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day 2: changes have already taken place in the story.
new character added and some little tensions and excitements are growing in the characters.
hopefully the story will get better as i fix it, little by little though.
note, if there is something in particular that you like, write it down and i will not change that part. ^.^ or I'll return it back to normal.
day 3: the characters are having more conflict with each other.
day 4: editing hs continued. the story is becoming smoother
new character added and some little tensions and excitements are growing in the characters.
hopefully the story will get better as i fix it, little by little though.
note, if there is something in particular that you like, write it down and i will not change that part. ^.^ or I'll return it back to normal.
day 3: the characters are having more conflict with each other.
day 4: editing hs continued. the story is becoming smoother
Category Story / All
Species Vulpine (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 29 kB
Well, so far the plot is OK aside from dropping us into the action, but you explained that in advance so it OK. ^_^
The wording though needs a little work. For instance the part "has always lived his life there" might read better as "had lived there his entire life." Also maybe use more conjunctions to make the sentences longer. They seem a little choppy. Finally there's a lot of capitalization changes but I assume you just wrote this out quickly to get the ideas down.
In the final, don't shorten Caribbean Fox to CaribFox (I assume that's also just temporary) The CF however is fine everywhere after the characters introduce me as CF, as then the audience knows what CF stands for. ^_^
And that's pretty much it for this part...
The wording though needs a little work. For instance the part "has always lived his life there" might read better as "had lived there his entire life." Also maybe use more conjunctions to make the sentences longer. They seem a little choppy. Finally there's a lot of capitalization changes but I assume you just wrote this out quickly to get the ideas down.
In the final, don't shorten Caribbean Fox to CaribFox (I assume that's also just temporary) The CF however is fine everywhere after the characters introduce me as CF, as then the audience knows what CF stands for. ^_^
And that's pretty much it for this part...
A few things on the update: First of all, Spotted Bunny is anything but shy. (Well, I guess if he likes someone at first he can be a little shy, but for the most part he'll hump anything that moves - or doesn't move! XD )
Also, CF is a little out-of-character. If he was in love with someone he probably wouldn't drop trou quite so quickly, but since I imagine you want to move the story along to the fun parts, I guess that will be ok.
Also SB's name -is- Spotted Bunny. SB is just easier to type out. ^_^
Also, CF is a little out-of-character. If he was in love with someone he probably wouldn't drop trou quite so quickly, but since I imagine you want to move the story along to the fun parts, I guess that will be ok.
Also SB's name -is- Spotted Bunny. SB is just easier to type out. ^_^
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