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vent art
i always refer to dragoncat as her own entity as, as much as she is me, she is simply something I want to be. I envy her. She has personality traits that I wish I had, strength and independence and above all, a purpose.
It sort of makes me sound like a lunatic.
Shes always been there for me. Shes my guardian, I am her caretaker.
We've been through a lot, I've put her through a lot.
The drugs have sort of made a different kind of crutch. I dont look to DC much anymore for "advice". Sometimes its a fight with giving in to the black wolf thats always at the corner of my eyes ready to bite my heals and drag me away.
She may not be a positive creature, but she sometimes reminds me reasons to be alive. To enjoy the creatures I took into my life to look over, my birds and my cats. I've sorta engraind it into my mind that this is the reason why I have to suffer through the painful things I expereince. Its sort of sad because it doesnt involve people and again makes me sound crazy.
I cant kill myself because of Grace, my cockatoo, the best friend I've had for 13 years. You should at this point all know I'm at times a black and white person, theres always this ultimatum I hold in the back of my mind, sometimes curseing that I have things in the way from being gone, but later greatful that I was someone that had that 1 thing that has convinced me to stay. It would kill me more to see Grace owned by another human being.
I'm better about things, but its always been a struggle. I always reach some awesome high and then tumble into darkness. Im cursed with hormones that refuse to be normal lol, this isnt even a whiney emo bitch thing; I dont have the option to "get over it", I'm just sorta rideing along this mostly predictable ride, but takes these sudden turns where I have to wait it out or back track for an explanation "Is what I feel from the medication, or honest depression?" It can be a lot to handle when you dont want to handle it, but after 3 years of this bullshit, I know I have no choice but to be a slave to the medication..
O THE AWESOME LIFE OF ME lol
anyways, this is for my alter self? dragoncat, dont fucking leave me bitch
i always refer to dragoncat as her own entity as, as much as she is me, she is simply something I want to be. I envy her. She has personality traits that I wish I had, strength and independence and above all, a purpose.
It sort of makes me sound like a lunatic.
Shes always been there for me. Shes my guardian, I am her caretaker.
We've been through a lot, I've put her through a lot.
The drugs have sort of made a different kind of crutch. I dont look to DC much anymore for "advice". Sometimes its a fight with giving in to the black wolf thats always at the corner of my eyes ready to bite my heals and drag me away.
She may not be a positive creature, but she sometimes reminds me reasons to be alive. To enjoy the creatures I took into my life to look over, my birds and my cats. I've sorta engraind it into my mind that this is the reason why I have to suffer through the painful things I expereince. Its sort of sad because it doesnt involve people and again makes me sound crazy.
I cant kill myself because of Grace, my cockatoo, the best friend I've had for 13 years. You should at this point all know I'm at times a black and white person, theres always this ultimatum I hold in the back of my mind, sometimes curseing that I have things in the way from being gone, but later greatful that I was someone that had that 1 thing that has convinced me to stay. It would kill me more to see Grace owned by another human being.
I'm better about things, but its always been a struggle. I always reach some awesome high and then tumble into darkness. Im cursed with hormones that refuse to be normal lol, this isnt even a whiney emo bitch thing; I dont have the option to "get over it", I'm just sorta rideing along this mostly predictable ride, but takes these sudden turns where I have to wait it out or back track for an explanation "Is what I feel from the medication, or honest depression?" It can be a lot to handle when you dont want to handle it, but after 3 years of this bullshit, I know I have no choice but to be a slave to the medication..
O THE AWESOME LIFE OF ME lol
anyways, this is for my alter self? dragoncat, dont fucking leave me bitch
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 853px
File Size 1.65 MB
I'm sure I'm just repeating myself, but as long as you keep your friends and family close and don't hold your true feelings back around them, you can ride out any of those dark times. It's only when you embrace that urge to push everyone away that you sink deeper and can stay down indefinitely. You know it's part of a cycle, so just keep the thought active in your mind that at the end of every drop there will be another climb.
I truly do not believe your insane for this. I know Gilian started off the same, and become someone of his own will and nature. Someone different from me and a guy I wish to be, the guy I lean on when I'm down, and the person who randomly bitches at me when I'm being an emotional bitch. So I do know the feeling quite well. Just saddening that both me and him are horrible procrastators...So working on stories and novels/ideas tend to be a hassle without a pep talk.
Also it's good to vent and let loose the steam. Even better to know yourself. Even better to be an animal person <3
Also it's good to vent and let loose the steam. Even better to know yourself. Even better to be an animal person <3
I know a bit of what you mean... My own persona is a comfort to me when I'm struggling.
I guess all the art and journals that people make on FA to express their feelings, all the vents, point to something: you never know what's really troubling a person. But I admire that some people are able to put on a smile and have a little fun in their life even with all their pains, or they are otherwise able to cope (to some degree at least) without turning to some destructive path. That includes you.
I can't really hope that you'll get better, there are some things that stay with you for life. But I can pray that you have the strength to bear your heavy burden.
I guess all the art and journals that people make on FA to express their feelings, all the vents, point to something: you never know what's really troubling a person. But I admire that some people are able to put on a smile and have a little fun in their life even with all their pains, or they are otherwise able to cope (to some degree at least) without turning to some destructive path. That includes you.
I can't really hope that you'll get better, there are some things that stay with you for life. But I can pray that you have the strength to bear your heavy burden.
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