So...

Do you feel the story ended best where I had it before? Or do you feel more fulfilled having read this additional text?

I lack time and thus don't write very often, feedback is very much appreciated...
Comments on my written work is ever so much more appreciated than comments on any of my art pieces since I know reading takes time and thus people naturally tend to skim past submitted text.




Some notes on how this was written:

* No names - this all came to me in a dream and there were no names in the dream. Also, admit it, not all of us are good with names, when introduced to new characters, especially through visual media, we refer to them as "the mother" "the blonde" "the kid" etc until the names stick, and this is a short story, so why even bother with names? I feel that with this story names would just be distracting.

* Overall it is summarized, and at it kind of jumps from scene to scene: remember this was a dream, and a long cohesive dream like this is actually many smaller dreams strung together because dream sequences in the brain are actually quite short... so I was actually going from one related dream to the next, hence the lack of transition.
While I did vastly elaborate on and added to what I dreamt I still somewhat wanted to stay true to the nature of how this story came to me.

* Lack of quoted dialogue - through the dream a lot of what was "said" was conveyed through visual emotion, or what would have been said was just force fed into my brain vs actually spoken. Very little actually came out of a person's mouth and I watched the story unfold as an observer, I felt it was important to keep the story that way. Considering all this I decided to use a lot of unquoted dialogue through the story.