
Praying In The Shower
Dear Diary…
I am scared…I am very scared. I fear that there is something in my body that does not belong there, something that will cause me ill and great pain, both mentally and physically. It was from a mistake, something that happened long ago. I am scared because I fear that I do have it…or I don’t… I have no real answer at all and I want one. I want to have my question answered. I want a solid answer to the question that is causing me fear and misery…
I pray to God to find that answer. I pray to God when I am scared and alone, when I feel like something that has happened to me and it was beyond my control to drive it away, I pray. But…you know me more than anyone else in the world. You know that I am not fixed on a religion. I don’t pray every Sunday. I don’t go to church or chapel. I don’t read any Bibles. You know that I believe in many Gods from different religions. You know that I am open minded and that I am kind to others ( most of the times ). You know that when someone talks about their God, I sit and I listen. I take in all the information they give me, but I don’t follow their path… But whenever I am scared or worried about someone I love dearly, I pray to God… The problem is, I don’t know which God I am praying for or if that God listens to me or not. I do believe in God: a high and powerful life force that watches over us, who protects us when we pray and ask, who answers in small ways and sometimes not at all… How do I know that he is listening…?
I prayed in the shower today…I couldn’t help but feel a sense of enclosure and peace in the shower, with the water hitting my bare body and my arms hugging around myself. I grow weak and fragile in the shower to the point where I sometimes break down. I prayed in the shower, begging God or to whoever is listening to help me, to look after me, and beg for forgiveness…I don’t know if I was pray right or not…I don’t know if there is a right way to pray to God, how to get my message across. Its like emailing or sending a letter... “ Did I send it to the right person?”
I spoke to my roommate after my break in the shower, telling him about happened to me and about God. My roommate is very spiritual and practices many religions, trying to find his place in the world. He told me some words about God and His existence in all of us:
“ God is like an energy flow, an aura around us. God is with us all the time. He is an aura that circles and hugs our bodies where ever we go. Whenever we feel positive about ourselves and one another, whenever we feel happy and content and do good for other people, God is with us, making us feel good and happy. Whenever we do something negative, something that hurts others and ourselves, that is us pushing God away. Gods presence is with us all the time and God helps His children in times of need. Sometimes God answers to you in small messages or signs. It might be the answer you are looking for, or the answer you were not hoping to hear. When you think aloud in your mind, that is God answering back, or what others say is ‘common sense’. There is no correct way to pray. You choose whatever means necessary to pray to God, in the showers or on your knees. God always listens.”
Many people have different answers about God and I don’t know which one is right or wrong? Is there no right answer or wrong answer? Is it the answer we come up with ourselves right? I am so confused and scared. I want to do the right thing. I want to be on the dot, on the level… I just want to be calm and happy again…but I have to wait until the test results from the doctors comes back… Until then, I cannot help but worry and cry and continue to pray to God, hoping that He has an open ear to me…
- Anne
Praying In The Shower © 2008 Alex Cockburn
I am scared…I am very scared. I fear that there is something in my body that does not belong there, something that will cause me ill and great pain, both mentally and physically. It was from a mistake, something that happened long ago. I am scared because I fear that I do have it…or I don’t… I have no real answer at all and I want one. I want to have my question answered. I want a solid answer to the question that is causing me fear and misery…
I pray to God to find that answer. I pray to God when I am scared and alone, when I feel like something that has happened to me and it was beyond my control to drive it away, I pray. But…you know me more than anyone else in the world. You know that I am not fixed on a religion. I don’t pray every Sunday. I don’t go to church or chapel. I don’t read any Bibles. You know that I believe in many Gods from different religions. You know that I am open minded and that I am kind to others ( most of the times ). You know that when someone talks about their God, I sit and I listen. I take in all the information they give me, but I don’t follow their path… But whenever I am scared or worried about someone I love dearly, I pray to God… The problem is, I don’t know which God I am praying for or if that God listens to me or not. I do believe in God: a high and powerful life force that watches over us, who protects us when we pray and ask, who answers in small ways and sometimes not at all… How do I know that he is listening…?
I prayed in the shower today…I couldn’t help but feel a sense of enclosure and peace in the shower, with the water hitting my bare body and my arms hugging around myself. I grow weak and fragile in the shower to the point where I sometimes break down. I prayed in the shower, begging God or to whoever is listening to help me, to look after me, and beg for forgiveness…I don’t know if I was pray right or not…I don’t know if there is a right way to pray to God, how to get my message across. Its like emailing or sending a letter... “ Did I send it to the right person?”
I spoke to my roommate after my break in the shower, telling him about happened to me and about God. My roommate is very spiritual and practices many religions, trying to find his place in the world. He told me some words about God and His existence in all of us:
“ God is like an energy flow, an aura around us. God is with us all the time. He is an aura that circles and hugs our bodies where ever we go. Whenever we feel positive about ourselves and one another, whenever we feel happy and content and do good for other people, God is with us, making us feel good and happy. Whenever we do something negative, something that hurts others and ourselves, that is us pushing God away. Gods presence is with us all the time and God helps His children in times of need. Sometimes God answers to you in small messages or signs. It might be the answer you are looking for, or the answer you were not hoping to hear. When you think aloud in your mind, that is God answering back, or what others say is ‘common sense’. There is no correct way to pray. You choose whatever means necessary to pray to God, in the showers or on your knees. God always listens.”
Many people have different answers about God and I don’t know which one is right or wrong? Is there no right answer or wrong answer? Is it the answer we come up with ourselves right? I am so confused and scared. I want to do the right thing. I want to be on the dot, on the level… I just want to be calm and happy again…but I have to wait until the test results from the doctors comes back… Until then, I cannot help but worry and cry and continue to pray to God, hoping that He has an open ear to me…
- Anne
Praying In The Shower © 2008 Alex Cockburn
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The quote from the room mate is indeed true for practically all religions, in Christian terms the part of God which encircles you and speaks to you in your mind is called the Holy Spirit.
If you feel uncertain about which religion to choose because they all seem equal, but if still want to participate in a religious community, then you might sympathize with Bahaiism. It's quite a young religion; the Bahá'í believe that all religions believe in the same God but just interpret and worship him differently. The Bahá'í only have very few rules, If I remember an example correctly they say the human body is sacred and thus they must not take any drugs which alter your mind if you don't need them for medical reasons and they oppose cremation because it destroys the body in an unnatural way or something like that.
I don't know if they have a temple anywhere in or around Boston, I guess you can check it out yourself if you're interested or just curious.
If you feel uncertain about which religion to choose because they all seem equal, but if still want to participate in a religious community, then you might sympathize with Bahaiism. It's quite a young religion; the Bahá'í believe that all religions believe in the same God but just interpret and worship him differently. The Bahá'í only have very few rules, If I remember an example correctly they say the human body is sacred and thus they must not take any drugs which alter your mind if you don't need them for medical reasons and they oppose cremation because it destroys the body in an unnatural way or something like that.
I don't know if they have a temple anywhere in or around Boston, I guess you can check it out yourself if you're interested or just curious.
You know, the Baha'i are remarkabally similar in their beliefs to my own. I believe that there is a higher power, or God, if you will, who is indeed omnipotent. However, He (and I use the term neutrally, rather than gender-specific) is so vast, we are literally incapable of comprehending the full scope of His being. Some break Him up into multiple aspects, others apply him to their surroundings, while still others grasp that it is one individual but fall far short of defining him.
However, I will have to disagree with the Baha'i on one point. I do believe that the body is a temple to the Most High, and that you should not abuse it with drugs. However, once the spirit within departs, it is just a shell, fit only to be discarded as one sees fit. In fact, I support cremation simply to discourage misguided persons from trying to do things with those bodies that probably should never be done.
I can empathise completely with the feelings in the picture's description. I did much the same thing when I was diagnosed with cancer. What is supremely ironic is that during that time of extreme duress... I found myself growing closer to Him, because I needed Him. The duration of the chemotherepy was probably the worst experience I have ever undergone. And yet, He was with me, and my loved ones always had someone there for me, and so I was able to endure it.
I guess it's true, that which does not kill me makes me stronger. Not stronger in body, perhaps. I'll never be able to step foot in a Dojo and practice again, not like I used to. But I am stronger in spirit. I was tested, and that testing strengthened my resolve. I took those hard-learned lessons to heart. And my life has been better for it.
However, I will have to disagree with the Baha'i on one point. I do believe that the body is a temple to the Most High, and that you should not abuse it with drugs. However, once the spirit within departs, it is just a shell, fit only to be discarded as one sees fit. In fact, I support cremation simply to discourage misguided persons from trying to do things with those bodies that probably should never be done.
I can empathise completely with the feelings in the picture's description. I did much the same thing when I was diagnosed with cancer. What is supremely ironic is that during that time of extreme duress... I found myself growing closer to Him, because I needed Him. The duration of the chemotherepy was probably the worst experience I have ever undergone. And yet, He was with me, and my loved ones always had someone there for me, and so I was able to endure it.
I guess it's true, that which does not kill me makes me stronger. Not stronger in body, perhaps. I'll never be able to step foot in a Dojo and practice again, not like I used to. But I am stronger in spirit. I was tested, and that testing strengthened my resolve. I took those hard-learned lessons to heart. And my life has been better for it.
It's also ironic that money which can support those in need also drives men to do untold things, politicians to create a constitution in one generation and undermine it in the next, or that any kindness given to one situation will be taken advantage of in another.
It's not just religion that's ironic. It's all pretty damn funny, depending on how light and dark your humor can be.
It's not just religion that's ironic. It's all pretty damn funny, depending on how light and dark your humor can be.
My favorite line:
"Since when did 'love thy neighbor' turn into 'smite the heathen'?"
And I would like to point out that religion is supposed to bring peace, enlightenment, and spiritual strength, but those who pervert the religion for their own purposes teach fear, intolerance, and ignorance instead. Every religion has it's nutballs. Muslim's radical fanatics are somewhat more publicized in recent days, but Christianity has had it's shares of dips as well (KKK, to name a particularly moronic spinoff).
The problem here isn't religion, it's mortal men, and women, who pervert the teachings to further their own goals. Sad to see it happen so frequently, though.
"Since when did 'love thy neighbor' turn into 'smite the heathen'?"
And I would like to point out that religion is supposed to bring peace, enlightenment, and spiritual strength, but those who pervert the religion for their own purposes teach fear, intolerance, and ignorance instead. Every religion has it's nutballs. Muslim's radical fanatics are somewhat more publicized in recent days, but Christianity has had it's shares of dips as well (KKK, to name a particularly moronic spinoff).
The problem here isn't religion, it's mortal men, and women, who pervert the teachings to further their own goals. Sad to see it happen so frequently, though.
Well, yeah. I know about that. I wasn't really trying to nail any one faith. Christianity and Islam are practically identical religions save for different central figures. But they do all have their share of nutters and the problem is that they are usually their respective faiths' SPOKESPEOPLE. And as a result, they can't help but make their faiths look bad.
But yeah. It always comes back to people.
But yeah. It always comes back to people.
Yea, I realize you weren't bashing any one faith in particular, I was just using those as handy examples of the point I was trying to make.
But yes, it's hard to believe in, say, Catholicism... when the priests had gotten into so much trouble over those alter boys recently...
Personally, I go through life trying to follow a moral and religious example. I may not always live up to that example, but at least I try. I don't mind that fewer and fewer people in the world are doing so. That's not my problem. When I die, I won't end up in front of the Big Man and asked to explain THEIR shortcomings, just mine. Let them deal with Him when their time comes. I just do what I can where I can to make the world a little bit better place than when I found it.
But yes, it's hard to believe in, say, Catholicism... when the priests had gotten into so much trouble over those alter boys recently...
Personally, I go through life trying to follow a moral and religious example. I may not always live up to that example, but at least I try. I don't mind that fewer and fewer people in the world are doing so. That's not my problem. When I die, I won't end up in front of the Big Man and asked to explain THEIR shortcomings, just mine. Let them deal with Him when their time comes. I just do what I can where I can to make the world a little bit better place than when I found it.
you could call out a thought or belief about god for every raindrop in the storm, or every blade of grass in the field, star in the sky, and any other cliche you can think of, but ultimately, the ONLY beliefs that matter are the ones that matter to you... Me, i'm devoutly christian, albeit in a non-denominational way (one that would probably be unorthodox and ill recieved by many no doubt), but christianity isn't the only religion that means anything to me, i cherish pagan, hindu, jewish and muslim faiths as well, among others... that said, what do all of those beliefs have in common?
-code of ethics, most principles of which are similar...don't oppress people, be kind to them and help them, and be all around "nice" people...
and also?
oh screw it, damn environment around me is killing my zen >.< something about an all powerful all knowing, loving being... anyway, i found my way, and spiritually, i've been at peace for years now since i found it---ironically, Alex, it came to me in the shower/bath, crying my eyes out in prayer...
-code of ethics, most principles of which are similar...don't oppress people, be kind to them and help them, and be all around "nice" people...
and also?
oh screw it, damn environment around me is killing my zen >.< something about an all powerful all knowing, loving being... anyway, i found my way, and spiritually, i've been at peace for years now since i found it---ironically, Alex, it came to me in the shower/bath, crying my eyes out in prayer...
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