is probably the most widespread group on this list. Most furries arguably fall into this category at various times. The drama alpaca simply overreacts to perceived slights; not unlike Señor Srs Business, but with a bit more of a thirst for a fight. Where Señor Srs Business gets offended, the Drama Alpaca gets defensive and digs in their heels.

Why they suck: The Drama Alpaca is frankly not a threat on their own. That said, they are plentiful, and provide fodder for the infamous Drama Llama.

SENTENCE: To be shaved for a period of no less than two weeks, and their fur to be made into sweaters for the victims of the 2003 drama catastrophe



7. Drama Llama
Fuzzius Dramaticus Majoris

AKA the High Priest of Dramaticus, first Goddess of the Dramazonian tribes of Dramacia.


Who they are: The Drama Llama requires very little introduction. Where the Drama Alpaca gets defensive and itches for a fight from any imagined slight, the Drama Llama seeks fights where there are none. This archetype is particularly scary when paired with the Drama Alpacas, many of which the Drama Llama can play against one another. A particularly clever Llama will research their targets, figure out what makes them tick, and then wait for the right moment to unleash all hell. A well trained drama llama can perform Al'Qaedian feats of destruction, taking down Furaffinity or major con forums for days on end.

Why they suck: You know why they suck

SENTENCE: We must find the original drama llama, hold it until the second full moon of autumn, and then release it into a virgin forest. Then, we shall begin. As furries we must band together and with tooth, claw, beak, talon, and tails, we must hunt. It is the only way.



Well, that's about all for this week. Just to clarify, the reason that last week's post was short and this week's long has nothing to do with furry having more negatives than positives - if anything, it's because the negatives are specific and the positives broad. Also, try to take it all with a grain of salt - I was trying to be funny, which is a very dangerous thing for a law student to do :3. I have no idea what the future of this blog/journal/thing is, but I intend to try to keep it pretty much weekly. So... read, comment, tell people, etc! Or don't. Whatever works for you guys ô¿ô.