Well, this doesn’t have your strength of characterization. It also is very dialogue heavy in which essential description reflexive of the speaker is lost.
It is a beginning however and there is room for growth if you haven’t touched this in the years since you started.
A beginning is also an important thing in its purpose to attract the audience and direct flow. Another angle for the first person speaker may make it stronger.
Still, you should continue if you haven’t, the story does have potential and you have talent as a writer.