Part 4: In Your Hands


Where I come from, the boys rarely, if ever, were held accountable for anything. Endangering your safety was about the only infraction that solicited a negative response. Well, there was one other thing you could do. If you ever got it in your mind that you weren’t going to mate, well, that just wasn’t going to do. We are breeding studs, you know; our ability to procreate is more important than anything. More important than who we are or what we want. Our lives are not our own. The audacity of any who would derelict their duty to the Kingdom was met with a swift and measured response.

There is a woman in Ahes, an overseer of all us there in the ‘Holt’. We refer to her as ‘Maman’, and she is the mother of us all. I know not her real name, but I’ve known her my entire life. She’s been there with every male who's been born for countless cycles. She is the ‘Mother of the Holt’ and certified the ‘Alpha’ female. Her warmth and love is tempered by her ferocity and cunning. She’s the first to remind us of our duty and our station. Remind us that our lineage and the standing of our clans are dependent on our breeding; quantity, quality, and most of all, the birthing of males. Yes, the responsibility of an entire kingdom on my shoulders...well, in my pants anyway.

If you dared to mind yourself outside your station, you could look forward to a meeting with Maman. Her firm stare, her stoic determination, her uncanny logic and her silent but measured responses, all were distinguishing traits of her calm intimidation that we feared. And it was this sort of calm intimidation that I felt that day, watching as the Warden Lesage stared at me with a cold smile.

“Ahh yes... the water mutt.” As he sat at the edge of his desk, his posture seemed relaxed and loose, but it’s very hard to disguise rigorous training. He was in a very good position to defend himself if I did anything uncouth. Such a posture tells you more about people than they think. More than the feminine physique and the manicured claws. More than hair that I know he spent hours trying in vain to tame. No, all that he seems at first glance is a lie. This was a dangerous man and only a fool could not tell.
“You are a very curious wet mongrel, yes?” he said in that thick Gaulian accent.

I looked up at him quizzically. Truly I’d no idea what he was getting at.

“Oh no, mon petit loutre, this... innocence you are displaying for me is but a show, yes? I know it, yes I do, shall we not waste the time and get to the point?” He yawned dismissively and I wondered if he was on to me. How did he know? How could he know? My eyes began to search around the room.

“You are very predictable. You see, a liar cannot meet the eyes of the honest. It is how you say; the law of soul. I will tell you a story, my whorish blue friend. You see, years ago I encountered an otter, and Ahes otter like you. She, of course, was how you say; a Neierid?”

“Nereid,” I corrected. He smiled and reached over to grab me tightly by the hair. His hand was quick. I’d had to bite my tongue to keep from reacting. I was truly startled.

“That’s right, Nereid, thank you...” he sneered, patting my face rather forcefully before letting me go and standing up to walk to the window. With his back to me, his alert posture never changed.

“Why she was there, I do not know, but what I do know is what happened. The bitch happened to notice a petty thief steal a purse and she gave chase. Witnesses say she cornered him and demanded he surrender, but the poor fool did not comply. In what I must say was the worst mistake of his short life, he decided to try to fight with this vile and savage sea dog. She brutally beat him to death in front of over twenty people.” He rubbed his hands through his hair.

I watched his expression. There was no emotion, no anger. He wasn’t upset about this. There was more to this story.
“Nereids are peacekeepers wherever they are,” I reminded him. “The Gaule government recognizes their authority all over this nation.”

His eyes widened and a wicked smile etched across his face as he slammed his hands onto his desk.

“Exactly! I was but a young officer then. My office was assigned the case. Before we even got to see this deadly blue bitch, the government was involved. Specifically, we could not even talk to her without a fleet of barrister and government officials present, and in the end she walked out without so much as a slap on the wrist. She was above the law.” His eyes narrowed at me, and then he coughed and fixed his tie, returning back to his calm demeanor.
“You look as if you do not know what I am getting at, no?”

I knew exactly what he was getting at.

“After that, I did my homework on your foul romp. Your history, your culture, your customs and laws. The males of your kind are like bitches. Filthy sluts. Your entire role in your society is to breed. It is most intriguing and your importance to your filthy people very well pronounced. So when I see you here in my country, a whore without a bodyguard, unwilling to demand the government or an embassy get involved, quietly accepting imprisonment when they would most certainly walk you out of here with a fucking parade and an apology; I am curious.”

His words were a dagger. He’d seen through me, possibly from the beginning. But did he know why I was there? It was impossible to think so. I continued to look about the room until a very old book caught my eye. Right on his bookshelf.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I replied carefully.

“The hell you do not!” he snarled, losing his cool again. His hands gripped my collar and it seemed he fought the urge to slap me.
“Filthy blue mongrel, I don’t care why you are here. But your presence is interfering with my fighter. He is distracted with you and that is not going to work for me.”

“Jealous?” I teased. I don’t know why, but I felt the need to mock him. There was more to his interest in Sigurd than he was letting on. It was too obvious. When he slapped me across my muzzle hard enough to draw blood, I knew it for certain.

“Jealous of you?” He spat.
“You are nothing more than a wet bitch like the rest of your kind. You are just like every other new piece of ass that walks in here, ready to be worn out and discarded when you are no longer quite as new and spritely.”

His guards came in and flanked me, lifting me up off the ground.
“I have taken the liberty of contacting the consulate and arranging your release in three days. Whatever it is you are here for, I will not allow it to interfere with the order of things.” He primped himself and walked over to one of his guards, running a finger through the fox’s hair. “Take this bitch from my sight.” The fox stood at attention and saluted before taking me firmly by the arm and dragging me away.

“Wait,” the genet said suddenly, and his words were low and resentful.
“Make sure he is returned safely to the commons. We do not want our king of fighters distracted over this piece of shit, yes?”


The guards made sure to give me a friendly nudge as they pushed me into the central area. Surprisingly, no one gave me a second look. I walked slowly to an empty table and had a seat, wondering just what I should do next. Lesage had called me out. I guess I’d underestimated the amount of thought people like The Warden, Sigurd and even ‘The Gentleman’ would put into my presence. It was a thought I’d probably had spent more time on had I not been interrupted by a familiar odor and the unmistakable voice of a certain sleazy prairie dog.

“My dear, please do not mistake this intrusion as an act of hostility.” Abernathy smiled, coming behind me.
“The way you tense up one would think you didn’t care for my company.” I wasn’t too conflicted to shoot him a dirty look.
“May I? I’ve worked up an awful sweat running around the yard and there is a frightful pain in my legs that only a sit with a good friend can absolve.” I was quick to remind him that we were not friends and his company was unwelcome, but it was hard to discount his persistence. “Thank you kindly, little one. You do me kind to let this old dog share in your company.” He took off his stylish hat for the first time.

“What do you want, Abernathy?” I growled, trying not to make a scene.

He waved me down dismissively.
“I think now is not the time for public displays of testosterone, what little of it you have, honey. No, I’m more concerned about our mutual acquaintance.” The slick prairie dog seemed unthreatening, but that image was just a facade. The gentlemen’s reputation preceded him and he was, if nothing else, a master manipulator.

“Whatever your game is, I’m not playing, Abernathy.” My words were biting and full of venom. I knew he’d taken an interest in me as some sort of chess piece. Whatever he’d planned, I wanted no part of it.

“Don’t get me wrong, son. I am not here to stir the pot. But you see, I like that our devilishly attractive Warden has some concerns about your effects on our prize fighter.” He leaned in close.
“I’ll tell you, my beautiful blue friend. I’ll tell you why he’s helping you. But this information will not come at a small price.” His words shot through me. I wanted to tell him to piss off, but the events that had transpired since I’d arrived had me more than a bit curious.

“I’ve nothing to barter and whatever it is you want from me, I doubt I’d be obliged to give you.” I said, mocking his patterns of speech.

Abernathy smiled, as amused as ever, and reached into his pocket to take out a small box and set it on the table.
“Simply, when you leave, and leave you shall, take this to my brother who will meet you on the outside and help you along.” In the box, just small enough to fit in my hand, was a pendant, etched with the symbol of a particular coat of arms I’d never seen. Before I could ask what it was and why I needed to deliver it, he placed an arm around me.
“It is a symbol of my great family. It tells my brother and my kin that I indeed owe you and yours a debt, and they will pay it as you need it in my stead.”

I glared at him, shoving him off of me and pushing the box back to him. “I do not want your help or your family’s help. Why would I trust you? Why would you help me?”

The prairie dog chuckled again, patting me on my head like I was a cute little pup. “My dear, you mistake my actions. I do this not for your favor or to gain trust from you. I do this for the same reason our large friend protects you.”

I folded my arms, leaning back with obvious disbelief in my eyes. What possibly could he and Sigurd share? Why would I believe any of what he had to say? Part of me wanted to walk away, but another part knew I had to hear what he had to say.

Abernathy picked his hat up and stood from the table, walking behind me casually and pushing the small box back into my hands. “Guilt, my interesting little lady boy, is the man of action’s worst nightmare. A pit of discontent within the self that drives you to second-guess yourself. I seek nothing more than to repent for my crimes against you and yours as my large friend does.”

I wondered, what he meant exactly. I knew he’d been a despicable criminal, trafficking young girls as part of some secret slave ring. But what did that have to do with Sigurd?

“I am not as evil as you might think,” he continued gently, “I was hired to help increase the financial support of a group called the ‘The Fist of Brynhildr”. Now I will admit, kidnapping young women is a terrible crime, but I assure you not one’s life was made worse by my actions.”

The look on his face was serious, he wanted me to believe what he was saying. I just didn’t care though, and I didn’t want to hear him. As I stood up, he grabbed my arm. He was quick, maybe even quicker than the Warden, and his grip was firm.
“It would be wise for someone in your position to take in all information before making a decision,” he insisted forcefully. I looked around and now a few people were watching. I couldn’t afford to make a scene.
“Get to the point...” I snarled.

“The seas are calm for the one who rides with the waves, but those determined to their path are crushed by the tides my young friend.”

“Don’t you quote scripture to me! YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE FAITH!” I shouted, livid that he would presume to use the words of the Levinian against me. I was not as religious as my sister, nor any of the affirmed. But I’ve seen her, I’ve seen my Goddess...both beautiful and terrifying in her splendor. I would not have that heathen sully the word in his sick game.

“In my vocation I learn many things. Certainly I learned that the words of the Crystal Goddess of Ahes say that even a wretch like me deserves a chance at redemption, and you, my obviously faithful practitioner, are obliged to give it to me.” His smile was disgusting. It was that confident and self-assured smile that every man gets when they know they’ve won. I wanted to slap him in his smug, prick face. But he was right. I couldn’t feel indignation of his use of the ‘Word’ and then turn my back, not abiding by it.

I sat down quietly, looking as peaceful as I could, while trying to hold back the distaste I felt. I’ll admit I had a small bit of admiration for his masterful mind games. He’d certainly played me into a corner, pitting my sensibility against my pride in my culture and religion.

“That a girl,” he mocked me.
“Now then. Money doesn’t grow on trees, son. You know that though. It takes a lot of money to get any damn thing done around here. And when you’re fighting a corporation with endless funds moving you and yours off your land, killing pups and women without a word from your government; well, you need a lot of money. That’s when you hire a guy like me. I make money but I don’t always make it in a way that agrees with others.” He shrugged and reached in his pocket for a photo.
“Kid, Sigurd’s people hired me to manage and procure financial solutions for their fight against some corporation. Their group got desperate and I got approached to facilitate a new breed of Secondaries. Young women trained from the ground up to be the assistants and personal servants of CEOs and very powerful men and women. Most of these girls are chosen from very terrible places and are raised to be smart, capable and loyal. Every good corporate bigwig has one behind him, making sure everything is right. I sleep at night knowing that I’ve provided a better life for these girls...”

I snarled and stood again. I did not have time to listen to a guilty man’s fever dream. The pups of Ahes were not impoverished and certainly didn’t get taken to better lives.

“Sit for a minute and hear it all.” I looked away, content to stand. He sighed and continued.
“Sigurd was the leader of this band. When he found out where the money was coming from, he asked me stop. He felt bad... but his people were losing. They were dying and I had a client who wanted three Ahes pups, and for that they would not only pay a handsome fee, but they would use their influence to help end the conflict in Sigurd’s favor. You see, it was just land to these companies, to Sigurd’s people it’s home. On a whim and on the back of one of your blue beauties, some rich guy decided to spare all of those lives. Sigurd agreed with me it was the best solution...he traded their lives, son.”

I hit him. I hit him as hard as I could. I didn’t hold back any of my strength or skill. I hit him as if one punch could kill a man. He hit the ground hard, bleeding on the floor and coughing. For his part, I’ll admit the man had an impressive constitution. That punch would have knocked out a lesser man.

“LIAR!” I growled, “I am not so easily manipulated!”

“We are men of action, young one,” he continued to cough, getting slowly to his feet. “Liars do not become us. If you do not believe me, ask him yourself. I only ask for what he asks for, forgiveness. You see, son, I didn’t do it for Sigurd or his people. I didn’t do it for money. My pride got the best of me, son. No one had ever gone into Ahes and ever did anything like that. Fooled the Royal Guard and all those well trained civilian soldiers. Your entire culture is a well oiled machine.” His voice cracked and I sensed shame. “I wanted to know if I could pull it off.”

“You think helping me will atone for you? Those girls are lost forever!”
“Maybe, but I don’t expect you to forgive me. The Goddess says the penitent man should expect only to seek atonement. Expectation of forgiveness is vanity.”

I wanted to punch him again for invoking the word. An outsider, a non-believer... but truths aren’t truths if they aren’t universal. “It’s not up to me to forgive you...or him!” I replied, feeling righteous indignation.

“Oh, I know, son. But as first steps go, you can see how this would be an opportunity I’m not likely to pass.” He smiled and I wanted to break his face. But instead I backed away.

I don’t know what I thought, moving through the hall. The guards shouted to me to slow down, but I refused to hear them. Every camera, every security drone was fixed on me. I didn’t care. I made my way from central to my cell and there he was standing there like he expected me.

“You BASTARD!” I growled, punching Sigurd as hard as I could. His jaw was hard as a rock and his body swayed only slightly. I was so furious I almost didn’t notice he’d not even stepped back. “How could you... how dare you!” I was mad. I had felt something for him. I’d respected him. I knew everyone here was a criminal and I still let myself believe there was a decent man in him.

He replied coolly, “I knew Abernathy would play his hand sooner or later.”

I punched him again for that. “This is not a GAME!” I shouted, almost in tears. He looked away, no words for his actions. No bit of sorrow or remorse. At least Abernathy could feign humility. Sigurd just stood there, tall and strong like nothing affected him. I punched him, again and again. I hit him as much as I could until I was exhausted. He just stood there and took each blow. “The Warden knew, everyone here knew didn’t they... why you and that mongrel are here.” I wished my stare could bore a hole through his thick skull and watch his brain matter pool on the ground like clam chowder. As I swung again, he finally reacted, catching my fist. I tried to swing again and he caught the other. He pulled me close and I could see the intensity in his eyes.

“What would you have me say? Should I apologize? Should I explain myself. Sometimes we have to make fucked up choices. Sometimes we can’t justify them. I’m here because someone had to pay and I let it happen and that’s my burden to bear. There was nothing I could do, but I couldn’t just do nothing...so here I am, doing what I can.”

“And that justifies it...” I whimpered, defeated and emotionally drained. He let me go and I crumpled to the ground, crying like a child.

“Nothing justifies it, it’s just what I had to do. When you take it upon yourself to save someone you care about, you can’t be concerned with coming up clean or justified. You trade that dignity and that innocence for their well-being. There are no heroes or villains. Just men and their actions.”

He sat on his bed and laid down, unafraid of any reprisal. I was also too tired and too angry to continue. I sneered at him and with a heavy feeling in my chest took the first step and climbed to my top bunk.

“It’s not even worth it to you to say sorry?” I asked.

He shifted in his bed and I heard him groan. “I could say it, but it would be worth nothing at all...”

<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>