For most of my life, I have struggled with social relationships. That would be because I've never had much experience in an open environment with like-minded peers. I was never the kind of guy who broke the ice with many people, and the school did nothing to prepare me for dealing with people. As a result, I often have considerable trouble recognizing when I'm doing something wrong.

I've had very minimal guidance to help me adapt to our society, so much so that if I were ever pushed out into a public conversation, I would buckle up and get nervous, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible while trying to be as polite as possible. As you could have guessed, I wasn't trendy in public. It got worse for me over time. Schools never did anything to educate me. They made a few efforts, yes, but not in a way to where I could understand adequately.

Social Studies was a joke; they don't do anything to gear you up for dealing with life; they teach you frivolous subjects full of nonsense that does nothing for you growth-wise, then they have the gall to ask why I'm not getting along with anybody. The students and teachers weren't much help, so that I couldn't rely on them. School had demonstrated to me how incredibly counter-productive it is. And from what I gather, it's gotten much worse since I left high school.

After high school, I've lived longer than eight years secluded in my home without much time to get out, save for weekends. Then, I discovered Discord, a viral online social-gaming platform. It was there that I began to make friends, much to my surprise. It was up and down; there were and still are amazing people I'm still friends with to this very day. I'm so happy and grateful for them in my life. From the ups came the downs'. And boy, did I fall.

Not much later, I took a liking to the Brony Community, or maybe it took a liking to me. Somehow, I got mixed in and was a part of their community, for better or worse. I've met some of the best people in my life in this community, yet also the absolute worst in my entire life. Humans genuinely do show how nasty and terrible they can be when it suits them to do so. I've dealt with this quite a lot for the better three years, possibly longer than that.

I have a minimal social experience, take everything seriously, and am very anti-social and introverted. Someone who deals with ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome has a recipe for disaster. So, due to their incompetence, I couldn't get any experience out of school. My mother, who's not doing so well health-wise, hates people, and the bad part is that I understand why she feels the way she does, believe it or not. I disapprove of her mindset, but I can see why she's so angry with them. It's a safe assumption to assume that I couldn't get any experience from her.

And being in the Brony Community for as long as I have been, I became exposed to their toxicity. After that, hatred began to bloom within my heart. It oozed and burned within me like an insatiable, raging inferno so hot and fierce that not even the deepest of oceans could quell it. I began to act like them, toxic. After some time of feeling like that, I began to hurt even my closest friends without even realizing it had they not told me. That hatred grew, expanded, and usurped my entire synapses, my mindset. Trust, faith, and compassion were practically non-existent to me.

That contemptuous hatred was nothing short of pure poison. That dreaded feeling is distant, cold, unforgiving, malicious, and disgusting. It feels horrible, like a black, viscous liquid that seeps into your veins and courses through your body, pumped by your heart, infecting you very slowly. Believe me when I say you do not want to sink into that hole. It's tough to crawl out from. More and more, I found myself hurting others and taking everything too seriously, making enemies wherever I went.

My life and my health began to spiral out of control. It got to the point where I even contemplated suicide to make it all stop for good; it made me weary of life. The weight of hatred is too cumbersome and unbearable. Humans weren't supposed to bear this weight. I can see why this is now. A part of me still feels that nothing will change if I am gone; nobody will miss me, and life will continue its cruel cycle. Such are the idiosyncrasies of humanity.

But then, I had an epiphany when all seemed to be lost for me. I began to seek out the scruples and principles of positivity. On this never-ending path through enlightenment, I have discovered that people are the way they choose to be in life. That there's always a better solution. So, I've taken the time to truly appreciate life and its people. I've hurt so many and have angered many more. I've done many stupid and regrettable things that I know I cannot improve. It's a sad truth once you realize it.

I have sought out positivity, goodwill, and meditation, and it has changed my life and fulfilled me with a sense of purpose. I now understand what I must do. Elevate this- the lowest of all possible worlds by making the people within this world as happy as I possibly can. So the best way I can achieve this is by using my work to make others more comfortable. This is why I made an account here. I am now a humble servant and disciple of positivity. I love myself and everyone around me. I'm very proud of my better choices, and I do not regret this in the slightest.

Life is bittersweet. At one moment, you're falling endlessly. At the next, you're slowly rising back up to meet its challenges. Maybe that is why life is so precious; it's a gift that you must understand and appreciate. I thank all of my most fabulous friends for helping me on my path to recovery.