There was this wolf, see, and this squirrel, and there was this ... er ... accident, see ... and -- and -- well, see for yourself.

(Inspired by  poetigress and the Thursday Prompt.)

oOo

I swear I didn't do it
and yeh know I didn't do it
Coz I wouldn' and I couldn'
an' I'd never try t'do it!
Don't listen to their story
and their stupid bid for glory,
Coz they're lyin', and they're try'na
turn it into sump'n gory!

Thu tree was big and tall
an' t'leaves were on the fall
When along a branch he tottered
an' I knew he was too small.
I was hopin' for a good meal
coz I didn't have a great deal
Of m'lunch or m'brunch --
I'da' even et a cheese wheel!

So he looked at me and grinned
an' -- I swear -- he was so thin!
If I licked my chops he'd call the cops
an' git me taken in.
If I ever once attacked
those nut-packers -- they're so cracked! --
May m'sharp claws an' m'strong jaws
fall t'dust until I'm jacked.

Oh, I admit I asked him down
but he wouldn't -- not allow'd --
An' he taunted an' he flaunted
as I lay down on the ground;
Then, I swear, it passed
that he turned around too fast:
Slip' an' tumbled an' he fumbled,
afore he fell down toward t'grass.

Well, I panicked as he fell,
as I'm sure he did as well,
An' I gasped an' I rasped
as he screamed "Oh bloody hell!"
So I tried to catch his fall;
didn't work it right at all,
With my teeth not my feet --
and he slipped right down my maw!

I swear it was real rough
as I tried to cough him up
Coz I thumped an' I pumped
at my chest to give 'im air.
But then at last I knew,
an' I guess that he did too,
That he's dinner, I'm the winner,
an' he'd soon be wolfy doo.

When the pigs came to arrest me
(an' I knew that they detest me,)
I told 'em and cajoled 'em
with the story I have told ye,
But a wolf gets no respect
from the laws our kind rejects,
And at noon I'll meet m'doom,
and get hard labour -- I expect.