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The weight of water crushes me. It bears down upon my neck, pushing me down.
I’m drowning.
Don’t you see, this is about so much more than my last mistake?
It’s my fault.
It’s all crashing down around me.
I push against the water.
It floods the space between my fingers and surrounds me again.
My fingers curl into fists, my nails biting into my skin.
It’s kissing me; the water is kissing my lips like a lover or a mother.
I can hear it in the channels of my ears.
It’s asking me to kiss back, to let it in.
I try to keep them shut, keep my lips pressed together, but I can’t. They open of their own accord, and the water rushes in.
It’s filling my throat.
There’s fish swimming in my mouth and weeds clinging to my teeth. I’m so far down; the surface is beginning to disappear.
The liquid is touching my face, my cheeks, my nose, the Cupid’s bow above my lips. It caresses my body, overcoming me with its touch.
It pushes me further, the light from above becoming weaker. The world around me now is inky black.
I blink and blink, but the black across my sight stays.
-
Being in a relationship is a task in itself. However, when one of the partners has severe anxieties and emotional instabilities; It's difficulty is thrice-fold. The downs are more dramatic and even painful, over the smallest things- What someone said, a tone, a text, a sigh. These "episodes" can last anywhere for hours, to months, and even years. The smallest thing could set off an arsenal of triggers, often resulting in a spiral and emotional fallout. Victims don't want to be victimized, however it's sometimes the only thing they know, and have so much trouble moving on. When they do find the one person who will keep them standing when they don't want to- Letting go seems very much less scary.
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This piece speaks volumes to me. Doubly so with the day I have been having.
This is beautiful, Casey. Her expression absolutely shatters my heart. I can feel what she is feeling. Not only from experience, but from just viewing this. You've always been really talented when it comes to putting feeling into your emotional pieces. I'm blown away. You're amazing, chick <3
This is beautiful, Casey. Her expression absolutely shatters my heart. I can feel what she is feeling. Not only from experience, but from just viewing this. You've always been really talented when it comes to putting feeling into your emotional pieces. I'm blown away. You're amazing, chick <3
Can I just... Thank you. This picture shows the things my mate and I go through on a daily basis due to my DID and PTSD. I have uncommonly strong trust issues and it is so hard on him to go through all of the stuff my mental state puts him through. I have 8 personalities and each one is completely different. He has been through so much just to be with me and I am forever grateful. I love him so much and this just... I wish I could tell you how much this piece of art has hit me in the absolutely best way. Thank you...
I stumbled on this and it's very good, but what hits me more is what you said in the comments pertaining to being in a relationship with someone with severe anxiety.
I know this all too well.
I know this was two years ago, but still, I feel compelled to offer my thoughts:
Victim personalities, I have learned, will victimize others around them. Anxiety is the loneliest emotion because after a certain reasonable point, people have to deal with it themselves. When they can't or won't do that, they become abusive and damaging to those around them. The worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it as it is up to them and them alone.
My advice; to you, or anyone who reads this is; Do. Not. Play. The. Game. Period.
Let me explain. I have been in a "situation" (I hesitate to call it a relationship anymore) with a person for the last 5 years who has had severe anxiety. I also have an anxiety disorder, but I learned positive coping skills and management techniques so I stay level and at peace. The first thing that will happen around on of these people is that they will drown you, that is, they will attack and trigger all of your negativity and anxiety, and even the most level of us find that hard to stand against. They will also need you or cling, while at the same time, they will abuse you mentally, verbally, making you feel low, putting you down, attacking your character, etc.
First trick is, know yourself. Nothing they say, when in those states, is valid. Refuse to accept it and know yourself, both what your strengths are, and your faults. Accept them, square with them, and don't internalize anything they say or do.
Second; Know their patterns. Everyone with anxiety falls into patterns. Learn to recognize when and how things start and remove yourself from them.
third: DON'T argue. You don't have to defend you. Just state things once, then do what you are going to do, regardless of them.
fourth: DON'T take on their issues. "I don't know" "Gee, that sucks" "Oh I'm sorry to hear that" or even "That's your problem, mate" all sound mean and disengenuous, but remember that the particular brand of beast you are dealing with here feeds off the attention that their anxiety gets them. They WANT someone to take responsibility for their issues and any move towards sympathy runs the risk of fueling them further, making the issue less likely to resolve.
Should you stay with someone like this? I don't know, but realize that if you do, you need to remember that this is what you are dealing with and you need to always keep in focus that you and your well being may not be their top priority. Even when they need you/ cling to you/ love you, it's really just about their fear of change, fear of losing something, fear of consequences. People who have severe anxiety that are not dealing with it cannot be anything but self centered because they are in a constant state of self protection. Remember that and practice doing you and not being tethered to their drama.
I know this all too well.
I know this was two years ago, but still, I feel compelled to offer my thoughts:
Victim personalities, I have learned, will victimize others around them. Anxiety is the loneliest emotion because after a certain reasonable point, people have to deal with it themselves. When they can't or won't do that, they become abusive and damaging to those around them. The worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it as it is up to them and them alone.
My advice; to you, or anyone who reads this is; Do. Not. Play. The. Game. Period.
Let me explain. I have been in a "situation" (I hesitate to call it a relationship anymore) with a person for the last 5 years who has had severe anxiety. I also have an anxiety disorder, but I learned positive coping skills and management techniques so I stay level and at peace. The first thing that will happen around on of these people is that they will drown you, that is, they will attack and trigger all of your negativity and anxiety, and even the most level of us find that hard to stand against. They will also need you or cling, while at the same time, they will abuse you mentally, verbally, making you feel low, putting you down, attacking your character, etc.
First trick is, know yourself. Nothing they say, when in those states, is valid. Refuse to accept it and know yourself, both what your strengths are, and your faults. Accept them, square with them, and don't internalize anything they say or do.
Second; Know their patterns. Everyone with anxiety falls into patterns. Learn to recognize when and how things start and remove yourself from them.
third: DON'T argue. You don't have to defend you. Just state things once, then do what you are going to do, regardless of them.
fourth: DON'T take on their issues. "I don't know" "Gee, that sucks" "Oh I'm sorry to hear that" or even "That's your problem, mate" all sound mean and disengenuous, but remember that the particular brand of beast you are dealing with here feeds off the attention that their anxiety gets them. They WANT someone to take responsibility for their issues and any move towards sympathy runs the risk of fueling them further, making the issue less likely to resolve.
Should you stay with someone like this? I don't know, but realize that if you do, you need to remember that this is what you are dealing with and you need to always keep in focus that you and your well being may not be their top priority. Even when they need you/ cling to you/ love you, it's really just about their fear of change, fear of losing something, fear of consequences. People who have severe anxiety that are not dealing with it cannot be anything but self centered because they are in a constant state of self protection. Remember that and practice doing you and not being tethered to their drama.
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