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Story / Baby fur
Species Unicorn
Size 120 x 72
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More from TheConflicted
This was a gift/request story for 
hooligans87
A gdocs link, for the worddoc impaired; https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....QNQWtwoao/edit
You see this fantastic cover art? Here's the link to go and fave that. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11607204/
Not much I can really say about this. It's silly fluff with a happy lesson and some character growth, if one looks for it. Please enjoy yourselves~
hooligans87A gdocs link, for the worddoc impaired; https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....QNQWtwoao/edit
You see this fantastic cover art? Here's the link to go and fave that. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11607204/
Not much I can really say about this. It's silly fluff with a happy lesson and some character growth, if one looks for it. Please enjoy yourselves~
Category Story / Baby fur
Species Unicorn
Size 120 x 72px
File Size 166 kB
You're welcome!
And now for some critique:
Realistic progression and everypony's in character. The set up is creatively done. And the "foals" playing with the "caretakers" was incredibly sweet and hilarious. The letter at the end wouldn't be out of place in the show.
But two complaints:
1.) Bear in mind that not all your readers are multilingual. Translations of foreign words may make it easier for readers to understand.
2.) --- flamboyant navy generals. --- My stickler for military accuracy is coming out but the navy equivalent for "general" is "admiral".
And now for some critique:
Realistic progression and everypony's in character. The set up is creatively done. And the "foals" playing with the "caretakers" was incredibly sweet and hilarious. The letter at the end wouldn't be out of place in the show.
But two complaints:
1.) Bear in mind that not all your readers are multilingual. Translations of foreign words may make it easier for readers to understand.
2.) --- flamboyant navy generals. --- My stickler for military accuracy is coming out but the navy equivalent for "general" is "admiral".
And your critique is appreciated~ But I don't speak french either. This was done on purpose. As one reviewer on FIMfiction put it best;
I actually liked the bits with French also. While I understand some very basic French I couldn't understand what they were saying. It helped to put us in the mindset of the characters. Twi's Nounou could speak mostly English and therefore Twi could communicate with her (the standard package). Rarity on the other hoof couldn't neither understand nor communicate with her caregivers, like a real infant. The bilingual part in the story is there to help us feel as infantile as Rare and Twi.
The french was meant to represent the importance of action and movement being important in a Mother/baby relationship. Babies don't talk, they act out their feelings, and mothers figure it out. To a baby, a mother is as understandable as a French person to an American.
I have no excuse for the Navy Genral, though. >.<
I actually liked the bits with French also. While I understand some very basic French I couldn't understand what they were saying. It helped to put us in the mindset of the characters. Twi's Nounou could speak mostly English and therefore Twi could communicate with her (the standard package). Rarity on the other hoof couldn't neither understand nor communicate with her caregivers, like a real infant. The bilingual part in the story is there to help us feel as infantile as Rare and Twi.
The french was meant to represent the importance of action and movement being important in a Mother/baby relationship. Babies don't talk, they act out their feelings, and mothers figure it out. To a baby, a mother is as understandable as a French person to an American.
I have no excuse for the Navy Genral, though. >.<
I don't normally read stories in FA, particularly fanfiction ones but after seeing Fillyscoots' cover art for it, I decided to give it a go. I'm very glad I did! You are a wonderful writer and this story really captured my attention. I loved all of the unique parts of this story, from the French ponies to the description of Rarity's loss of control. It was wonderful!
Keep up the excellent work :)
Keep up the excellent work :)
A babyfur story by TheConflicted? Starring ponies?! Happy day :D
I've said it before but I'll say it again: I love how you keep everybody in character and at the same time make their adult foal side totally plausible. I used to think Pinkie was the best candidate for this kind of thing, but I have to tell you, Twilight makes just as much sense to me, hell, I can pretty much completelly relate with your portrayal of her in this. If a spa like this existed, I'd go there just for the respite from perfectionism it would grant me.
Only minor critique I have is that she seemed to fall into the role a bit too easily, but in a light-hearted story like this it's not a big issue. And anyway, having both of them resist the treatment would not have been a good option, I think.
The french/prench was a nice touch (barring the trouble to run it through Google translate). The mental image of Biberon and Douche Caresse cooing in french just works.
Thank you for providing immense enjoyment :) I hope to see much, much more from you! *cough*Pinkiedinkypie*cough*
I've said it before but I'll say it again: I love how you keep everybody in character and at the same time make their adult foal side totally plausible. I used to think Pinkie was the best candidate for this kind of thing, but I have to tell you, Twilight makes just as much sense to me, hell, I can pretty much completelly relate with your portrayal of her in this. If a spa like this existed, I'd go there just for the respite from perfectionism it would grant me.
Only minor critique I have is that she seemed to fall into the role a bit too easily, but in a light-hearted story like this it's not a big issue. And anyway, having both of them resist the treatment would not have been a good option, I think.
The french/prench was a nice touch (barring the trouble to run it through Google translate). The mental image of Biberon and Douche Caresse cooing in french just works.
Thank you for providing immense enjoyment :) I hope to see much, much more from you! *cough*Pinkiedinkypie*cough*
Thank you very much for your kind words~ It's all about how you present a character; Anypony can be an AB, you just have to know how to build up to it.
And your critique is valid, and something I struggled with. I had to swallow my pride for the story, though, and I think it works well enough. It's over 16K words, so I can't have it too much loner. : P
You're welcome, my friend~ And please look at some of my other comments, it will explain why I chose the Prench talking specifically.
And your critique is valid, and something I struggled with. I had to swallow my pride for the story, though, and I think it works well enough. It's over 16K words, so I can't have it too much loner. : P
You're welcome, my friend~ And please look at some of my other comments, it will explain why I chose the Prench talking specifically.
Yep, yep! I do believe I remember this one, too. Though I will use time tomorrow to reread as I wait for calls to come in that are overdue. :)
I was desperately searching for something 'happy' and 'cuddly' to help pass my time as I keep being covered in 'red tape'. So taking in some of these tales on FiM will be great.
Did Plinkers ever do any art for your stories? She was transitioning out of MLP as I lost my physical sight but golly-gosh was she good. To this day I wish I could see 'Cyan' as I like the cybernetic deer with the science for padding.
As you may surmise, I have been commissioning her when I can as her images allow me to write stories that soothe my thoughts. Sure I can't see them but I do know she could only have gotten better since 2015. (2016 had retinal detachments, recently learned 'color blindness' when I did have sight, and way too many steroids)
I was desperately searching for something 'happy' and 'cuddly' to help pass my time as I keep being covered in 'red tape'. So taking in some of these tales on FiM will be great.
Did Plinkers ever do any art for your stories? She was transitioning out of MLP as I lost my physical sight but golly-gosh was she good. To this day I wish I could see 'Cyan' as I like the cybernetic deer with the science for padding.
As you may surmise, I have been commissioning her when I can as her images allow me to write stories that soothe my thoughts. Sure I can't see them but I do know she could only have gotten better since 2015. (2016 had retinal detachments, recently learned 'color blindness' when I did have sight, and way too many steroids)
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