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[SCI-FI] A young man finds himself in a dire struggle against forces unknown.
It's taken two months, according to FA, but it's finally done!
For those who don't read my journal, this story was based off of an idea by
kindar, in response to a little 'contest' I held two months ago. I learned a number of things during the time I spent writing this, not the least of which is I really don't work well when I feel I have to write. I think the experience was actually rather positive for me overall, however: I found that I can pull up a story based on a vague idea of someone else's, and I might even consider doing something like this again later. MUCH later. :3
Before I go, I want to give XTREME THANKS to
vjohnson, 
razorblitz and 
poetigress for all their wonderful beta work! I'm totally confident doing stories like this when I have cool friends to back me up in the editing phase! :3
It's taken two months, according to FA, but it's finally done!
For those who don't read my journal, this story was based off of an idea by
kindar, in response to a little 'contest' I held two months ago. I learned a number of things during the time I spent writing this, not the least of which is I really don't work well when I feel I have to write. I think the experience was actually rather positive for me overall, however: I found that I can pull up a story based on a vague idea of someone else's, and I might even consider doing something like this again later. MUCH later. :3 Before I go, I want to give XTREME THANKS to
vjohnson, 
razorblitz and 
poetigress for all their wonderful beta work! I'm totally confident doing stories like this when I have cool friends to back me up in the editing phase! :3
Category Story / All
Species Tiger
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 16.8 kB
Listed in Folders
I was flipping through sound tracks from MAME roms while I was browsing FA, and I started reading the story while the theme from "X-Men: Children of the Atom" was on Spiral's stage--you probably don't know the song, but it turned out to be strangely appropriate for this story when looped over and over. :>
Found it, amazingly.
http://gh.ffshrine.org/song/6391/10
Right at the top, you'd look for "You have selected 10_-_mojo_world_-spiral-.mp3. To begin downloading this file, click here."
http://gh.ffshrine.org/song/6391/10
Right at the top, you'd look for "You have selected 10_-_mojo_world_-spiral-.mp3. To begin downloading this file, click here."
ok, how the hell did I miss you posting this?
Just read it and I have to say I'm pretty impressed by it. I really thought I'd giving you an empty idea, but you really filled it.
I like Derek, he's definitely someone who will go far in life. and I think he dad's in for one hell of an argument when the two of them are alone.
I liked the psychological aspect of the story, we learn a lot about Derek's personality. if I'm ever in a scrap I want him on my side
Just read it and I have to say I'm pretty impressed by it. I really thought I'd giving you an empty idea, but you really filled it.
I like Derek, he's definitely someone who will go far in life. and I think he dad's in for one hell of an argument when the two of them are alone.
I liked the psychological aspect of the story, we learn a lot about Derek's personality. if I'm ever in a scrap I want him on my side
I see on your FA page you're looking for critiques, but I can't really give you one here. This story was incredibly well written. It drew me in and it was very suspenseful. Loved how he was ready to use his claws as a screwdriver and realized they were trimmed.
The only thing I thought twice about,(and this is just my opinion, which means nothing)was when Derek was using the broken piece of ceramic to pry against the clock. Broken ceramic can cut like glass, and I was surprised his paw didn't start bleeding.
Anyway, very well done.
The only thing I thought twice about,(and this is just my opinion, which means nothing)was when Derek was using the broken piece of ceramic to pry against the clock. Broken ceramic can cut like glass, and I was surprised his paw didn't start bleeding.
Anyway, very well done.
This is smoothly written - I like the stages and how Derek managed to conquer each one. My only criticism is that I saw the end coming almost as soon as I started reading, when it's mentioned how much training his father puts him through. So the ending was predictable -- I would have been surprised only if Derek had actually said no at the end.
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