I would like to say I'm happy you didn't give up on writing. Yes I do remember that journal you posted. You are getting better over all and much better about adding actions in your work so it's not so much Talking heads. This is a good thing.

At places it was a little confusing who was saying what or doing what, but it was much more readable than when you first started.

Now you may take this wrong but School House Rock did a number of shows on writing and what needs to be where. Along with punctuation marks and how to use them. You should be able to find them on YouTube.

Yes I do go and watch them from time to time, it sure beats trying to figure out what they mean from a book!