Skate or Stand? (Crossover)

Hi, this is Danger Dawg with a bit of a news update. As commissioner of the FSL (Furry Skating League), I am proud to say that my league is becoming as mainstream as the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, UFC, and any other professional sports leagues in the mainstream media that you can think of, because it’s helped the nation to realize that roller derby is a lost treasure of American lifestyles, history, and culture. But what I want to focus on here is that people are also noticing many notable things about roller derby that they won’t see in any other sport on a regular basis:

1. It’s the only sport that has always had both men and women on the same team, although the genders don’t skate against each other.
2. It’s the only sport where both teams play offense and defense at the same time. Thus, it’s the only sport where both teams can score at the same time.
3. It’s the only sport that allows players to skate and be the coach/manager at the same time if they desire. Some do while others act as strictly infield coaches and/or managers.

The third one is what I wish to focus on here, as we now present a list of statuses regarding the teams and their coaches/managers:

• Battlefield Rangers—Larry Peterson (skating)
• Wildcat City Dawg Pound—me, Danger Dawg (infield)
• Wildcat City Patriots—Super C (skating)
• Stations Square Diamonds—Charles “Chuck” Thorndyke (infield)
• Megakat City Enforcers—Commander Ulysses Feral (skating)
• Martian Freedom Fighters—General Carbine Cannonblade (skating)
• San Diego Chain Gang (Alley Cat Chain Gang)—Gerard Davis (skating)
• The Canadian Lynx—“Smokin’ Joe” Stafford (skating)
• The Conquerors—ex-goon of Bendraqi’s, name unknown, nickname “Viper” (infield)
• The New Jersey Wolfpack—Bill Gilliam (skating)
• The London Tigers—Tim Jones (skating)
• The White Lion Pride of Columbia—Lionel Carpenter (skating)

And while the Glaswegian Devils were team (although they don’t count now), their ringleader would have been classified as a skating coach. Thus, within these twelve teams, only three are infield coaches and the rest of them skate. Also, note that London refers to a city in Texas, and not London, England. Columbia is in Missouri, and is home to Mizzou and all things associated with the school and the Tigers.

Why do the majority skate? I think it’s so they can get more mileage out of the opportunity in their skating career. Some of the previous stars of roller derby, i.e., Bill Groll of the NY Chiefs and San Francisco Bay Bombers, and James “Jim” Paul of the NY Eastern Express skated and coached at the same time. In fact, the Midwest Pioneers were the one and only team of the I.R.S.L. (International Roller Skating League) that had an infield coach (Nick Scopas). The FSL coaches who are also skaters are taking advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime option and tell me it’s mainly because it is the only sport where such a thing is possible.

Carbine was chosen over General Stoker to be the coach/manager, making her the first (and so far only) female to hold that position in the FSL. “Part of it is the age of which we are and will be forever due to immortalization from CNG,” she wrote in a note to me, “but let’s be honest, Stoker’s as vigorous, active, and vibrant now as he was years and years ago. He’s got enough on his plate as it is, still retaining his role in the battle between good and evil, and in the MFF as a rock band, playing rock drums. So it was decided that I’d take on the role.”

Super C surprised me when I learned he’d skate; I figured he’d be an infield coach. “No, I’m going to skate,” he said to me when I asked him about it. “I think that as a skating coach I can set a good example for the others to follow much easier than as an infield coach. Of course, I’d never argue with the referees, let alone Crush, because he’s my recruit in the G-52 organization as you are. I guess this way, though, we can experience both sides of the bench, as the boss and the one being bossed.”

“You have a point there,” I said. “You’re my boss in the organization but I’m your boss in the FSL. I guess Crush can claim the same thing.”

“I guess so.”

“You looking forward to the triple header in San Antonio next month? It will have your team, my team, and the Rangers. All three flagship teams.”

“I am. I think that’s going to be sensational. I hope Chuong and all his friends will be there for it, considering they all love Texas and they all agree with you that roller derby is a lost treasure of the nation and probably the most underrated sport.”

“I’m just glad it was always in existence. It’s a fact Leo Seltzer used to sell real estate and at one point thought his sport was going in the trash and he’d have to only do that the rest of his life, but fortunately, it didn’t happen that way.”

“Good thing, too.”

“Good luck against my team tonight. You’ll need it.”

“Thanks, you too.” We smiled and prepared ourselves for that night’s matchup between our respective teams.

THE END

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