Art by  Foxenawolf

Words and Pura Doris Quaatsch by  KintoMythostian

FBA and Wendy Brown (used with permission) belong to  BuckHopper


On March 9, 2013, Wendy Brown (sabre-toothed tiger, G) was traded from the Bangor Tides to the San Jose Thrust. Pura Doris “Sluggy” Quaatsch (zebra, G) was thrilled to no longer be the only female on the Thrust.

After their first game as teammates against the Santa Fe Whips, they retire to the visitor’s women’s showers.

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“You did a really good job tonight, Wendy.”

Wendy grunted.

“I think you’ll like it on the Thrust.”

The feline shrugged.

“If you’d like I could take you out to lunch when we get back to San Jose. Show you around the town.”

Wendy grunted. The zebra had spent all game cheering from the bench, applauding every time someone on the Thrust made a basket.

“I know a place that does a really good honey ant salad, though I’m sure they have some good carnivore options too.”

Wendy scoffed under her breath. The obnoxiously perky equine kept nattering on.

“This is all rather sudden, really. I don’t know if you’ve found a place to stay yet.”

“No,” Wendy mumbled.

Sluggy noticed movement on the floor out of the corner of her eye. “Well, if you are looking, there are a couple vacancies in my building. Wouldn’t that be cool? We could carpool together.”

Wendy rolled her eyes.

The zebra turned to follow the movement and saw a large brown spider creeping across the tile. “I’ve got an old Saab Turbo. I call her Snigel.”

The girl named her car? Geez. Wendy didn’t know anyone actually did that.

The arachnid was more than an inch across, of the kind that were all over the desert around Santa Fe. “That’s Swedish for snail, you know.”

I don’t care, Wendy thought.

The zebra grabbed a small paper cup and a scrap of paper from her locker. “I did notice a few things when you were playing though. If you’d like some advice.”

The tiger arched an eyebrow. The zebra hadn’t played a single minute all game; what could possibly make her think Wendy would want her advice.

Sluggy crouched down and attempted to guide the spider into the cup. “You made a lot of good passes, but you took a lot of risks, too.”

Wendy gave a low hiss; the stupid prey would not take a hint.

The spider scurried away from the plastic cup; Sluggy moved to cut off its escape. “You had quite a few turnovers. As a team, we’ve been struggling with that all season, really. You might want to work on that next practice.”

The hiss graduated to a growl.

The spider finally scuttled towards the cup with gentle encouragement from the crouched zebra. “And you were making a lot of fouls out there. That’s not really how we do things in San Jose—“

*STOMP!*

A clawed paw slammed down onto the spider.

Sluggy’s jaw dropped in speechless horror.

“Don’t you *ever* shut up?!” the feline snapped.

“Why would you do that?!” Sluggy wailed.

“It’s a *** spider. Get over it.”

“You killed her! She wasn’t bothering you!”

“No, but you were. Let’s get this straight. I don’t want to go to your fruity little salad restaurant, I don’t want to carpool with you, and I sure as hell don’t want your ‘advice’!”

“I was just trying to help!” Sluggy pleaded, her eyes beginning to water.

“What, are you gonna cry now? Is the prey gonna cry?”

“You… you bully!”

“This is the FBA, you overdressed Ikea meatball. No one’s gonna coddle you. You don’t tell me how to play my game, and I won’t tell you how to warm the bench.” Wendy wiped her paw off with a towel. “Grow up,” she said on her way out of the room.

Sluggy slumped to the floor, staring at the smashed spider through teary eyes.



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Art by Foxenawolf, posted with permission. Pura Doris Quaatsch belongs to Kinto Mythostian; Wendy Brown created by JTigerclaw and belongs to Buck Hopper, used with permission