The Kiss

It was a nice clear day outside and time for a walk to get out of the house. I unglued myself from my blank computer screen and headed outside. I lived in a small and quaint town full of people I barely interact with. The only other humans I sometimes converse with are the shop keepers, but even then it was mainly business and small talk. I am a very shy person by nature and it’s not like the people had anything remotely interesting to talk about.

I exited the town via the north and entered the huge field where I was instantly greeted by a Butterfree fluttering right in my face. The seemingly friendly flying bug accidently knocked off my glasses. As I swatted the Pokemon away and picked up my glasses, which thankfully landed on the soft grass, I heard a female voice giggle.

“Sorry about that!” I heard her say, followed up by another cheerful chortle. “My Butterfree likes meeting new people.”

A girl with tan skin, long black hair and wearing a green t-shirt and brown shorts walked up to me. The Butterfree, unfazed by my puny assault on it, fluttered over to land on her head. She was smiling at me, making me nervous. I am not good at talking to people, whether there be male or female. I get lost for words, thus making a fool of myself.

“Um...uh, it’s alright...” I eventually respond in a quiet, but just about audible voice.

“My name is Laura!” the trainer introduced, offering her hand to shake. “Who are you?”

Naturally, I didn’t take the hand. However, not wanting to be entirely rude, I mustered up a reply. “I am Andrew. I am sorry but I can’t talk right now. I have an important place to be,” I lied, walking past her, trying to avoid any eye contact.

“Alright then,” I heard her happily call out to me. “You take care now, Andrew!”

I felt like an idiot like I always do whenever I am speechless in front of a new person wanting to start a conversation. If she had an online chatting program like Skype I would have been more comfortable. Sometimes I think that it’s a waste of time trying to learn basic human real life conversation. With a sigh I dropped my self-hate thought train and walked through a patch of tall grass.

Just then, the sound of a Pokemon cry penetrated my ear drums. “Wobbuffet!” I heard it say in a disturbing feminine tone.

Turning around promptly I saw the most frightening sight I’ve had seen in awhile. It was indeed the Psychic Pokemon, Wobbuffet. However, it had a feature I’ve never seen, nor ever heard about. The Wobbuffet had huge red lipstick on, signalling it was a female in perhaps the most stereotypical way imaginable. For awhile, the two of us remained silent, staring at one another.

I was too nervous to move, afraid that it may attack if I made even the slightest movement. I saw no other Pokemon in the area, which was surprising considering these routes were usually filled with them and trainers. Since I was not a trainer, I had no means of defending myself in case this freak of nature decided to attack.

All of a sudden, it happened; the Wobbuffet leaped at me. It was fast, two fast for me to dodge in time. The Pokemon landed just in front of me and delivered a huge kiss to my lips. It was a horrible and practically indescribable taste, almost enough to make me throw chunks.

“Hmmmmff!” I cried out, my loud voice muffled heavily by the unwanted smooch.

To my relief, the female pulled away and hopped off. The instant it left, I frantically looked around, searching for a lake or any sort of water to wash the nasty flavour the freakish Wobbuffet left in my mouth. Unfortunately for me, there were no signs of anything of the sort.

Feeling scared, I came to the decision that it would be wise to head home. The only plus side of having no one around is that no one would make fun of me for having a Wobbuffet make out with me. Before I took a single step, my stomach began to ache real badly. It was obvious that I was about to puke. Strangely the disgusting fluids didn’t emerge, but the stomach pains persisted. It was when I tried to move on foot when I came to a scary realization. I was frozen completely, unable to move any of my body parts. Terrible scenarios whizzed through my mind. The Wobbuffet might have used a new paralyzing move or even worse, a poisonous one. The latter would explain the feeling of sickness. I wanted to cry out for help but my mouth refused to open.

Even though I had no control over my own body, I could still feel it. I felt my toes wiggle in an uncontrollable way and bulge. I could sense my toes and feet growing, feeling them push forcefully against my shoes. It lasted for a couple more seconds before stopping. I don’t know whether my feet stopped growing or if they destroyed my shoes. That was the least of my worries for the next thing that happened was a shooting pain in my backside.

I heard a ripping sound, probably my clothes. The tearing noise continued on with the added sound of my trouser buttons popping off. The next thing I felt was my torso going through pain; it was like some force was moulding my chest as if it was clay. While this was happening, the sound of my clothes ripping returned.

This pain ended after a half-a-minute and was promptly followed by the fingers on both hands being squashed together vehemently. The fact that it wasn’t as excruciating as the last occurrence did not help matters. Just like with my feet, I could feel my hands expand. I am not a religious person. However, I was praying that this experience would end and it was just all some sort of twisted and messed up nightmare.

To my dismay, it wasn’t over yet. My head blew up, inflating like a balloon. I could no longer feel my neck. With a familiar snapping sound, my vision blurred as my glasses suddenly dropped from my face. It may have been only a second, but I noticed the handles were broken as they fell past my line of sight. I then saw ginger hair fall down in front of my eyes. I didn’t have to be a genius to conclude that it was my hair.

All of a sudden, the ability to move was given to me once again. Unfortunately my very first movement I made was falling flat on my face. It was unintentional. My feet weren’t acting like they usually were. I tried to sit up, but for some reason, all I could do was wobble like a fish out of water and flail my arms, unable to sit upright.

Seeing how I was able to move my body, maybe the capability to talk also returned. The second I tried to cry out for help, I heard the voice of a Wobbuffet. It sounded like it belonged to a deep voiced male, so it wasn’t the female one, thankfully. It was the only sound I heard; I didn’t even hear my own voice. As I shouted for help again, the unknown male Wobbuffet talked once more and my own voice failed to come out of my mouth.

Getting an idea, I pressed my hands against the ground and, with as much might as I could muster, pushed myself up. I was successful and I was standing upright in a matter of seconds, the top half of my body rocking back and forth while my feet remained perfectly still. I felt like one of those inflatable punching toys parents buy for their kids.

When I came to a stop, I tried to walk forward. However I immediately had to prevent myself from falling back down, using my arms to help me balance. It was at that exact moment that I noticed I no longer had fingers, or human arms for that matter. They were blue and flat, resembling those of a Wobbuffet.

A horrifying realization dawned on me; I had been transformed into a Wobbuffet. The male Wobbuffet voice I heard was not that of another one; it was mine! I had always admired and loved Pokemon more so than any humans, but I never wanted to become one, especially the same species that kissed me. I noticed that I was also naked, my destroyed clothes spread out by my feet along with my broken glasses and hair.

“Wobbuffet! Wobbuffet!” I cried out in dismay, forgetting that my new voice wouldn’t be understood by any human. Not in the way I wanted them too, anyway.

Countess of thoughts plagued my worried mind. How would I live as a Wobbuffet in a town full of humans? Would I be able to keep my house? Would I find a way to become normal again? If I find a way to write down what happened, would any human believe me? All of these fears and questions were making me go crazy. Saying that I was getting stressed would be the understatement of the century.

With much effort and a hint of cautiousness, I started to get the hang of moving without falling. I took it as slowly as I could; shifting myself onto the dirty path that lead back to my town. I made my way towards it, maintaining my sluggish pace, not yet fully used to my new body.

Eventually my hometown came into view. Despite not wearing my glasses, my vision was as good as ever. Maybe there was an upside to this transformation, albeit a small one. I saw two humans near the entrance and started to feel nervous. What if they tried to shoo me away or, even worse, attempt to catch me? Just because I am a Pokemon, doesn’t mean I want to be caught. Wait, I meant I am not really a Pokemon, just a human turned into one against my will.

One of the humans looked over at me and I grew even more uneasy. I have a strong dislike for humans. I mean I am very shy around other people and I find it hard to bring out the right words even in normal situations. I don’t see why I even need to talk to humans in the first place. Pokemon like myself are meant to be separate from humankind unless they are trainer’s Pokemon.

I am not really a Pokemon. Why am I starting to think like I am? I need help and my natural shyness will not stop me this time. I must get away from these humans...uh, help from my fellow man! I got closer and closer to the human civilization, my speed slowing down. Why am I still heading in their direction? What can I possible want with humans like them? Humans and their town mean nothing to a Pokemon like me. Pokemon are meant for the wild, not human populated areas. I remember needing help for something...I can’t remember exactly what that was, but I am sure it had nothing to do with any human.

I turned around swiftly. There was no chance I would ever enter a place where humans dominated. It wasn’t a place for a wild Pokemon like me. I moved quickly down the path. I may not be as agile as a majority of Pokemon, but Wobbuffet like myself are far from being Slowpokes. Luckily those humans would ignore me and go back to whatever they were doing.

In the grass, I spotted a pile of ripped clothes. Perhaps a human wasn’t happy with what he was wearing and got rid of them. I don’t care, I am hungry. I wonder if there was a berry bush somewhere around here. I find it odd that I don’t already know. After all, I have lived out here for ages. Maybe another greedy Pokemon had already picked all the bushes clean.

“Butterfree, Spun Spore!” A female voice shouted in a commanding tone.

I know that voice! I swear I’ve heard it someplace before. It was La...La... a human girl. Before I had the opportunity to make myself scarce, I was struck by yellow powder being produced by a Butterfree flapping over my head. I could no longer move! I was a victim of the bug’s Stun Spore!

“That should do it! Go, Quick Ball!” the female human shouted, this time sounding excited.

I felt a ball hit the back of my head and I was sucked into it, turning into a blue beam of light. As much as I tried to break free, I couldn’t. The task would have been far simpler if t was for not this paralysis. It was all over for me. There was no escaping this mysterious, yet comfortable void. I gave up and heard a ping sound echo.

“Alright, I caught a new Pokemon!” the human female cheered. I could hear her as clear as day. “It’s time to finally move onto the next town, Butterfree. Let’s go!”

END

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I said I would write a story like this. I wrote it late at night so please forgive me if you find any typos in there.

Why do I even care? I am a Wobbuffet.