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More from greydiamond
A poem I made from the heart.
enjoy~ ^^
Wonderful days ahead.
I wait patiently for the night to start
The tempo lowers as the sky blackens
The weather chills but does not freeze.
The winter night keeps me wide-awake.
But flakes of snow
Their patterns show
Beauty in the smallest things.
And so I take a walk of faith
And try to keep to winter's pace
As snowflakes fall upon my face
Looking with cautious eyes to find my footing in the snow.
I want to go farther,
To see a place
So far out in the wild,
That the world itself does not dwell within.
But a life I must live,
And a journey I must take
Then someday I will find this place
Wonderful days ahead
enjoy~ ^^
Wonderful days ahead.
I wait patiently for the night to start
The tempo lowers as the sky blackens
The weather chills but does not freeze.
The winter night keeps me wide-awake.
But flakes of snow
Their patterns show
Beauty in the smallest things.
And so I take a walk of faith
And try to keep to winter's pace
As snowflakes fall upon my face
Looking with cautious eyes to find my footing in the snow.
I want to go farther,
To see a place
So far out in the wild,
That the world itself does not dwell within.
But a life I must live,
And a journey I must take
Then someday I will find this place
Wonderful days ahead
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 87px
File Size 64.1 kB
You are a diamond by name, Mr. Greydiamond, and this poem really is a true diamond in the rough.
There are plenty of amateur poets on furaffinity, most of whom produce material that very much reflects that fact. Nevertheless, not many of them show such a natural feel for imagery and phrasing as you do here.
I think that with some practice and honing of your technique, you could quite easily become one of the finest poets in the fandom, and I assure you that these are not words I throw around lightly.
I have also given it a fave, just because I really do consider it an extraordinary effort at amateur level.
There are plenty of amateur poets on furaffinity, most of whom produce material that very much reflects that fact. Nevertheless, not many of them show such a natural feel for imagery and phrasing as you do here.
I think that with some practice and honing of your technique, you could quite easily become one of the finest poets in the fandom, and I assure you that these are not words I throw around lightly.
I have also given it a fave, just because I really do consider it an extraordinary effort at amateur level.
This is very good. The only problem I see with it is the line "the weather chills but does not freeze" and yet the main focus of the poem is then about snow, which requires it to be at or below freezing in order to stick around. Since this poem is about your experience, perhaps you could change that line to something more in line with the abstract nature of the snow: "the weather chills but my breath does not freeze".
Finding a place so in the wild that the world itself does not dwell within--that is a beautiful line :) I can relate to the search.
Finding a place so in the wild that the world itself does not dwell within--that is a beautiful line :) I can relate to the search.
Thank you so much for believing in my poem Wotan. I shall continue in making more poems in the future as they come to me.
TKR: in the line "the weather chills but does not freeze" i am talking about how it is very cold but is not uncomfortable i should of typed the line " the weather freezes but does not chill me"
thank you TKR ^^ i am glad that you enjoyed my poem
TKR: in the line "the weather chills but does not freeze" i am talking about how it is very cold but is not uncomfortable i should of typed the line " the weather freezes but does not chill me"
thank you TKR ^^ i am glad that you enjoyed my poem
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