ehh, this is kinda something just for these two guys.... if u still feel like commenting thats fine... but this is just something I did as an apology...

Well.. yesterday was suppose to be a good (rainy + cold) day. And for the first time i would meet a second furry, whom I thought I could grow to be called a friend, besides Gabu. Well we went to eat to Gabu's fav place. I saw Whiteafi for the first time (extremely incredible artist)

And they were just being funny, introducing me basically to the furry type of world... meh which i guess I'm not too fond of, or I would have joined into the playfulness and laughs and what not. Plus I'm a worrywart of my first impression, so I was trembling under my coat, cause I'm meeting a new person.

(Yeah, barely people period, let alone have friends, you'd be shy too.. maybe)

Well, after that we went to a park that had a good look at NY (in a cloudy rainy version) and then we left to the car where it was more warmer. I showed them my art (I still think I had things in there which i shouldn't have showed but meh..) and they started being playful and what not.. and me being like what.. an alien to the furry world, I put my earphones on and got out of the way. Like, I minded my own business.. i doubt they were going to do anything.. but after what I hear at a certain party from two other furs.. heh I didn't want to take my chances.. plus after I had showed them some sketches I told them i would throw em away, since now that i look back on them they didn't look so good.

And so.. with my stupid actions I guess I upset Gabu... and when i noticed neither Gabu nor Afi were talking to me.. and theres where my string broke.. I was literally beating myself up in my head..

I barely have friends, only know two irl, and I hurt them both, cause.. i don't know.. I really simply don't know.. I have been double crossed hurt, embarrassed publicly too many times.. I'm scared of getting hurt, and also hurting others... and at that point, I did both...

So I made up a decision and just shut up. I didn't speak cause nothing I would have said would come out right..

I dropped Afi home, whom didn't say a word since the incident.. (so much for a good impression for the first time u meet a "could be" friend) By this time, I was crying. But I didn't say didn't act, didn't let go of a single tear, but it was hard if your driving and ur eyes are like whirlpools.
Now I took Gabu home, and I was trying harder and harder not to cry more. But being almost blinded, raining, cold, and hurt, and mad at yourself all at the same time. The car slid, and thats when i lost it. and started crying hard.

I must had scared Gabu half to death (nothing happened, the car slid, and there weren't any cars in sight) He saw how I was and told me to pull over so he can help me. But I didn't want to speak.. I hated myself at the point and I just wanted to get Gabu home save and sound and away from getting hurt again by me.

soo.. i dropped gabu off home.. lost a person who could have been my friend.. Gabu told me I didnt loose him.. but our friendship is probably lower then ever..

and so all these means is "congratulations idiot you've reached a new level of an imbecile"..

*sigh* if I could turn back time.. i would have made it so that both of them had the time of their lives.. or the time of the night or whatever.. but things dont turn out the way not one bit how I wished it went.


all I'm trying to say is.. I'm sorry Gabu.. I'm so sorry Afi.. I just hope I still could have another chance at being friends.. if I can show my embarrassing face to you again.. and I'll...try really hard to not happen again.. please forgive me you both... ;_;