To be honest, it'll be painful. Just be clear you know how pain works. True fear is waking up in the middle of the night with a mysterious pain and realizing you don't know any doctors withing a hundred miles of your bed, the knowledge that if someone picks your pocket and you lose your passport or ID, you're basically dead to the world; the horrible and unjustifiable depression that comes with culture shock, when everything from the glare of the streetlights to the conversational distance to the second-person plural address just feels wrong and you can't tell anybody about it.

So be prepared, life will be painful, but that's because you'll be alive.
(please don't burn bridges, you will guaranteed need in a few years to visit and go to your childhood library and eat mom's apple pie, just for your mental health, most people don't even get that)
I wish you sincere luck.
(Incidentally, what kind of places you have in mind?)

I'm not into bridge-burning, I just need to move out and have a really big adventure before I have kids or a spouse or a job that could tie me down. Truth be told I'm terrified, but there's so many things I could see and do. I have an English Education degree, so if I get a job in my field stateside I will probably never leave it, as the field is competitive and I know myself. That's why I have to go now if I'm going to go. My mother will flip her shit, but she's not going to disown me, it's more about her being worried about me being out on my own. I had considered moving a couple of hours away and THAT had freaked her out, I don't know what she'd do if I I know it's going to be really hard, but I need it to be hard. I need to be miserable and have it be difficult and I need to work really hard, because then I'll know I can do anything. I have a lot of social anxiety and fear of failure, but I also have a lot of raw determination in my corner. I don't want my fear of living keep me from doing something amazing.

Does that make sense? Iv'e been trying to decide whether what I'm thinking of doing is totally crazy, or if it's so crazy it might work. I just don't know. I wonder if it would be better to just move somewhere in the US or if I really do just have to break free of my life here in order to live for myself and do what I want.

I take it from your reply that you've done something similar, how did you feel about it? Was it a positive experience?

P.S. Thank you for the comment on my previous comic as well. I wasn't sure how to respond, to be honest I was a little intimidated, ha ha.

I realized I didn't actually answer your question. I was thinking of teaching English in Korea or Japan, probably Korea. Korea's EPIK program offers free housing (that would be with other English teachers most likely in the same building) decent pay and 50% medical coverage. They reimburse you for your ticket, give you a bonus for ending your contract and in general have a pretty good setup if you have good qualifications and don't go to a cram school. (Which wouldn't happen if you apply early and have good credentials, which I do since the program also accepts anyone with a bachelor's in anything.) Japan's program is much more rigid, does not provide housing, and expects you to pay for your own airfair there and back, which isn't all that feasible for me. I don't need any extra debt. (Plus I missed the deadline for this year so what are you gonna do?) My other choice would be to move to Raleigh, NC. I have a friend (my best friend) lives there, she's pretty well-established, and she could help me with mos of the basic stuff. She's a couple of years older than I am and is therefore a couple years more into "life" than I am.

Having gone to school in Korean neighborhoods (not that this taught me much) I can assure you the Korean thing is a pretty good option. You just have to be really aware of the culture - it's one of the most masculine cultures in the world, and you have to be able to ride that. I don't mean it's androcentric, I mean they have a premium on capability, reliance, classiness, chauvinism, barbecue and wood houses, etc.
My cousin's teaching culture studies and dance in China in a program pretty similar to this, and she's having the time of her life. (She's also near your age.) I'd recommend that!
And the key part of that was 'other english teachers most likely in the same building.' Meaning, you have friends without cultural or language barriers, with whom you can wade through the culture shock together. You have no idea how powerful that'll be a month down the line, my cousin assures me.

Why not spend a year or two there, then contact your friend... to be honest, having a mother in the school system ~ The south is not known for supporting Teacher's unions or treating them well at all... be very aware of that.
(Sorry, I spent about two hours drafting that last comment and didn't see this.)

Ah, so this ain't a quarter-life crisis.
And I'll support you in this, then. As someone with the same social anxiety and fear of failure, this is just inspiring.
What are you thinking of doing? I do recommend, when you do break free, it might as well be to the US or Canada so you don't have those horrible culture shocks.

Well, have the spiel.
I was raised between Chicago and Grand Rapids. My parents are from Grand Rapids and Detroit and I was brought up near Holland, just born and schooled in Chicago, so I think of myself as a Michigander, but to be honest, I'm most comfortable in Chicago. I don't think of it as "home," even though that's where my family and aunt's family live, but I can ride the pulse of Chicago, I know the way the city breathes.
After High School I went to New Orleans with friends. It was positive, but rather dull. I didn't have anything horribly hard to do, no misery, no elation, none of the dizzying highs, panicked lows, or creamy middles. My job was bland and I just had this sensation that I didn't want to do any of this (it was construction, and my body felt worn and haggard while my mind felt undercharged and stifled, and I was slowly going nuts - fuck, there was Toto on the radio at the site, I need more than that to stay sane).
The climate started to drag on me (I am a low humidity, cold-weather person), the social climate just made me feel horrible, the "Big Easy" is really just the sole pocket of tolerance within two hundred miles, and religion is a very uncomfortable topic for me and the last place I should have been was the South - it wasn't especially vitriolic in Orleans compared to the rest of the South, but you must understand, Katrina is still part of the fabric of the city and everybody came out of it with this almost desperate gospel spray of Jesus-has-delivered-me-from-the-flood mentality, and that sort of religion just makes me feel horrible about myself, and weak and impotent and gut-wrenching and small and a helpless microbe and a waste of space and a little blubbering mess and undeserving (you have no idea how terrifying it is to be surrounded by people fueled through horrible times by literally infinite love, and not being able to access it, it's like being a neglected child, only on the deepest spiritual level known to man).
It was just a period of horrible depression for me, and even cajun food and Delta Blues didn't help. Plus, there are very few resources down there for mental help, social clubs, etc. because everyone who lives there gets more than enough of that with Aunt Mae next door, and their primary source of happiness and respect and esteem are the families they're surrounded by. And the air pollution and everything... (you know that during Katrina, they dynamited floodbreaks so the flood surge would destroy the lower Ninth Ward and spare the rich districts, and the hotel owners forbade the city from sounding the evacuation until the day before it hit, so the end of tourist season wasn't compromised?) I had moments of fun, with Cafe au Lait and Beignets and jazz when I could afford to splurge, but for the most part I was just bland and miserable and I really felt like it wasn't worth it (looking back on it, it was mostly depression). It's a horribly tragic environment, and people get through it with parties, family and Jesus, three things which I had no access to at the time, and I was simultaneously going through a horrible funk. I left in August.

I'm a freshman in college in Chicago right now, studying animation and working on illustrations and sample films (it's good that I took some time, because the college fund collected interest and some stocks went in my favor). I plan to get a job this summer, but some summer (say, my junior year) I have a plan to hitchhike / backpack someplace, and paint my travels, or to take a greyhound someplace for the summer, and take small jobs and paint and return after that. I don't really want to make a splash with my life as much as I want my work to get stronger and more honest, and doing anything for the purpose of making you a 'better person' is kind of a bullshit thing to do.
Don't let me scare you off. Try to use it to improve your skills or something, though, don't just act like you'll gain sudden enlightenment.

Was the comment on Transfur? I don't remember what it was, sorry ^^" It is a great sequence, and the robot thing is much easier to notice in color.

Ah, yeah, no worries, I really appreciate the insight. I haven't had many people to talk to about this that had anything other to say other than to stunned disbelief or dissuasion. I'm finally getting to a point where I'm comfortable enough talking to and interacting with people that I feel less like I'm going to get murdered if I'm by myself alone at night. Part of this has to do with anxiety and part of it has to do with being female. Unfortunately most cultures consider it my fault if something happens when I'm out by myself at night even though at some points if you are to live your life it's a necessity. This has crippled me a little bit in terms of just doing stuff I'd like to do. I don't even mean being in obviously unsafe areas, I just mean going to the freaking grocery store or something. I mean, I still feel scared to do a lot of really basic stuff by myself so I worry about what I would do in a situation where I would have to be alone.

But that's the rub of it, and that's why I really think I need to get far away from my family. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with asking your family for help, but underneath I want to be independent and have always wanted to be so even since I was a child, and when I say I don't want a safety net, I just mean that I want to feel like I can emotionally handle being a separate entity from my family. We're pretty tight-knit and I'm incredibly lucky to have a family that wants me around, but if I stay here I won't feel fulfilled. I'll always wonder what-if. I don't really want to move away forever even, I just want to move away long enough to know that's not what I want and that the trade-off isn't worth it. I kind of expect it to be a half-and-half experience. I don't think I'll gain enlightenment (and it's interesting you would say that, because someone else commented in a similar way) I just want to confirm or deny how I feel. I just want to know that I myself can survive without my family or a boyfriend or something to hold my hand. I'm not saying that I don't think those relationships are important, I just want the boost in self-confidence. Because right now, the most difficult thing in the world I could do would be to move out, pay my own bills, and not come home to my family every night. Someone like you who has traveled so much, that's amazing to me. I've traveled a fair amount along the lower East Coast, but other than a school trip to New York I've never really been anywhere just shockingly different. (Unless big cities count, but obviously city culture and town culture are going to be different)

I also found your comment about New Orleans interesting, I'm actually really surprised by that. They never struck me as a religious group. Myself, I would be used to that sort of atmosphere, but I'm a Tennessean and a Baptist (if you can imagine that) so it threw me off guard. From my perspective you sound like a bit of a traveler and I always think of people who travel is being more adaptive to different social situations, but in that case I would have had a better chance dealing with the atmosphere. I'm still digesting it, actually. I imagine that really was terribly lonely. I can't picture how that would feel when everyone else has that kind of strong faith-thing going on and you aren't part of it. I've always thought of that as being a positive thing, but as an outsider I'd say it made it even harder to get involved with people. That sucks, especially dealing with depression away from home like that. I don't know what the culture is up North on that business but we pretend it doesn't exist down here. I was lucky to have access to a school counselor when I got depressed a couple of years ago otherwise I shudder to think where I would have wound up. I guess it goes to show that you're a pretty resilient person and you've probably coped with some crazy shit too and came out the other side. Backpacking sounds like such an adventure! If I were brave I would love to see what I could see that way. I agree, that it's best to see everything you can.

I don't know where I'm going with this anymore and I really need to get to bed before I regret it in the morning. I feel like I'm basically saying somethign something grow as a person at this point so I'm just going to stop, ha ha.

The comment was a pretty long stretch of advice about blocking for that sequence when I had just put out an wip version. I really appreciated it, but wasn't really sure how to respond. I don't get a lot of actual advice when I post and tailored advice about panels is especially helpful since at best I get "wow this was difficult to read" with no explanation of why. Well, I know why, it's because my comic style is based on cramming as much information onto one page as is humanly possible, but specific help is much more useful. I do most of my comics for myself but when I get paid to do them (which is what, twice now? Holy crap, I'm still sort of shocked anybody would pay me to draw for them) I set the bar really high and probably give people more than they pay for. Which is actually part of why I chose not to do art for a living. I know that chances are poor I'll ever get paid enough for the time put in (I'm so terribly slow).

I said I would stop. I'm going to stop holy crap. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. It's already midnight.

I may be a major feminist, but at this distance all I can do is give you a few rape crisis center contacts and teach you how to hold your keys. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that... Perhaps study some self-defense poses, or try meditation to let go of the fear? It's all different.

There's nothing wrong with having to leave the nest. You need to formulate an identity outside your family, and it'll help you immensely to do so. And it'll help you immensely, once you come home and your family's not there, to try taking care of yourself. And even if you fuck up, it was you that the failure belonged to. It's like you're finally building universe karma for yourself, and it feels really really good once you can blame something on yourself.
We're in the Peter Pan generation and no one will look twice at you for striking out late.

You might as well try someplace shockingly different... Not even Canada, but just someplace from the north. (Assuming you don't freeze. I don't know what the south does to your body, all I know is my friend from Panama wears two sensible layers up here, and my friends from Nashville wear four layers and three scarves at once. XD) Someplace whose culture is completely alien? Who knows? Portland's good to start, and cheap compared to most cities. Boston would serve you well, perhaps? You can take a bus someplace for a week or two, make a contact online and crash at their place, that sort of thing, build up a tolerance to culture shock. You have any far-flung relatives you can stop by?
You need a place within a short distance of you, with a completely alien set of culture and values to you... this kinda sucks, because Tennessee's surrounded by states that think sort of alike. But it's exhilarating to travel. I've been out of the continent twice, both as a kid - a trip to see family friends who had moved to Dusseldorf and Brussels, and in a reparations mission trip to Belfast. (Hell, if you want to see how religion can cause discomfort, you haven't seen Belfast yet, have you?)

I'm actually a Presbyterian Deacon, if you can believe that, but I'm almost completely areligious. It just has no bearing on my thought process whatsoever ^^" (Please don't try to convert me or anything). And religion is pretty funny, when you think about it. Either humans create dieties, or diet[ies] created humans. Either one of those, the contrast is really funny when you stop to think about it.
But you must understand, to become a better person, how exclusionary religion really feels. I can't find the study right now, but there's a study where they put Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Atheists into a room and had them take a self-esteem test. Then they did it again, but with a small Christmas tree inside. And the Christians didn't gain self-confidence, they took it for granted, but everyone else taking the test scored worse in self-esteem. The very presence of a small Christmas tree was enough to remind them they were a minority group and feel unloved. I have a grandmother who believes in the "War on Christmas," and I don't have the heart to call her on it.
New Orleans isn't religious in the big megachurch/no homo style that was all too prevalent in the rest of the south that I saw. It's more of a pervasive and subtle

Imagine if you were, say, a different religion in your hometown, and then stop and think about all the things you would notice that reinforced the hegemony and exclusion of your group... it gnaws at your self-esteem. You start thinking "Maybe if I act really good and go to mass again, then Jesus will take pity on me and let me believe."
Well, it'll be hard for you to imagine the scope of this without going someplace where Christianity doesn't get you any favors (.... Iran?)... Korea sounds more up your alley, it's the second-most christian area in Asia. Missionaries, no? (The first is the Philippines. 80% Catholic.) For comparison, if I was an avowed atheist, I couldn't hold public office in the state of Tennessee, and would be subject to at least weekly harassment and coworkers trying to convert me and all that shit.
But to imagine it, just imagine cutting all the religious faith and hope out of your life, then try to imagine the secular equivalent, join with the dust of the world and stop worrying, you can improve the world, achieve inner peace and all that (I know this is hard to imagine, but try.) You've acheived perfect harmony with the world and equilibrium, you're content with what little you need and you get a very calm feeling, and it's enjoyable and simple and fragile and spiritual and, like Madama Butterfly, small in size, humble, quiet, but as pregnant as the night sky and deep as the ocean. The world doesn't all belong to you, and you're content with that, and your mind is supple and strong and your soul is gentle to the touch. You there? Good.
Then look at your friends, who are all together in a giant gathering singing hymns, who seem ridiculously happy and self-assured and superior in a very appealing way, whose self-confidence you envy, who say they've determined the absolute truth of all the universe and found a person who can give them infinite and undiscriminating love, literally I can't stress this enough, Infinite love, who they say gives them an endless source of comfort and eternal hope and saves them whenever they escape a disaster and has all the answers to all the world's questions and blesses and offers help to every surgery and wound they need. You'd be gasping for air by the end of the spiel, but you'd still feel really intrigued by this.
Now imagine however hard you try, you can't understand how to believe in it, and you can't imagine it. But you'd still desperately want to achieve this infinite love everyone talks about and says is so easy, and which everyone you're surrounded by is in the club. Religious things are like slaps in the face to me, in that it's just taunting me that you can feel the infinite love and I, for some unknown reason, can't see it.
(That's the thing that annoys me is Christians who talk like God is patently obvious to all of humankind, and I'm just being a petty dickbag. No, I honestly don't see him and I don't need to to live a healthy and peaceful life.)
And depression? People are more open about it, and there's resources, but there's still the same amount of misunderstanding. Why can't the world just read http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.c.....-part-two.html ? Seriously, everyone in the world should read that. We get it wrong too, but thank god for your school counselor. I attempted suicide a few times in middle school from the bullying and such, but that was a catholic school and I had no such resources to curb the depression...


Mmmm... I don't know what to recommend other than speed exercises. I'm in the middle of a comics sequence right now, and I'm having the worst of pains with the character's poses. They're perfect individually, but it's impossible to get them to flow on the page...
Comics are a very good medium to begin with, as they require little equipment and they require you to learn how to tell stories with clear visual storytelling. It's a horribly hard medium to master, though, because the grammar of comics panels is so loose that sometimes you can't even rely on the reading order. Any advice givable is good, no?

And relax. It's 3 AM as I'm typing this. You're fine.

Okay, so don't take this as a conversion attempt, but I feel like I'm going to have to respond since my perspective on this seems to be a little different than what you're thinking. I think it's crazy that people say it's easy to believe. I struggled with the idea for years because it doesn't make logical sense. I was lost, I felt like my entire community (because when I was small my church was my community) was in on the best thing ever and I couldn't get it. For me, it was a disbelief that anybody could care that much about me because I, as a person, am not that great. I've screwed up as much as anybody else, why bother with me? But I think "faith" whatever way you come to it or don't, is a very personal thing and you have to do what is right for you. I've met a lot of people I don't see eye to eye with but I don't know who is right or wrong, I just know what's right for me. If I didn't believe it with all my heart what would be the point? (That's another conversation though, and not one that I really care to have) But I guess what I'm saying is, is that although I was raised in a Christian household I didn't just blindly stumble into it and do it because that's what everybody else is doing. I've given it a lot of thought, and I still do. Which I don't think you were saying I hadn't, I just get the feeling that you're trying to say very politely that I don't have a good grasp on how religion can make you feel excluded or part of a group. I'm well aware that in my community, especially among the older generation I'm in a privileged position,not even so much because of my faith, but because I "look" the part.

But I'm also aware how my faith has excluded me at times as well. I'm not saying I'm oppressed at all (Lord no, quite the opposite!) but among people my own age, there is a tendency to hold me at arm's length or exclude me because they fear I will judge them. I don't mention my religion at all unless it comes up in conversation or someone asks precisely for this reason. It's strange. Among the older generations I do fine, because I am what they expect me to be (at least partially, I think that's part of why I deal in transformation, is that I feel like I'm living some kind of double life) ad I know how to play that role. With my own age group, people get antsy. I straight up don't get invited to stuff, not because I am unliked but because heaven forbid I know that you drink alcohol. People assume I'm a prude and exclude me from conversations they think I won't approve of. I know that's not the same thing as large-scale dismissal, and I'm not trying to trivialize your experience, but I am aware of how my religion affects how people treat me. And I would lay money that it is because of experiences like your's that people do this to me. When a vast majority of people you run into of a certain group act really crappy, you start to think that they are all crappy, I get that. I'm not complaining, I understand why this happens, because nine times out of ten, if you put a similar-backgrounded person as me in that situation you might as well give up for all the righteous vitriol that comes out.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I guess I'm trying to say that I'm not as clueless as you take me for. I think it'd be pretty difficult for me to get into a situation that made me feel ashamed of my religious affiliation, probably partly because I've grown up with it for so long, and I believe in such a way that I sort of feel like God will take care of it. (Which isn't really fair, you're right, but I feel like I've been through quite a bit so far, and I'll keep going on.) I also have a tendency to hold onto things that I consider my "roots" as a source of strength when I get scared. I think it's entirely possible for me to feel alienated though, and despair is something I expect to feel no matter what distance away I get. But I believe in pushing until you get stronger and for me that means becoming a little more brave a little at a time.

Please don't think I'm trying to rub your face in it or anything, that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do, I'm just trying to say how I feel about the subject since I sit on the opposite side of the fence.

Alright, I dont' know that I'm finished, but I have a cosplay that needs to be worked on so I'm going to cut myself off before I stare at this for another hour.

Came here to mention this as relevant http://www.reddit.com/r/confession/....._as_an/cfbazj2 and didn't know you had replied Sorry sorry sorry and I'ma make an effort to reply back.

Everybody struggles with their faith, and it's really heartening to know that you're cognizant of it, you know what happened, you can discuss it ^^ That's a luxury a lot of people don't even have... Faith is a horrifying concept, when you think about it. Either humanity created a god, or a god created humanity, and the gigantic scale between those two options is almost psychotically funny. The very concept of religion doesn't seem to make sense. In a world with finite power and small people and mosquitoes and seven-layer dip, there also exists something infinite and absolutely beyond comprehension and capable of infinite human emotions in a way that suspiciously mirror those who are aware of it.
So no, nobody expects making that decision as a child to be easy for you in any way. If anything, I'd say it's a very mixed blessing having a community supporting you, part of that is because of that feeling that you'd 'owe' them for showing you the light, partly guilt, partly nudging in a certain direction...

_{There are a million reasons why people can go into TF art, but that's a very interesting one! Like, split down the middle...t'd be a really fun comic subject to explore, too... I think my body dysmorphia might have influenced me into it. Another factor might have been the fact that I was an A+ student, everyone expected me to be perfect as a baseline, I still haven't mastered the art of letting go when I fuck something up... having an artistic subject that nobody could say was done unrealistically was a huge boost to my self-esteem, for once I could be wrong and no one would care.}
The whole "judgemental christian" thing is a stereotype that really needs to stop having examples... Mister Rogers? He was an ordained minister who made the least explicit show ever for the friendship of little kids, but he was still never judgemental about non-christians and secular entertainments; he gave George Romero his first film job and attended "Dawn of the Dead's" premeire to show his support. I always love knowing that. He was one of the
But if your friends are excluding you from the cool stuff, my first question would be if you invited them over for beer once or something? IDK, presentation is an underrated art, you have to make them realize you don't care. ^^

As for the whole 'negative experiences' thing, you kinda know how weird it looked from the outside... I think the thing that scares off a lot of people I know from religion is the way it messes with your ability to debate. You know how, like, impossible it is to make headway in legislature because... well, when you're coming at people with arguments for health benefits of abortion and economic behavior and vast sociopolitical differences that result as an effect of long-term population change and fundamental right for control of a reproductive system, and the other side believes you are mired in sin and that nothing short of unconditional surrender will be acceptable... how the hell can you reason with an argument that paints itself as superior to debate?
That's part of why religion is a touchy subject, because there's no way to debate it, and if it does you wrong, you have no recourse.
_{As a feminist, I'm also very aware of the same thing ... we're trying to fight for equality, and the whole MRA / Patriarchy fashion wants a heirarchy (with them at the top, of course). "Feminism is trying to make girls think they're equal, by amplifying low value female traits, like being fat, whiny, slutty, entitled, etc. until they can't tell the alphas from the betas from the gammas from the omegas." I swear to god, someone actually wrote that, and I actually read it, and I just sat there shriveling, realizing "We're fighting two completely different wars here."}
It's not two sides wanting the same thing, politics and religion? The reason Franklin says not to discuss it is because they both insist on the truth of one cause, the superiority of it over others, and the fact that it demands to be implemented.

Oh, hon... (depressed and feeble hug) I never thought you were clueless. I'm crying as I write this... there's nothing to be ashamed of for believing what you believe, your experiences are valid and I have faith in your future. Whenever you need to get something off your chest, or if you don't, I'm here to talk and always will be, because I've been in that culture shock pit and the alienation pit and no matter how your experiences were or will be, absolutely no one - no one - deserves to go through it alone. <3
Hope the cosplay went well! Utmost respect for you for doing it.
_{After I made that comment, I just went and rewatched Mister Rogers' Neighborhood episodes for about two hours, and I'm just completely sobbing right now. The most honest person I've ever hear to exist... there's only so many people who can reduce you to rubble in an age of postmodern cynicism, but Mister Rogers has the unique ability to crash waves of emotion and honesty through your soul. "You always make each day a special day. You know how: By just your being yourself. There's only one person in the (whole) world that's like you, and that's you. And people can like you exactly the way you are. I'll be back next time. Bye-bye!" I've had massive depressive bouts this week and been despondent about my future after a lost job, and now I have a neighbor again.
Some people have Jesus, but I guess for everyone who doesn't there's Mister Rogers.}

Hey, just saw this comment. I have to say, I'm with you on Mr. Rogers. I used to watch him every day when I was a kid. It may be because I hadn't seen him in a while but the first time I saw this video I cried. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzX.....c4-overview-vl Our's is such cynical world, and so many possible role models aren't so unfailingly nice. I really believe in the power of spreading kindness into the world even if you don't see its effects. If you want the world to be a good place you have to make it good by being nice to people.

I did misunderstand you, and I'm sorry that it happened that way. I'm not really mad or anything, so don't worry.

I don't actually drink, but it's not because I think drinking is awful or anything like that (I don't really get that, I mean, one of the Bible's biggest miracles was the whole turning water to wine thing. Jesus drank, what's the big deal?) it's more to do with a family history of alcoholism and a lack of people I trust to make sure I wouldn't get into hijinks. It's just frustrating. Then I had the opposite reaction with a guy friend who invited me to every party he had for a while because he really wanted to see me drunk. He said he thought it would be hilarious but I honestly suspect that he wanted to "get me on his level" for reasons which would be too numerous to list here. He assumed it was a piety thing when it was really an "I need to be in control of myself and my surroundings" thing. He was an asshole. I'd known him since highschool. That was his entire shtick though, assuming things and making his own conclusions without talking to you about it. I don't know where I'm going with this.

I'm still working on moving. I sent out the applications and whatnot. I need to start emailing specific schools and talking to them. I'm terrified, but if it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. I have to get hired this year or I think I'll just fall apart. The job hunt is a terrible place to be, I'm sorry to hear you've found yourself there. Clearly, you're very smart though, and I'd bet that you're just as eloquent in person as you are online, which makes things easier.

I don't know that I've responded to everything you've said, but my eyelids are drooping so it's time to roll out.

The post below this, I accidentally didn't write in a reply, but you should know that when I wrote the imitation of the el track, I had not only capitals to mimic the robot lilt, but spaces in between the words to mimic the pauses in the robot voice. "*dang dung* Doors __ Closing. ___ Adams and Wabash __ is next. Doors Open on the Right ____ at Adams and Wabash."

He just was the perfect human being and did such wonderful things to people's self-esteem...

Oh, no worries! Misunderstanding's part of communication. Means you were at least listening and thinking about it, right?

Dnngggh, I know your pain completely. I inherited a family gambling problem. The other problem is my metabolism... I'm like 92 degrees fahrenheit, my metabolism's really slow and things move through my system at a snail's pace. So whenever I drink, it's on a scale of hard to impossible for my body to metabolize the alcohol, so my hangovers can swallow entire days. Not pleasant. My hearing is sensitive as it is, but collapsed in bed with a headache bed playing iphone games until sundown, I'm listening to the El station seven blocks north of here announce "*dang dung* Doors Closing. Adams and Wabash is next. Doors Open on the Right at Adams and Wabash." And all the cars and general noise in between, until at least sunset. So I avoid booze anyway.
There's just something about people that makes us want to bring other people down to our level so we feel better about ourselves... I remember every time I did poorly on a test or something in school, all the kids would breathe this ridiculous sigh of relief. Doing wonders for my self esteem there, guys. There are always assholes projecting their thoughts onto you, aren't there? There should be a study about that. (Good for you to not get drunk with him, though, the way you describe it *claps*)

I'm with you, I've been delaying filling out a job form for a month >.< I'm always afraid, because all my work experience has been either volunteer or family-member related, there's no one I can ask them to call.
Good luck with the applications... and no, I'm not as eloquent in person, actually ridiculously clumsy. The reason I like to talk online is I can compose my thoughts before I say them, like a letter... you know what I mean?