Hi again,

I haven't posted here since I got to Germany and it's been pretty crazy, given the title of this journal. I'm currently in Poland on a support mission and hit my year mark out here, 1 whole year without alcohol. I quit last year on April 30th. I was already two weeks into my program still in denial, but thankfully I thrive in structured environments that tell me what I can and cant do, so when I was restricted from alcohol-use I finally listened. The following months gave me enough time sober to realize that I was indeed an alcoolic and needed to stop. Two months ago I was released from my program with the full intention to never touch the stuff again. So far so good.

So, I've kind of known that I was an alcoholic for a few years now but never did anything about it. I always made excuses as to why it was okay. I'll watch myself more, I was on anti-depressants, my friends are just bitchy about it, etc. When really I think I knew it was my own problem. It only took 4-5 social incidents to get me to finally stop.
At least now I can finally attend social events that have alcohol and be okay. If you ever notice me spacing out at a party it means I'm fighting urges and need a breather. But I can do it.

I don't have anything inspiring to say about it. I just felt the need to put it down in a journal because it is a significant milestone in my life. I don't take pride in it though, anytime someone compliments me or praises me for my progress I brush it off. I don't think I deserve credit for doing something any other regular person can do effortlessly. I told a friend earlier that I equate it to praising someone for not murdering for a whole year. Good job, you did something virtually every normal functioning human being does everyday.

Maybe one day I'll embrace it. For now it's a simple decision, either I continue my path of sobriety or I destroy my life. There is no middle ground for someone like me. I guess I'm proud that I haven't destroyed my life and career yet. My relationship with Dusty has been going strong, I'm really happy about that. Hopefully we can live together in the coming years. I'm also hoping to get a tattoo next month to permanently mark my sobriety, something with a tick marker to count every year I haven't drank alcohol.

Anyway, that's all for now. Thank you for reading.

-Zulas