What happens when a human awakens to discover themselves in a magical land populated entirely by talking ponies?
Might as well ask what happens when they discover they've become one of them O_o
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Based in spirit on the video game series Pokemon Mystery Dungeon (as ifn ye couldn' tell).
Yes, ifn ye want the Capn' to continue the tale the Mane Six an their newly discovered friend will go on some dungeon explorations!
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Ol'Squeaks has been busy so he wrote this at the end of the day to cheer hisself a bit. Also some folks have been askin' ifn all he writes be bawdy tales.
Well, here's one that's jus fun an he hopes ye enjoy it :)

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My Little Pony: Mystery Dungeon
Guardians of Harmony
Prt 1: Fear and Loathing in Equestria

It took awhile to shake the woozy out of his muddled brains: a few more and vigorous shakes then he was used. Of slight curiosity for a moment or two before everything drifted into emphasis was how heavy his head felt. Not heavy as in hazy. Heavy as in weighty and more difficult to shift on his neck.
However when the furnishings of his new surrounds became known all notions of mass calculation was forgotten quickly. The furnishings were…wrong.
How exactly wrong he couldn’t place. He was relatively sure he never normally hung bright purple silk curtains from the window of his room.
Then again for the life of him he couldn’t remember ANYTHING about his room.
Or if he’d ever had a room.
Or anything about himself.
At all.
Something grunted and he instinctively rolled off the section of floor he’d somehow manifested himself on, trying to regain his legs. Again this task was confusingly difficult. Fitting his legs under him seemed like there was an extra step involved and when he had managed to tuck his knees he didn’t seem to have the strength to push up and rise.
Then he did exactly the same thing again, with another set of legs!
Finally he had the balance to stand.
Until he immediately panicked and all FOUR of his legs went skating out from under him, bringing his central body down hard on the paneling.
The jar was such to cause the…thing, sleeping in a nearby basket to rouse itself and look around.
He screamed in terror when his eyes met the creature’s own.
Seconds later the creature echoed his scream.
“Spike, what the HAY?”
Another something was scrambling around at the other end of the room. It certainly looked like an ordinary bed but the…THING lying across it, rubbing its strange stubby limbs in its eyes, a long hairy tail slithering from under the sheets.
What WAS it?
The monster looked blearily at him, but before he could say a word a strange long growth on it’s head suddenly blazed with dazzling light!
It was as if gravity ceased to exist around him. His feet, all four, left the floor and he began to hover rapidly towards the roof. Naturally the sense of helplessness, the crazed situation, the approaching celling all triggered his panic response.
“AAAAaaaaaHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
He couldn’t feel his fingers! He couldn’t feel his toes either so he just flailed what he had now apparently: broad, featureless struts ending in bony caps.
Detained he could only continue to whimper and flounder as the monster from the bed took to its own four feet (hooves?) and walked towards him, the growth in the middle of its forehead still shimmering so brightly it hurt to look at.
“What do you want with me!”
He was thankful at least he was still capable of English after whatever dire transformation had occurred.
The monster was clearly sizing him up while he lingered in the air. He hoped against hope it wasn’t angry, or hungry, enough to do him harm.
“What do I want with YOU? You broke into my house!”
That was odd. The creature spoke perfect English as well. Also the voice sounded surprisingly young compared with whatever horrible guttural growling he had originally imagined might come from the alien beast.
“Look, I’m not going to hurt you. If you’re some pony who broke into to take something all I really have are books.”
“Oh…you have books here too?” he smiled sheepishly. “That’s a relief at least!”
The monster raised an eyebrow.
“Spike…there hasn’t been any reports of breakouts from the Ponyville Hospital?”
“Not that I know of.”
He narrowed his eyes to see through the mysterious screen of…some kind of power ringing his body. It was smaller then the monster although also a similar disquieting shade of purple. Where the monster appeared furry across it’s form, the creature was clearly scaled with a fringe of green scales running along its scalp.
How could there be books and windows and curtains and a floor and bed like any self respecting real place might have, but still the only inhabitants be these malformed abominations?
He must be dreaming. That was it.
He’d never really thought of himself as having an imagination vivid enough to fabricate something like THIS though. It was a full sensory experience. He could feel the early morning chill of the room. He could see everything in that room clearly.
He could smell...
“Um…I hope you don’t mind my asking…” he began awkwardly. “But I have to know.”
The monster before him simply nodded its assent.
“Okay…” he took a deep breath. “Are you wearing…perfume?”
The monster broke into a slight smile. He could even make out a completely unexpected blush on its cheek.
“Funny you should ask!” the monster actually GIGGLED. “My friends didn’t even notice. It’s a new fragrance imported all the way from Prance.”
“Well it’s…nice.”
“Thank you.” The monster said, prideful.
“Twilight…” Spike growled. “He’s still probably a burglar or something.”
“Oh, right.” She resumed a stern expression. “ First things first. Tell me who you are.”
“I don’t know.” He admitted, truthfully.
“I’m warning you, my magic allows me to tell if you’re lying or not. Lets try this again. How did you get into my library?”
Despite hanging in the air and with unfamiliar appendages he attempted a shrug.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know that either.”
“Is he on the level?” the little creature asked.
“Yes.” The monster looked extremely confused. “He’s not lying.”
“How’s that possible?”
“When you figure out, tell me okay?”
“One last question. Do you mean us any harm.”
“No.”
She lowered her head and the glimmering growth downward in a bow and simultaneously whatever force was holding him up fell as well until his feet touched down. He was actually starting to get a little used to standing upright on four legs.
Something niggled him from behind. He felt he might want to scratch but the gesture would have been extremely rude. Especially in the presence of a…lady?
Just thinking about the area of the problem however was enough to activate something wholly unexpected. He felt something brush-like swat the irritation, then pause, and swat again. It felt very relieving, but when the full meaning of this dawned his heartbeat a mile a minute and he jerked his head to look backwards in horror.
“I have a TAIL???”
Not only that but the tail was connected to him by a long stretch of back he was CERTAIN hadn’t been his until recently!
The new bones, the strange muscles. The thick brown hair.
It was all wrong!
His beg legs folded in on themselves and he fell into a kneeling position, raising his fore-hooves in desperation upwards.
“WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ME!”
“You want my opinion?” the little creature asked. “I’d say he’s had a mug too much of the Apple Family’s ‘special’ cider.”
“That might be Spike, but he might be in danger or maybe even enchanted.” The monster scratched her chin with a fore-hoof. “I may have to run some tests.”
The mention of ‘tests’ shattered his tantrum and he became very alert, pushing off with his front legs and scooting towards a far wall.
“Get away from me! I don’t want any tests! I just want to go home!”
“Oh? Where’s your home?” the monster asked, surprisingly sweetly.
“I…”
He wracked his brains. It was like plunging his hands (hooves?) into thick goop and searching for something that might not even have been below the surface at all. Everything was upside down, but he couldn’t even remember when it hadn’t been this way.
He knew one thing for certain though.
“I’m not supposed to be here.”
He held up his front leg and stared at it’s enormity in silent shock. The monster looked thoughtful.
“Do you…know that you’re a colt?”
“A what?”
The answer made both the creature and the monster balk.
“You don’t even know what you are?” The little creature gasped in amaze.
“Of course I do.” He frowned irritably. “I’m a human. What the heck are you?”
“A…hoo-man?”
“Don’t act dumb!” he snapped. “You and you…you’re just some kind of crazy dream!”
“Great, now he’s hallucinating.” The creature whispered into the ear of the monster.
“Um…”
The monster’s eyes moved rapidly around the room. He could see she was scanning rows and rows of hardbound books sitting snugly and well kempt on wooden shelves.
“I’m not sure I have anything to cover this. Are you sure you were…always a…whatever you said?”
“Positive.” He grumbled, folding his fore-hooves.
“Well, you’re not one now.” The creature said.
“Spike, take a letter.” The monster requested.
Ah, the creature was named ‘Spike’.
This ‘Spike’ proceeded to trot over to a collection of papers nestled into a cranny of a bookshelf and pulled a sheet out of it, along with a bright red quill pen.
Then he grinned and applied the pen tip to his long pink tongue.
“Got it.”
“Okay…”
The monster began to pace as she dictated and Spike began to take down her words. How he could only guess since the little creature didn’t use any ink he could see, but words were appearing on the page.
“Dear Princess Celestia. A strange colt appeared in my bedroom last night…”
Spike coughed into his fist.
“Yes?”
“Oh nothing.” Spike said, delicately. “Only, the wording might be a little…”
“Huh?” The monster’s eyes widened. “OH. I see. Um…strike that. Start over”
The creature crumbled the paper and tossed it aside, selecting a new one from the stack and dabbing his tongue as before.
“Dear Princess Celestia.”
“There’s a princess here?”
She gave him an irritated glower.
“Yes. Yes there is. She’s a very great alicorn of phenomenal power and kindness.”
“Excuse me…kindness?”
“Yes. You have a problem with the word?”
“No.” he chuckled. “Just I don’t usually hear leaders, especially royalty, usually associated with it often.”
She smiled with genuine warmth before returning to her letter.
“I have encountered a stranger who seems to have no memory of who they are and claims to not be a pony at all but instead to be a…a…”
She tapped the ground sharply in annoyance.
“Starswirl’s Beard! What was that word you said?”
“Which one when?”
“That thing.” She spun her fore hoof. “That thing you are. Hoomad.”
“Human.”
“How do you spell that?” Spike asked.
He told him and eventually the letter was completed. With all of the honorifics and the subservient tone of the letter the last thing he expected was for the monster to include the following signature.
“Your faithful student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
When he’d finished with a flourish Spike lifted up the letter, took a deep breath and…
A sheet of vibrant green FIRE leapt from his mouth and devoured the letter into not even ashes remained!
The monster seemed pleased with the action.
“Why did he go and do that?”
“Pardon?” the creature Spike patted his stomach. “Oh, you mean the fire thing.”
“Yeah. Why’d you burn up the letter? Seems like maybe this Princess could help!”
The monster, or Princess Twilight Sparkle as she’d referred to herself as, laughed at this good naturedly but the mockery just made him annoyed.
“Seriously, you go and burn up a perfectly good letter he takes so long to write…”
“Well, it’s not really all burned up.” Spike smiled with a kind of satisfaction. “That’s the way we send it to Celestia. As long as a dragon burns letters written on her magic message scrolls then it goes directly to…”
“Excuse me. Did you say…dragon?”
Spike stopped speaking.
“Yeaaahh…” he furrowed his brow. “Why?”
“Does that mean that you’re a dragon?”
“Yeah.”
He couldn’t help but laugh quietly at this notion.
“Hey.” Spike snapped. “I might be a baby, but I’m still very much a dragon thanks!”
“You’re kind of a bit on the…for a dragon I mean?”
He held his fore hooves slightly apart horizontally, encompassing Spike’s tiny stature between them.
Spike just sniffed, a little puff of smoke issuing from his snout.
“He’ll grow up one day…I’m pretty sure.” Twilight said, looking a little doubtful at her own words. “Spike in one of my best friends and very helpful to me, even if he is still a baby.”
“But…” he couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “Dragons don’t exist!”
“That’s awfully hurtful to say.” Twilight scowled.
“Where have you been, pal?” Spike shook his head pityingly. “There’s scads of us up in the hills, even though they’re not the best examples of my kind.”
“So I’m in a place where there’s dragons and princesses.”
“Uh huh.” The two said in unison.
“But…” he jabbed at his chest with his fore hoof. “What the heck does that make ME?”
“Besides crazy?”
Twilight aimed her glowing growth at Spike and a zipper materialized, running the length of his mouth before pulling itself closed. He looked more frustrated then injured by this miracle.
“Come on, Spike. He’s not crazy he’s just…”
She reached out a hoof and he felt her tap his forehead, brush his fur.
“Confused.” she decided on at last.
Under her breath he heard her murmur, “Of course, he’s not the only one.”

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As they left the library, the baby dragon remaining behind to shelve books and sweep the floor (both activities he seemed to relish immensely) Twilight moved her muzzle to just a few inches from his ear, now slender and long and located on the top of his head instead of the sides.
“If we see anypony let me do the talking okay? No offense but I want to figure out what’s going on before we attract any attention. I’m pretty sure Princess Celestia will know what to…”
“Hey Twilight!”
The voice came from on high. His neck raised his heavy head quickly to catch the source of the voice but by the time he’d locked onto where it had come from all he saw was a blur of kaleidoscopic colors.
“Whose the colt? He looks new!”
His head snapped to the new source and there, literally FLYING in the air a few feet above them was a creature not unlike his companion Sparkle, only this one was blue with a pair of periodically flapping feathered wings! Strikingly her hair (mane?) fell in strands each hued the many tint of the rainbow.
“Hi Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said, waving in friendly fashion to the newcomer. “This is…uh…”
She pointed at him. Then she pointed again, a little more urgently.
He could only stare blankly and look increasingly worried.
“What…is…your…name?” Twilight muttered through gritted teeth.
“I know what’s going on here!” the one called Rainbow Dash said, smirking.
Twilight blanched.
“You…you do?”
“Of course!”
The rainbow colored winged creature did a graceful aerial backflip with astonishing ease, beaming proudly when she once again was facing them.
“He’s just shy because he’s realize who I am!”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.
“There’s no doubt you’re feeling a little intimidated by me, and that’s perfectly understandable.” She chuckled. “But what you’ve got to know is even as good as I am I’m still super friendly!”
“Um…thanks?”
He was getting a crick in his neck from staring upwards.
“Yup, I may have won practically every flight competition in Ponyville and Canterlot, I might be considered a role-model for every young and aspiring Pegasus and I might be on the fast-track to becoming a new member of the Equestria-famous Wonderbolts…”
She paused to gasp in euphoric glee.
“…but I’m still just your average, if incredibly cool, pony despite all that! Put-er-there!”
She swooped down and extended her fore hoof. Without thinking he reached out and touched the solid cartilage at the bottom of her limb with his own.
Apparently that was the required gesture since she flashed him a smile and resumed her post far above the two of them, effortlessly staying aloft.
“So where did you come from? Are you from Manehatten? Fillydelphia? The Crystal Empire? I’m guessing not that last one since you don’t look nearly glitzy enough.”
“No…he’s my…cousin.” Twilight sputtered. Lying apparently took a lot out of her. “On my…mother’s side. Twice…three times removed.”
“Really?” Dash seemed completely sold. “That’s cool! What’s his name?”
“Um…”
She maneuvered behind him. He felt himself feeling increasingly uncomfortable because from her vantage she must either be look at his back, or his backside. Either way it was an odd thing to contemplate. Looking back over himself at last out of curiosity he saw she was instead intent on his side, towards the rear of his body.
“Um…” she squinted. “He’s called…Wayfinder.”
“Wayfinder?” the rainbow one tittered at that. “Kind of weird, but I like it!”
“We’re on our way to see Princess Celestia.”
“On hoof?” Rainbow looked skeptical. “You do know you can fly now, right?”
“I do, but do you think I can just carry Wayfinder on my back or something?”
“Huh, good point. He’s just an Earth Pony.”
For some reason Twilight fixed the Pegasus with a rather smoldering glare.
“Um…” Rainbow knocked her front hooves together nervously. “But then again I’ve know a lot of really nice Earth Ponies in my time! Have you tried teleporting though?”
Twilight suddenly appeared extremely shamefaced.
“That ‘poof’ thing you do.” Rainbow giggled. “You didn’t forget about it because of the wings did you?”
“Er…”
As bizarre and hideous as she was Wayfinder (the name seemed to have taken up residence in his mind for now) had to admit to himself: she sure had a certain charm when she blushed.
Or maybe he’d been stuck in this dream a little too long.
“Well, you two have fun. I’ve gotta go meet Scootaloo. Told her I’d help her with some wing exercises. See ya!”
She didn’t just fly away, she BLASTED away, rushing upwards so fast her body seemed to elongate into a smear of blue detonating clouds as it passed through them. At the apex of her rise straight skyward there was a dizzying blast of color: a ring of prismatic energy that rippled throughout the whole of the heavens. Shortly after the shock struck the ground still with enough force to shake the grass and toss Twilight’s mane, the sound like a cannon shot echoing in their ears.
“And THAT would be the Sonic Rainboom.” Twilight sighed. “She always has to show off…”
“Why’d you call me Wayfinder?”
“Hmm? Oh. Your cutie-mark.” Twilight said, simply. “A dotted path and an ‘X’ at one end. I figured it was a good name to use until we figure out your real one, well, good enough.”
“My cutie-mark?”
“Oh. You don’t know about that.” She took a deep breath. “I think there’ll be another time for explanations if it comes to that.”
“Was she the same…kind as you?” Wayfinder asked inelegantly. “Another pony?”
“Rainbow Dash? Sort of.” Twilight looked thoughtful. “Technically almost everypony around here are…well…ponies. What you have to know is that there’s several types of ponies here. There’s the Earth Ponies, like you, and there’s the unicorns like me and the Pegasus ponies and then there’s also the alicorns which...”
She could tell from his blank expression the lesson would have to wait.
“Don’t worry about it for now.”
Her forehead growth began to give off a subtle light that grew and grew livelier as she concentrated.
“What are you doing?”
She opened her eyes and the light ended almost immediately.
“Oh. Right. Sorry. I’m going to teleport us to the royal palace. Celestia has my letter by now so she’ll know to expect us.”
“Excuse me…TELEPORT?”
“Uh huh.”
She closed her eyes and the light returned.
“It might seem a little…weird for a few moments, but you get used to transferring yourself through time and space. Just takes practice. I need to expend a little more effort taking a neophyte with me.”
“A what?”
“Somepony who hasn’t teleported before.” She kept her eyes tightly shut. “I take it you’ve never teleported before?”
“Nope.”
“Thought so. Just…stand still and don’t freak out so I can get a lock.”
The light was giving off sparks now and an inexplicable radiance was rising up in a perfect circle across the ground where the two of them stood. He began to feel sensation as if a wind was rising up beneath his feet.
“Wait!” He said, an abrupt disclosure striking him. “That’s a HORN on your head! You’re a unicorn aren’t…?”
And then a wall of brilliance rose up and swallowed him whole, the grass and the library spun away, and although his feet never felt like they left the ground the whole world around him turned inside out.
When he came to himself again he half expected to be looking at the walls of another room, his own room this time, and have only the lingering memories of the madcap dream drifting in his freshly wakened mind.
But the first thing he saw instead was a stern horse in golden armor, glaring at him unblinkingly.