Poo on your not good enough... this was wonderful....

V.

Thank you for your praise, Vixxy. Maybe I'll be happier with whatever I do next. And thank you for the fave, as well.

While people deride sterotypes and cliches they are that way for a reason. They work. The trick is not going overboard or putting in too many of them.

The situation may be a little shopworn overall, but there's nothing here that stands out to me as inherently unrealistic or unbelievable. I particularly like the scent descriptions scattered through the first part -- too many people, including myself at times, forget how scent-based any anthro character would logically be. Part of the reason you're dissatisfied may be that the characters are a bit more broadly drawn than you usually do, but that's nothing that wouldn't be helped with a few more personal details for the lion, coupled with perhaps a few memories or a ghost of a flashback to his combat.

I also liked the term NeoBangers and the half-shaved heads. I'm always fond of details like that, particularly if the invented term has the right ring to it, as this does. >^_^<

I think you may be right. The lion doesn't even have a name. He's just a placeholder for all the large warrior types who do battle with evil villains in dark shadowy places. I was striving to explain what was going on 'under the surface' so hard that I didn't do the surface itself any justice.

Thanks. Now at least I know what's wrong with it.

I also forgot to mention that I really liked the Fire metaphor to describe the aggression reaction, and the paragraph where the lion struggles to keep from hurting (or killing) the man he's just rescued. That battle with his instincts takes just a couple of sentences, but it's a vivid and telling moment. >^_^<

Greetings,

Quite interesting. Going to agree with Tigress on this one that the fire metaphor is awesome. I think if you wanted, you could shape this up and take it somewhere. Thanks for sharing!

Koronis

I agree about noting scents and other things that would slip past someone who relied so much on sight...it's something almost all of us have to work on (unless we take the cheap way out and say attention to those senses was engineered away somehow)...

Woh. That was a fun ride, your own critique not doing it justice.
I'm loath to do a 'what they said' on you, but our compatriots above have made all the points I would, were I not content just to say 'that was great!', which it was.

I kind of have to agree with Metassus. :) You may have been overly hard on yourself. If nothing else, the characterization of "the Fire" is both creative and powerful, an excellent way of conveying that sense to a reader who has never experienced such a sensation.

I also liked the victim's actions at the end. It put a smile on my face, anyway. :)

Intense. Detailed. Great scene, I really liked reading this. A bit of violence, but nothing too discriptive. Gangsters get the lower hand in a fight. Serves them right. Great short story.