I'm always hesitant to read fan fiction, but you portrayed all of the characters very accurately, to the point that their mannerisms and turn of phrase called directly back to the movie. The story is intriguing as well, taking the bond between human and dragon to a deeper level, in a way the Eragon series catastrophically failed.

I'm ready to read more when you have it.

I'm delighted to see you making this available to a new crowd.

Hope you get some quality time with your muse soon!

On the last piece in the comments you mentioned that you were trying to find a style that works. Style often is what comes the most naturel to us.

In all honesty I don’t really care for fan fiction; I read this to see how you handle the story as an older work.

Much like your first post this was pretty solid. The style seems naturel and achieves your rhetorical purpose. I feel that this is the style you naturally should work with for your stories.

Again beautiful internal characterization, through it the work builds itself as it should.

Again, however, (perhaps as a bad habit of writing fan fiction in general) your external characterization with emphasis on iconography is completely lacking. This however, you discussed as a weakness of yours already.
I also find your unique dialogue transitions and tags interesting as they create a natural feel of conversation based in space..
Now in more mechanical things of debate of art worlds and writing schools of thought that you should take with a grain of salt and decide for yourself.
1. () Parenthesis in fictional work can be argued to not be needed and to impede the natural flow of the work. Anything that can be added as an aside or extra thought can be melded into the work naturally itself. It creates dissociation between narrative and audience.
2. A beginning is the most important thing of a work seconded by ends. It is important to grasp the audiences’ attentions, but not annihilate them in the details and special effects.

“The rays seemed so precious at this
time of year, not by virtue of their warmth (for they carried very little), nor so much
for their welcome brightness, but for the way they transformed everything they
touched. Placid and aquamarine the waters of the bay seemed to tempt a swim despite
the frigid temperature, while over the ocean the incandescent clouds hung low,
curtains of ruby and orange haloed in azure by their icy friends above. Even the rocks
around her were changed, their textures magnified, their colours deepened and
saturated. With every crack and vein laid bare it was as if each stone had been
entranced by the sunlight, made aware of its own uniqueness, enabled and encouraged
for this brief spell to tell of its own long history.”

In certain philosophies this is immensely wordy. In building images often short descriptive sentences coupled with small action can achieve a similar or better effect. Breaking larger sentences and thinking of your goal of the image can be helpful. This happens several times through the text and is more remiss of your recent poem.
It comes to considering the purpose of the work, the audience, and what is to be gained through the text.
The audience in reading is concerned with the character (of course we want to see the environment). How much though do we care? “Icy friends above” what? Cracks and veins and long history and brief spells of the stone? What? A paragraph has taken the audience from the introduced character right off the bat. Plot, time, character, interest, is lost in an instant.

These are things to develop thinking about as you write.
Still, your talent shines again and if it wasn’t a fan fiction I would be far more intrigued with where it was going as it was well written.

Hello Helix,

Oh, I've been criticised for those long opening paragraphs before - believe it or not, in previous drafts, they were even longer! I absolutely take your point about the danger of losing the reader's engagement right at the start, but as the 'transformation' theme underpins the whole story I kept the description in.

Your point about parentheses is well made; I actually use them very, very rarely. And I'm glad you liked the internal characterisation. The external characterisation (iconography) is something I can work on. Subsequent chapters do contain more in the way of character descriptions.

Fanfiction is controversial. For sure there is a lot of rubbish, but in the hands of the best writers - not me! - it can be every bit as imaginative and satisfying as high-quality original fiction, easily outshining a lot of the dross that actually gets published. Fanfiction can also be a very supportive learning environment for new writers - without it, I would never have started creative writing at all.

I am striving to improve my writing and to do the best I can. Lots of practice, combined with the considered and honest thoughts of reviewers like you, will get me there. So a heartfelt *thank you* for your detailed comments, they were much appreciated.

I'm afraid I don't have any long words to tell you... except I'm sorry it took me so long to read. After reading Wire's story and then transiting over to here my brain had to adjust a bit but all the same; I enjoyed it very much.

*hugs...

V.

So glad you liked it...now if I can only finish it...

Wire and I do like to compare notes on each others HTTYD stories.