Alright man there is a lot of improvement here.
Writing takes time and lots of it, not just writing, but planning, rewriting, asking questions, and editing.

You need to ask yourself question as you write? How do things fit in the written world that you are writing, does it makes sense? How does the audience see it? Why do they care?

Description lacks pretty much completely. You need to show through description so the audience can see the world in its head. Sensory and imagery tied to action can make all the difference in the world for a story.

Also use past tense instead of present tense. The human brain is rigged to read past tense as happening.
For example: “Kendo takes a deep breath and tells Emily about the blue flowers and the dark being.”
Instead: Kendo took a deep breath and told Emily about the blue flowers and the dark being.

Do not ever switch between first and third person. Choose one and stick with it. Switching destroys your organization, flow, and derails the audience.

A beginning is an important thing. It serves to grasp the audience’s attentions. You are opening with a questionable dream sequence. Think of how to best show this. Right now your transitions are rhetorically poor. Description will help with this.

These characters lack faces and lack internal guts. Part of this is the immense lack of description. However another part is that Kendo interrupts the narrative with his own details and his families. Do not do this in a giant blow; bring out these traits naturally throughout the text. Do this through his interaction with his world. When you bunch up details like that it derails the audience. Basically you kill the work. We are awoken with Kendo from his dream in action then abruptly taken to a rant.
Think what makes a person a person. What strengths and weakness of personality do they have? How do you show that? Action and tone in dialogue are very important.
Think of what is important for the audience to know about the character. Do not waste their time with information that is not needed.
A mother and father are important characters to build as their relationship to the protagonist is very important to pathos (emotions) and the audience’s relationship to that protagonist.
Their supposed quick deaths and lack of time destroys their potential.
Some things to think about. Black cloaked man managed to knock on someone’s door during daylight without anyone noticing in a neighborhood and paint greek with their blood on the door with no one noticing. The chances are very unlikely. Oh he found him? Then why the fuck does he not stay? Or come back later? Modern cops are well equipped and that’s just the cops. Dumb villain syndrome.
Kendo is a university student, but he lives with his parents and rides a bus? He and Emily seem more like early high school students or middle school students in their mannerisms. This can be important to a depth of world, economy, some character mechanisms such as location and finances. Maybe they start university at a young age here? I’ll tell you what though nobody likes a prodigy character. It is a major M/Gary Sue trait. Applied science without an emphasis is a concerning major and concerning of the university. If Kendo is unsure of himself use that to your advantage. If not have him emphasis in a particular applied science.

Be careful with names. Kendo (way of the sword) and Hetako (Utter BS unless a take from Hotaka grain/tall) Names are important. A Japanese name for the sake of fancy makes little sense. If the family is of Japanese heritage use it to your advantage. If not ditch it, it’s a MGS trait and smears the archetypes in this work to a more terrible level. Writing a story is not writing an anime/manga. Why Greek then?

Again you need to think about how everything has importance or it creates fallacy. Stay away from special effects for the sake of special effects. For example the Greek thing? You need to do something that makes more logical sense?
Ancient languages does not make something special. Tying it to something special is a linguistic fallacy.

This thing right now is a plate of archetypes and little else. Archetypes do not make a story. They only enhance it. The audiences ability to recognize an archetype can backfire and destroy a work based in expectations and performance. If everything is expected already then the work tanks before it can begin. Archetypes are more like spice to a dish then the dish itself. A story exists beyond archetypes.
You need to think out this story? What is supposed to happen? How to make things more real? Use description to flesh things out.
Mysterious birthed Kendo and the dark forces black cloakey (who has destroyed himself already)he is supposed to stop from another realm is a very rehashed story. The prophecy hasn’t even showed up. There is nothing original here.
Antagonists are characters too. In fact their relationship to the audience through the protagonist is a driving force far more completing then the protagonist often at times. Conflict is the soul of a story of which’s resolution of conflict summarizes the end and everything gained from a story. They need to be well developed or else it becomes a putrid tale indeed.
I’m going to send you something I’ve been working on that involves a antagonists introduction and I want to hear your thoughts. I want you to take notes on the details, the description, the emotion, and the rhetorical purpose.

I mean no offence from these observations shaped by my opinion, experience, and frame of reference.
You have some bad habits and need to grasp the larger concepts in story writing. That doesn’t mean you are a bad writer, but need to develop your senses of a story itself.
Keep writing. Don’t kill this. Keep it actually build on it, explore it. Transform it. Ask questions and well write.
Good luck with the rest.

Hey helix, thanks for the feedback, im used to writing small stuff so I thought well why not try something bigger for a change. ill work on small writings for now ^^ but ill work on this in the background :D ty for the feedback :3 n ill send a like your way ^^ Thanks again

I read through these two chapters and I'm interested in what you have to offer, though I did notice that you missed a few periods during your talking bits.

I hope that you post something again sometime, I like short stories like these because this is how I started out writing, and I hope that you continue to write to expand your abilities. ^^

Hehe ill see ^^ im still learning but writing is quite fun for me thanks Tiran ^^