FA+
Shop
2306
Views
Views
24
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 118
File Size 6.6 kB
Report this content
More from J-Raz
Listed in Folders
Viewpoint
An Age-Regression/Babyfur story
by JayWas it real, or was it all a dream?
Part 7 of the longest thing I've written for a good long while. And… WOW. Thank you for sticking around this long. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some more of my actual writing done (Mage Noir and Training Flight, hopefully), but still, this was a good way to stretch my creative and writing muscles after a long time of not doing jack diddly squat.
This was written at the request of an IRL friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. The odd second-person formatting is a side-effect of how it was originally written, IE, as an RP on a Skype chat. I decided to preserve the format since the results were… interesting, to say the least. I will go into more details about the writing process when I post the rough draft after the whole story is up. Hopefully this will inspire me to work on my other writing stuff. Anyway, enjoy!
And thanks again for reading and commenting/critiquing.
Note: please, try and keep creepy comments out of the discussion of this.
Thumbnail by
rainydays<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 118px
File Size 6.6 kB
Listed in Folders
Very, very nice!
This was a very interesting read. Its not often you read anything written from this viewpoint, the second person omniscient. Not sure how well it would work for a longer tale, but for a short story like this, it's a very welcome change! It's odd to hear a character's train of thought being narrated by a second character, and I don't think I could pull off anything like that myself. Heh, I have a hard enough time keeping track of pronouns in the first person ignorant style I write in!
Aside from the unique perspective of the piece, there were several things I really liked about this story. I really liked the slow, gradual regression, and the main character being unaware of it happening, I think that was very nicely handled. The reader knows it's happening, but keeping the primary unaware is always interesting. Builds up good tension for future events.
Secondly, I like the little details you put in, sensations, brief emotional glimpses, things like that. It's subtle, but adds just that little bit of realism that makes you want to invest in the story. And that's what I really liked about it. It was subtle. I never felt like you were beating us over the head with babyfur, while still catering to the audience.
If there's any critique I could offer (and these are simply opinions), I would have to say that I wish there could have been more character development, and that I would have liked to see more conflict. And by conflict, I mean something that drives the characters to act the way they do. It could be internal, external, whatever, but I personally always want to know what's behind a characters actions in a story. I realize that this is a short story, so there's not as much room to really provide these things in this format, but I really wanted to know more about the characters involved, and I think there's a lot of story potential left to explore here.
All told, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
This was a very interesting read. Its not often you read anything written from this viewpoint, the second person omniscient. Not sure how well it would work for a longer tale, but for a short story like this, it's a very welcome change! It's odd to hear a character's train of thought being narrated by a second character, and I don't think I could pull off anything like that myself. Heh, I have a hard enough time keeping track of pronouns in the first person ignorant style I write in!
Aside from the unique perspective of the piece, there were several things I really liked about this story. I really liked the slow, gradual regression, and the main character being unaware of it happening, I think that was very nicely handled. The reader knows it's happening, but keeping the primary unaware is always interesting. Builds up good tension for future events.
Secondly, I like the little details you put in, sensations, brief emotional glimpses, things like that. It's subtle, but adds just that little bit of realism that makes you want to invest in the story. And that's what I really liked about it. It was subtle. I never felt like you were beating us over the head with babyfur, while still catering to the audience.
If there's any critique I could offer (and these are simply opinions), I would have to say that I wish there could have been more character development, and that I would have liked to see more conflict. And by conflict, I mean something that drives the characters to act the way they do. It could be internal, external, whatever, but I personally always want to know what's behind a characters actions in a story. I realize that this is a short story, so there's not as much room to really provide these things in this format, but I really wanted to know more about the characters involved, and I think there's a lot of story potential left to explore here.
All told, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Yay! Critique!
Second person omniscient, huh? I never thought of it in proper literary terms, but then again, the whole thing arose from chance so I didn't really think the whole thing through as I was writing it. It all flowed very naturally, though. I suppose that this could make a novella or something if it had a few more sections of equal length, but an age regression novel probably would never find an audience.
I'll admit that I wanted to have my cake and eat it to, trying to have him be kind of aware of what's happening but not really noticing it. Sort of like how you don't really notice how much you're growing until you come back to a place after several months or a few years have passed.
Technically, it's not even babyfur: I never mention tails or fur either. Again, deliberate, since that lets people fill in the blanks. And also lets non-babyfur TB/ABs read and enjoy it, should they so choose. I wanted this to be a bit more than just your usual "now I'm in diapers and I'm so happy" story, because those annoy the piss out of me. Then again, it did kind of become that, so… yeah. Not a perfect success there. *sweatdrop* Thank you for the complement on those touches, by the way, I'll try and remember those for later works.
No, that is a good point. There's no real explanation for why You or I is like this or does the things they do. We don't know why You is a TB/AB/DL, and we don't know why I is friends with him or where his powers come from, or indeed any of his story at all. I have a few ideas (of course) but I didn't really want to explain how it happened, and I is probably not going to be very forthcoming about where his powers come from or what he actually is. I'd be willing to go into my theories, if you're curious. But shortness is no excuse, so even though less than a day passes over most of the story's length, I'm not gonna give myself a pass on a lack of character development or otherwise. And no, I won't count You enjoying it more and more as it goes along, that's cheating. :p
And you're right, there is some potential here: the time skip is there to let me fit in stuff should I decide to revisit it, and there's some little references in the last chapter that hint at what some of my ideas are. At the same time, I don't know if I actually WANT to revisit it: a sequel would just be rehashing this unless we learned more of I's history or You met another person like I or himself that was occasionally turned into a baby, while an interquel would just kind of fall into the Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Christmas trap of having some dull moral or BS like that that has to not change the original story. I can think of only a few babyfur stories that had sequels that properly expanded on the original material without being more of the same. But, that's for the future.
Thank you very much for the critique, by the way. I'm glad to get more than just "so cute," or "so jealous" or "made me choke up", though of course those are all really nice. Hope you're willing to do the same for some of my later stuff. ;)
Second person omniscient, huh? I never thought of it in proper literary terms, but then again, the whole thing arose from chance so I didn't really think the whole thing through as I was writing it. It all flowed very naturally, though. I suppose that this could make a novella or something if it had a few more sections of equal length, but an age regression novel probably would never find an audience.
I'll admit that I wanted to have my cake and eat it to, trying to have him be kind of aware of what's happening but not really noticing it. Sort of like how you don't really notice how much you're growing until you come back to a place after several months or a few years have passed.
Technically, it's not even babyfur: I never mention tails or fur either. Again, deliberate, since that lets people fill in the blanks. And also lets non-babyfur TB/ABs read and enjoy it, should they so choose. I wanted this to be a bit more than just your usual "now I'm in diapers and I'm so happy" story, because those annoy the piss out of me. Then again, it did kind of become that, so… yeah. Not a perfect success there. *sweatdrop* Thank you for the complement on those touches, by the way, I'll try and remember those for later works.
No, that is a good point. There's no real explanation for why You or I is like this or does the things they do. We don't know why You is a TB/AB/DL, and we don't know why I is friends with him or where his powers come from, or indeed any of his story at all. I have a few ideas (of course) but I didn't really want to explain how it happened, and I is probably not going to be very forthcoming about where his powers come from or what he actually is. I'd be willing to go into my theories, if you're curious. But shortness is no excuse, so even though less than a day passes over most of the story's length, I'm not gonna give myself a pass on a lack of character development or otherwise. And no, I won't count You enjoying it more and more as it goes along, that's cheating. :p
And you're right, there is some potential here: the time skip is there to let me fit in stuff should I decide to revisit it, and there's some little references in the last chapter that hint at what some of my ideas are. At the same time, I don't know if I actually WANT to revisit it: a sequel would just be rehashing this unless we learned more of I's history or You met another person like I or himself that was occasionally turned into a baby, while an interquel would just kind of fall into the Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Christmas trap of having some dull moral or BS like that that has to not change the original story. I can think of only a few babyfur stories that had sequels that properly expanded on the original material without being more of the same. But, that's for the future.
Thank you very much for the critique, by the way. I'm glad to get more than just "so cute," or "so jealous" or "made me choke up", though of course those are all really nice. Hope you're willing to do the same for some of my later stuff. ;)
Well, I critique how I would like to be critiqued. I have no idea if that's an actual term (second person omniscient) but it's what I thought of. lol I thought "I" called "You" pup at some point in there... I could be wrong, maybe reading more into it that I should have. Oh well. lol It's interesting that you're comparing this to the time dilation you experience growing up, but in reverse. It really worked well for this story. And I agree with you about the majority of AR stories being kinda... blah. lol That's part of the reason I started writing myself, if I couldn't really find the kind of stories that interested me, then I might as well write them. :-P you might enjoy my work, actually. Brock is not happy at all to be the way he is, but has absolutely no choice in the matter, so the story is about him learning to cope with his situation.
I totally get the hesitation to re-visit previous works again, though it can be satisfying to re-visit old friends from time to time. It could be interesting to expand on what you've got too.
I'd be more than happy to read more of your work. I'm always on the lookout for good stories. Where would you recommend I start with more of your work?
I totally get the hesitation to re-visit previous works again, though it can be satisfying to re-visit old friends from time to time. It could be interesting to expand on what you've got too.
I'd be more than happy to read more of your work. I'm always on the lookout for good stories. Where would you recommend I start with more of your work?
"I" did use Pup a few times, but A) I felt it was a generic enough term that I was safe doing it, and B) I was running out of non-gender specific terms at those points. And, well… babyfur site. Cub or kit felt wrong.
My major ideas for revisits involve a Mall trip and a day in the park, while my idea for a sequel… I think I would want the two to meet a third one, except to do that we'd have to definitively identify a gender, because it'd be REALLY hard to write a potential love interest without identifying gender… actually, now I kind of want to TRY. XD
Um… I wouldn't quite call my work "good" (in an attempt to control my ego), but a lot of my poems are fun, and I really enjoyed writing Raptured (Raptured Revisited not so much, but you could read that too). There's another unfinished age regression story somewhere in my archive too that'll never be revisited or finished for various reasons, called "Jay's Revenge." I'm hoping to have some stuff like Mage Noir and First Flight up soon, and I've got some other short babyfur story ideas to throw to the kids. :p
My major ideas for revisits involve a Mall trip and a day in the park, while my idea for a sequel… I think I would want the two to meet a third one, except to do that we'd have to definitively identify a gender, because it'd be REALLY hard to write a potential love interest without identifying gender… actually, now I kind of want to TRY. XD
Um… I wouldn't quite call my work "good" (in an attempt to control my ego), but a lot of my poems are fun, and I really enjoyed writing Raptured (Raptured Revisited not so much, but you could read that too). There's another unfinished age regression story somewhere in my archive too that'll never be revisited or finished for various reasons, called "Jay's Revenge." I'm hoping to have some stuff like Mage Noir and First Flight up soon, and I've got some other short babyfur story ideas to throw to the kids. :p
Heh. Gonna have to check a few of those out. lol
And that is an absolutely fascinating sequel idea with the non-identifying gender love interest... That would certainly be a challenge.
Well, I'm not gonna stroke your ego just for the sake of stroking it. If I say something is good, I honestly think it is. And believe me, I don't say that about a lot of stuff.
And that is an absolutely fascinating sequel idea with the non-identifying gender love interest... That would certainly be a challenge.
Well, I'm not gonna stroke your ego just for the sake of stroking it. If I say something is good, I honestly think it is. And believe me, I don't say that about a lot of stuff.
WOW I've read a lot of good diaper/regression comics, and I must say this is easily one of my top fives. The whole second person point of view was very interesting and added a very realistic touch. I loved the ending it just brought tears to my eyes, and like I said in an earlier comment the vagueness although should be annoying. Actually made it very believable and interesting, and I know from experience how tough it is to have a story coming from a second persons point of view. I hope you make more stories like these, because you've got a lot of good talent.
Thanks! I'd love to see what more people think of it, actually, since it seems to be going over so well...
Um, let's see. I've got a completed snippet for Dan for a picture he did, I've got a silly little something planned for Kit Kiama (evil laugh), and then two other non-babyfur (and in fact, non-furry) stories coming up soon (hopefully) called Mage Noir and First Flight. So, hopefully you'll enjoy those, regardless of content. :3
As for my thoughts about continuing this story, I go into more detail in a thing further up the page, but while I have ideas for followups to this setting I think it would cheapen this one. So, I probably won't revisit this story in particular, sorry to say.
Um, let's see. I've got a completed snippet for Dan for a picture he did, I've got a silly little something planned for Kit Kiama (evil laugh), and then two other non-babyfur (and in fact, non-furry) stories coming up soon (hopefully) called Mage Noir and First Flight. So, hopefully you'll enjoy those, regardless of content. :3
As for my thoughts about continuing this story, I go into more detail in a thing further up the page, but while I have ideas for followups to this setting I think it would cheapen this one. So, I probably won't revisit this story in particular, sorry to say.
Wow :) I loved this story it really pulled at my heart strings as at least a little baby time again will be amazing. I have been babied by a friend once but it was only for like a hour and how I yearned for it to last longer but we had to do things. This story was amazing and it really made it feel like I was in the shoes of the main character :)
Comments