So I have this storyline, right? And it has a lot of characters. A lot of characters that I lovingly rendered in crayon one evening.

Instead of giving some giant, in-depth analysis of my plotline, concept, and all that jazz on what is clearly borderline retarded, I now introduce you to the cast of Adonis by single-sentence descriptions. Left to Right.

Hanns: Nazi choreographer in extreme denial of his homosexuality.

Adonis: Parody popstar in extreme denial of everything and everyone not having to do with himself.

Dmitri: Clinically depressed super genius hellbent on suicide.

Tawnya: Surly paparazzi hellbent on ruining Adonis' career.

Mishka: Internet porn star hellbent on dating Adonis.

Miriam: Deviously sinister PR manager with a love for money bordering on fetishism.

Edgar: Sketchy stalker and costume designer / art director.

Ted: Adonis' back-up dancer who's absolute and utter failure.

Paco: Adonis' back-up dancer who's absolute and utter awesome.

Jolly Jack: Disgruntled homeless children's singer with an affinity for teaching morbid and disturbing life lessons through song.

Robbie Robert von Robertson: The INTENSE owner of the record label Adonis' albums are released under who always yells.

Bella and Monty Beasley: Adonis' parents who believe Adonis is both an idol and a blight on humanity, respectively.