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"A new story and fantasy..."
"This is the overture of a new world..."
I've been very nervous and apprehensive about uploading this. But I figure it'd be nice to do so anyway to get feedback and thoughts.
For almost a year now I've been working on a project for a brand new original world/universe to call my own. A vast world where magic once existed, its inhabitants now struggle to survive in a world where magic no longer empowers and guides them, abandoned by the gods and spirits that once protected them from the elements.
Inspired by many of my interests such as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, and the anthro fandom community, I began to build this world and its stories from the ground up. However, only a rough map of the world, a rough outline of the history of the world and its main characters, and a rough outline of the first story, are the only current work to exist, so the project is still very much in its infancy.
This current upload is "Myth of the Pearl - Overture - 1," the first in a series of short stories I've decided to write to get a feel of the direction I want this world to go, and what I might be looking for so the names, locations and lore may not be final, and the written work isn't and shouldn't be treated as canon.
As I've mentioned before this project is still in its infancy, and it'll be a long time before (and if) I decide to reveal and/or upload more, but you can sort of expect more short stories such as this one, at least 4 more, that establishes the general feel for the world I'm hoping to achieve.
Your thoughts and feedbacks would be greatly appreciated.
"This is the overture of a new world..."
I've been very nervous and apprehensive about uploading this. But I figure it'd be nice to do so anyway to get feedback and thoughts.
For almost a year now I've been working on a project for a brand new original world/universe to call my own. A vast world where magic once existed, its inhabitants now struggle to survive in a world where magic no longer empowers and guides them, abandoned by the gods and spirits that once protected them from the elements.
Inspired by many of my interests such as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, and the anthro fandom community, I began to build this world and its stories from the ground up. However, only a rough map of the world, a rough outline of the history of the world and its main characters, and a rough outline of the first story, are the only current work to exist, so the project is still very much in its infancy.
This current upload is "Myth of the Pearl - Overture - 1," the first in a series of short stories I've decided to write to get a feel of the direction I want this world to go, and what I might be looking for so the names, locations and lore may not be final, and the written work isn't and shouldn't be treated as canon.
As I've mentioned before this project is still in its infancy, and it'll be a long time before (and if) I decide to reveal and/or upload more, but you can sort of expect more short stories such as this one, at least 4 more, that establishes the general feel for the world I'm hoping to achieve.
Your thoughts and feedbacks would be greatly appreciated.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Panda
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 31.1 kB
Listed in Folders
So far this has a very strong Avatar: The Last Airbender vibe, but it is very promising. Although the characters themselves are barely described so I couldn't get a good visual of how they look when they are speaking, but I hope to see more of this when you decide to reveal more of this new world. :)
Thanks for your feedback and interest.
This more or less started as a drabble for myself to get a feel of the world and its characters, and to decide in which direction to take the story and the lore and it wasn't until recently that I chose to share it with the world, so I didn't put as much effort on the character descriptions and details as I should have.
I do hope to have more soon to share. As I said there are probably 4 more of these I can write and release as I continue to develop this project.
This more or less started as a drabble for myself to get a feel of the world and its characters, and to decide in which direction to take the story and the lore and it wasn't until recently that I chose to share it with the world, so I didn't put as much effort on the character descriptions and details as I should have.
I do hope to have more soon to share. As I said there are probably 4 more of these I can write and release as I continue to develop this project.
The world here from what can be seen is intriguing and has potential especially in the case of the relationship between students and masters.
As a developing style this is stable, but there is always room for improvement. You’re Enviroment and Character description is lacking. This will aid in showing the story and the world. Think of images and all the small things that build the whole. Think of the relationship between audience and text as you write the story.
Character description is very very important when using anthropomorphic characters. It is very easy to write everything off as Panda men. We must instead realize that this is a world filled with panda people and they carry individuality.
For example people do more than just say things they think, they express emotion, they do actions, nod, and walk around, and have habits.
Fights are also very powerful things. Characters thoughts are important here. So are there feelings. Adrenaline pumps through hearts, bones break, spittle flies. Think how actions connect and how every action has a reaction. This allows an audience to feel and see weight in things while reading.
The work starts by explaining the world as a summary this is excellent. The story itself should show and carry itself. Let the audience explore the world and know for themselves.
Keep writing and exploring. You have a fine start and nerve wracking cliff hanger demanding internal dialogue.
Best of luck.
As a developing style this is stable, but there is always room for improvement. You’re Enviroment and Character description is lacking. This will aid in showing the story and the world. Think of images and all the small things that build the whole. Think of the relationship between audience and text as you write the story.
Character description is very very important when using anthropomorphic characters. It is very easy to write everything off as Panda men. We must instead realize that this is a world filled with panda people and they carry individuality.
For example people do more than just say things they think, they express emotion, they do actions, nod, and walk around, and have habits.
Fights are also very powerful things. Characters thoughts are important here. So are there feelings. Adrenaline pumps through hearts, bones break, spittle flies. Think how actions connect and how every action has a reaction. This allows an audience to feel and see weight in things while reading.
The work starts by explaining the world as a summary this is excellent. The story itself should show and carry itself. Let the audience explore the world and know for themselves.
Keep writing and exploring. You have a fine start and nerve wracking cliff hanger demanding internal dialogue.
Best of luck.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it. This work is mostly a short story to get a feel on the direction I wanted the story to take, originally with no intention of sharing it outside of a few friends, so I didn't put as much effort as I could have with the details.
I do intend on taking your feedback and suggestions to heart for when I decide to move forward with the story and the world as a whole. Thank you.
I do intend on taking your feedback and suggestions to heart for when I decide to move forward with the story and the world as a whole. Thank you.
Hey! You finally uploaded it!
Well, I of course can not be the most objective to this, but I'll do my best :D. Reading it again, I still enjoy the setup and how it gives you a bit of a feel for the Pando culture. My favorite aspect is showing the different fighting styles est. It works as a great teaser to this world, leaving the reader wondering, just what else is there and how much more is made up into this world.
Well, I of course can not be the most objective to this, but I'll do my best :D. Reading it again, I still enjoy the setup and how it gives you a bit of a feel for the Pando culture. My favorite aspect is showing the different fighting styles est. It works as a great teaser to this world, leaving the reader wondering, just what else is there and how much more is made up into this world.
(oops put the comment on the wrong submission XD)
I just wanted to say I finally got around to reading this, and I really like it so far. It's hard to envision some of the characters and their features, but I assume it'd get better later on because this is just starting out, and like you said with you not really sharing it with anyone much XD I'll keep watch for your future submissions.
I just wanted to say I finally got around to reading this, and I really like it so far. It's hard to envision some of the characters and their features, but I assume it'd get better later on because this is just starting out, and like you said with you not really sharing it with anyone much XD I'll keep watch for your future submissions.
This written work was more of a preview/prologue sort of deal, so details such as character descriptions weren't included. Plus, yeah, originally it wasn't mean to be published outside of a very few select people. But thanks for the feedback! Whenever I get back to this I hope it'll do well and many would enjoy it. :)
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