"The only thing that corrupts my mind worse than my madness, are my fears." - Anonymous.

This is something from my mind that has hit paper.
Because I needed to vent it.
Because I'm crying.
I'm scared.
I'm truly scared.
I cry as I write this.
Because there are two fears that take hold over me that I'm trying to uproot for this next year.
Fear of Rejection.
Fear of Loneliness.
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This is something that has been pointed out to me over and over again, and that I've been told over and over again, along with being told that "I'm too old to be doing the same thing over and over again."
"You need to stop being so lazy, selfish, and downright irresponsible and trifiling. You've been doing this for so long, I don't have to keep telling you the same damn things over and over again."
I know, I've been selfish. But I'm doing my best to stop being so selfish.

Because this is what I imagine when this very illustration comes to mind:

"Who's hand is that?" I ask myself.
"Who's else is it? It's not like there's somebody else here that you could mistake it for."
"Oh yeah. It's mine... I forgot."
"Is your memory so bad that you even forget who you are now?"
"N-no, it's not that. It's just..."
"Just that you pushed everyone away to get here. Now everything that you scammed everybody out of has gotten you this. 'The whole world. But nobody to share it with.'"
And as I say those words to myself.
I begin to cry, remembering everybody that I tossed aside.

This fear comes from my selfishness being such a prominent second thought in my mind, that it just takes over. And from there, the fear of rejection just furthers it along.

It's these fears that scare me from reading a simple reply.

Which is why I'm trying to uproot these fears.

And have a brighter mental image come to mind.
...
Thank you for reading this if you did.