It's been several months now. Even now, I'm still trying to piece everything together. Better late than never, I suppose. I imagine this is all still going to be disorganized, but I just want to try and be honest about my experiences before I forever neglect to do so.

Midwest FurFest was pretty rad, overall. Being the first con of its kind that I managed to visit, I was naturally very uptight and nervous. I'd say a good 90-95% of my time was spent in the gaming area, mostly attempting to kill my worries away with Smash Bros. I didn't have much in the way of direction, and I figured it was best to let my friends do their own things. The last thing I wanted to do was be a bother, and I think I managed to avoid that. For the most part, anyway.

I had fun. It's always a good feeling to play my favorite games with other people, and I don't believe any ill strife was had there. But even so, despite the huge amounts of people around me... I couldn't help feeling lonely. It wasn't a foreign feeling to me, but it still got in the way of many other possible routes I could have taken. If I had any real sense of direction, that is. Alas, I didn't; and that's why I spent-- nay, wasted so much time the way I did.

The highlight of my venture was, of course, finally meeting my two longtime friends  darius-kei and  greenery . It was INCREDIBLY overdue, but they're the reason why I sacrificed a few of my things to scrounge up the costs of attending the con. Hell, if it weren't for the former I wouldn't have had a place to stay so I forever harbor my hearttfelt gratitudes for him...

Needless to say, meeting them was a magical moment. Despite my own aimlessness, I couldn't stop blushing and grinning like the dork I am. I love those guys so much, even if I don't get to communicate as often with them like we used to well over a decade ago. In this regard, I don't regret going to MFF.

Of course, I knew that they had their own business to attend to during the con, so I didn't have much issue with letting them do as they pleased. Had I raised any objections, that would have been very inconsiderate and rude of me. I don't enjoy being like that. And yet... deep down I still felt like somewhat of an outcast throughout the event. I've always been more of a follower than a leader, and when I hang out with friends I'm usually tagging along or retreat to the background. It's something I'm always trying to work on, even if in vain. Alas, it does contribute to my mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm not interesting nor exciting, and there aren't many aspects of the furry community that I can blend well in.

Hell if I possess any crucial social skills to make new friends, either! A good example is the moment I ran into an acquaintance from Twitter-- the bloke actually sought me out and found me in the gaming area playing Smash. He poked me, I turned around in a slight panic, but we exchanged hellos after looking at his badges and figuring out who he was. A brief awkward conversation ensued, then we said our "see you around"s. I never got to see him again after that...

It's no one's fault but my own. I just don't have the mental dexterity for this sort of thing; I'm always worried about being such a bother to people, even friends. I realize it's not a good quality to have, but it's not something I can just fix on the spot.

I also got to briefly hang out with my pals  dby106698 and  hagaren3 , the former actually in charge of the gaming area. His presence made me feel more at ease, but I still failed to interact much with him. Regardless, also regardless of his busywork, he still went out of his way to check up on me, offering to visit Selene so I can hang out with her and her friends, AND HAVE A FRIGGIN' BITE TO EAT! My own insecurities made me neglect my own well-being... it was definitely one of my lowest points in the con.

(Also, big shoutouts to my bud  fairseas for helping me get through the last night somewhat sanely!)

I don't regret the time I spent among my friends; I love them all so much and I always count my blessings to know I have such fantastic people that consider me their friend. Still, I feel like I really cocked up and squandered several chances to broaden my horizons. It's all just so overwhelming for me, and I really don't think I'm a con-type person. I prefer the more chill and engaging experiences of just hanging out with my friends; people I can trust and be comfortable with without overworrying about the social stigma associated with conventions. It's complicated, but then again I'm a bit of a complicated guy to begin with...

I really feel that my experience at MFF could have gone so much better. Alas, my insecurity and lack of direction ultimately got in the way. That much I truly regret...

All that said, I don't think I'm going to another con in the foreseeable future. It's just... not really my thing, considering everything. It eats me up to realize that, but... such is life, I suppose.

Regardless... thanks for making my experience an unforgettable one, guys. Even if it puts me just a bit at ease, I don't regret meeting up with and spending what meager time I could with you. I just regret everything else...

Thanks for your time, fellas. Peace & love, and have a good night.