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Category All / Baby fur
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Size 900 x 1200px
File Size 749.3 kB
Listed in Folders
The last two pages have been VERY text heavy. It makes the pages look kind of cluttered when half the panel is text. Comic dialogue should be very minimalist. For instance, panel 6 has a lot of unnecessary text. You could have left it at "aren't there rules against asking so soon?" instead of saying the same thing in different words after it. We also know that she's stressed about the bedwetting and stuff, and don't need to keep being told. Simply saying "maybe it will be a good distraction" would be enough for the readers to know what she's talking about.
In panel 2 "I was wanting to say sorry for..." could simply be "sorry about the weekend, I had a really nice time". Basically, you can take out a good half of the text on this page and the story would flow just as well. If you feel that you need the text to get the story across, a comic might not be the best medium. Comics are about telling a story through art, with the dialogue lending a bit of context, not the other way around.
In panel 2 "I was wanting to say sorry for..." could simply be "sorry about the weekend, I had a really nice time". Basically, you can take out a good half of the text on this page and the story would flow just as well. If you feel that you need the text to get the story across, a comic might not be the best medium. Comics are about telling a story through art, with the dialogue lending a bit of context, not the other way around.
Whilst I agree somewhat with what you're saying, Ive looked at the previous page and just wouldn't do that page any differently to how ive done it. This page, perhaps I could have strung this sequence out for a 3rd page just to make it seem less text heavy but again, most of the way the words are I wouldnt have changed. its not just about conveying information, its also about keeping characters In character and I just dont think the way you abbreviated my choice of words would have sounded right coming from Gem.
Sir, I believe you make a good point, but looking at it from the perspective of some one like me, the way I see it is that it's not really a comic. It's a story with pictures. Now I know this seems kind of stupid, but hear me out. With the story in question it's a very emotional one and a good amount of diolauge is needed for the story to progress and for emotional build up. She is telling a story but instead of putting a picture in your head she gives you a picture that might even be better than the one you would have imagined. She is using her creativity in writing and art and putting them on the same page.
Just wanted to share my opinion on the subject.
Just wanted to share my opinion on the subject.
omg gems hair in panel two thats just goroues your really improving last night i watched found with sound with my twin (who i got addicted to it as well) and I was looking at how it improved over tme and now this and even your early stuff is super amazing and inspiring but you just keep getting better and better and at a really fast pace too can't wait to see more (although i admit what I'm most loking foward to is when you start on the exchange( although i never want found to end) cuase the exchange is my very favorite story ever (and yes I mean that counting full on published books which it so should be one)
No exploding okays. If you did that lots would miss you. *giggles*
I am also amazed how much you have improved.
I seen the older pages you put on DA and look at this. Its almost as its a different artist.
You really know how to tell this story well so we want to keep seeing the next page.
Keep up the great work. ^_^
I am also amazed how much you have improved.
I seen the older pages you put on DA and look at this. Its almost as its a different artist.
You really know how to tell this story well so we want to keep seeing the next page.
Keep up the great work. ^_^
Ah yeah, two pages ^_^
Oooh, could it be another date? Let's hope so! I wanna see what Gem's gunna do now! Will she try to find her brothers or will she work out things with Paul? Maybe both are connected somehow... only one way to be sure! Gotta find out what happens next!
Oooh, could it be another date? Let's hope so! I wanna see what Gem's gunna do now! Will she try to find her brothers or will she work out things with Paul? Maybe both are connected somehow... only one way to be sure! Gotta find out what happens next!
wow!!! i started reading this four days ago. had to break after the first n now spent three hours reading through all that's posted.
when you go to re write this. Don't do it its so wonderful just that way it is. this is such a good story line. I hope it don't end for a good while ^::^
when you go to re write this. Don't do it its so wonderful just that way it is. this is such a good story line. I hope it don't end for a good while ^::^
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