this will probably go into scraps.

I dunno... ive been trying to build a new body of work. focused on this strange feeling towards sex that i have. Towards porn as well, sexism within it, fetishism of rape. Misogynist apologetics of rape.

Im trying i guess to figure out a way to make (this body of work at least) the images, contrasting values and selected colors confuse the viewer. is that skin so pale and odd because of my painterly style or is it so pale looking because it us the pallor of a corpse? Is the fabric red from blood or just dyed red? Is the arm grasping and the back arching out of pain or orgasm? and not knowing for sure... having to ask one's self how I feel about it.

I dunno im just trying to figure out my own convictions, my own exceptions to them. asking myself if i should feel guilty about the things i do, see and engage in.

I think this painting sucks though. horrible composition, I really need to work on painting fabric. i also really need to work on the contrast of my images. Its not stark enough to cause the eerie darkness i want.

its not got the allure i think of Youth And Lust, the dog faced girl with the bloody nose and dead stare. The painting was just really good. i had good reference, i just had alot of lucky mistakes that ended up making a really beautiful and colorful image of something horrible. I love looking at it. it makes me cringe and swoon at the same time. I want to work more on that effect.

tell me what YOU think about all that.

cause i already have a piece in the works that i hope will get into the whole feel of that a lot with a whole lot more vigor disgust and beauty.

maybe i will go back into this. maybe i will try at it with a different medium who knows.