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I wrote this story *glances at his watch* 4 years ago next week.
Ryan, a lowly code monkey at a video game programming firm, finds a very special brand of sodas.
Comments would be just great.
Ryan, a lowly code monkey at a video game programming firm, finds a very special brand of sodas.
Comments would be just great.
Category Story / Transformation
Species Raccoon
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 13 kB
Coon Cola by KitsuneKit
Ryan rolled in his waterbed and punched the alarm clock. The time on the clock shone red, eight forty-five. He was late for work; he had only fifteen minutes to get ready and go get to work at the Software Company. Ryan put on his white button down shirt, suit jacket and suits pants. He quickly combed his short brown hair and rushed out of his apartment and into his second hand beat up car.
He arrived ten minutes late to work. He had been late a couple of times before, but unfortunately his boss, Mr. Jefferson, was waiting for him. To say his boss was not a nice person to get along with, was an understatement. It didn’t matter if you cured cancer, put an end world hunger, and fixed the ozone, you were still scum to him. Mr. Jefferson was wearing an expensive Italian suit, a cheap toupee, and a grim expression on his chubby face.
“Ryan! You’re late again,” Mr. Jefferson said.
“Sorry, sir. I woke up late and the traffic was -” he tried to explain.
“I don’t care. That is the third time this week. If you have trouble waking up in the morning, maybe you can work nights. Starting tonight.”
“But, sir!”
“That’s enough. Now get working on that jumping matrix on the new game.”
“Yes, sir.”
Ryan slumped off to his mediocre, white-walled cubical. He plopped into his chair just as Traci came along to cheer him up. Traci had beautiful green eyes, eyes that a person could get lost in. Traci was beautiful, smart, had a nice personality, and Mr. Jefferson’s secretary. She had always liked Ryan but wasn’t brave enough to tell him. Ryan also liked Traci but he thought a girl like that would ever fall for a computer geek like him. Traci had seen the incident in the lobby and wanted to comfort him.
“Um… Sorry about what Mr. Jefferson did to you back there,” Traci said.
“It’s okay,” Ryan muttered, “at least I won’t have to see him during the day from now on."
“Yeah, he can be a pain”
“Yeah…Um…Traci, I was wondering if… you… um… would… uh… never mind.”
“What is it, Ryan?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Oh well, I guess I’ll see you later,” Traci said batting her eyelashes.
The warm glow and the flickering screen of the computer was the only thing Ryan saw until his lunch break. For lunch, he walked to the dinky little break room that the company provided for its employees. He was going to munch on the overpriced snacks from the vending machines and call it lunch.
In the break room, there were two uniformed men putting in a new machine. The large contraption appeared to be a drink machine with the words “Feel like a whole new person with…Change Cola!” written in green letters. Ryan pondered what this would mean to him. He knew this meant less in the budget, and he started his lunch. He scoffed down a ham sandwich, a bag of chips, and a chocolate bar. After his small meal, he was feeling kind of thirsty. He looked at the new drink machine. There were a large variety of drinks available. Ryan looked down the list of drinks; there were drinks like Sour Skunk Soda, Fox Fruit Punch, and Cherry Coon Cola. Using his last few quarters, Ryan punched the button for Cherry Coon Cola. The machine clucked a couple of times and nothing came out. After giving the machine a couple of whacks, a fresh can of soda popped out. He opened the can and it made a delightful carbonated hiss.
The soda was cold, refreshing and tasted like cherry soda. Ryan lightly crumpled the can and tossed in the recycling bin, completing his lunch. He glummly started to walk back to his cubical.
“Hmm… I don’t feel any different,” he said as he sat down back at his computer.
He continued to work on the jumping matrix but ten minutes after sitting behind the keyboard, he was bothered because his back being itchy. Stupid cheap chair, he thought. Grabbing a ruler, Ryan tried to scratch the itch. The feeling was relieving, scratching that itch. Unfortunately, as soon as he got one spot another spot started to itch until he was doing a little dance, trying to scratch himself. Just then Traci walked in.
“Oh! Um… Ryan, I see your working,” Traci scoffed, “he is the data sheet you requested. By the way, maybe I didn’t notice this morning, but are you growing a beard?”
Traci then turned and left. A beard, what beard? Ryan thought. He reached up and touched his chin. There he felt hair, but it felt different from normal hair; it felt softer. Quickly rushing to the bathroom, he went to inspect this new beard. He rushed in and quickly flung himself in front of a mirror. Indeed, he was growing a beard, but it was gray and soft. How can this be I’m only 23, he thought. Then, all of a sudden his skin was starting to feel tingly. The hair from his beard was spreading, right before his eyes. The soft, gray hair grew down his neck and across the top of his chest. What the heck is happening, Ryan thought, his mind racing. It looked like fur, animal fur. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like he had two black eyes, but then, he saw that, in fact, had black fur growing around his eyes. He let out a gasp and quickly saw that his teeth were becoming pointed. Ryan stood shaking in fear. Then it came, like a waterfall, all the tiny sounds of the bathroom can rushing into Ryan’s ears. He could hear the water flowing through the pipes and the metal softly creaking in the building. He didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that his ears had changed. Feeling the top of his head, he came across two furry, pointed ears.
Not knowing what else to do, he rushed from the bathroom to find help. The first person he bumped into screamed and ran off throwing papers everywhere. He had to find someone. Luckily, he spotted Traci walking with her back turned to him, down a hall. Ryan zoomed over to get help.
“Traci…” Ryan said, tapping her on the shoulder.
Traci turned around and came face to face with some furry beast.
She screamed at the top of her lungs, “AHH! A monster! A monster! Get a way from me!”
“Traci, Traci, Traci, calm down, it’s me. It’s Ryan.”
Gasping for air, ”Ryan? But how? What happened?”
“I don’t know”
“Well let’s hide you, quick, before someone sees you.”
The plan was to hide in an empty office and find out what cause the sudden change. Ryan scratched his forearm then fumbled with the doorknob and quickly saw why. His hand changed, they too were growing fur, but the fingers were now the all the same length (leaving him with no thumb) and each had a pointed claw on the end. Ryan struggled and managed to open it with his new paws. Traci and Ryan scurried into the empty office. Ryan, who miraculously didn’t have a nervous breakdown by this point, inspected himself. He had pointy ears, paws, sharp teeth, and soft gray fur form his head to his belly and down his arms. The two co-workers sat down and try to figure it out logically.
“Did you do anything different today?” Traci asked.
Ryan replied, “No, nothing. I got up, came to work, got yelled at, talked to you, worked, ate lunch, then the changes started.”
“What did you have for lunch?”
“Snacks from the vending machines.”
“That’s not healthy you know.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try to watch my form. Oh! …and a Cherry Soda from the new machine.”
“Oh my gosh!” Traci said in astonishment
“What is it!”
“Ryan, you have a tail!”
“What the?”
Ryan turned his furry head to see a heavy, furry, gray and black striped tail swishing around over the top of his pants. How can this be? Ryan thought. The tail was twitching subconsciencly. With little effort he found he could move it. It can’t be, he thought, with fur I can shave and claws I can file, but a tail is a whole new limb. He touched it. It was soft and warm and he could feel his hand touch his tail. It was indeed real. The gray and black fur made it look like raccoon’s tail. That is when it all clicked.
“Traci, warble, the soda must be changing me into a raccoon, chitter,” Ryan said unable to stop the chitters from escaping.
Ryan went to run to the soda machine, but tripped. His legs felt tingly and itchy. He knew he had fur growing down his legs. He tried to stand up but felt more comfortable on four legs rather than two.
“Ryan, I’ll go. Tell me, where is the soda machine?” Traci asked.
“Chitter, In break room A, chitter,” Ryan chittered.
Ryan then groaned in pain as his skull started to extend. He could see his nose turn black and shiny. It grew until it was the size of a short muzzle. It was then that the room started to spin. He watched in horror as Traci, the desk, the whole world grew larger and larger. Ryan’s suit piled around him, until he had the feeling of being in a collapsed tent. He crawled out of this clothes and looked up at Traci. He was now of the size and appearance of an adult raccoon. And with the change of size, came a wave of new instincts. He wanted to run, he wanted to panic, he was inside a building during the daytime, this was wrong. With a deep breath, he held back the instincts. Traci looked at the raccoon that stood before her. Ryan tried to say some thing but only warbling and chittering came out.
“Ryan, are you still in there? Listen to me, don’t lose yourself, fight it, I need you.” Traci sobbed and then ran off in the direction of the break room.
Ryan sat and waited in the lonely, empty office for her return.
Traci ran down the hallway, pushing several people aside until she reached the empty break room and saw the new machine. She went to inspect it but found nothing odd about it. It was like any other soda machine. So she when in search of the can. She flipped over the trashcan, spilling the contents on the tile floor. Rummaging through the garbage, she came across Ryan’s old can. Sitting in the trash she looked over the lightly crumpled can. It had a cute picture of a raccoon on it and said Cherry Coon Cola on the side. Turning the can, she glanced over the usual ingredient list and nutrition fact table. Under the table was a disclaimer. It read: “Any and all effects of this product are of a permanent and nonrefundable effect. Void where prohibited. Remember to recycle.” Permanent?!, Oh no! Traci thought. She crumpled up in the garbage in her hand as she collapsed on the floor and started crying. She glared at the soda machine as it shone with an almost menacing glow. Traci then stood up, pulled out a couple of quarters from her purse and bought a drink.
Ryan was testing out his new body. He took in all the new smells and sounds that his heightened senses allowed him to have. He was just about to take all the shiny pens from the desk when a female raccoon with green eyes walked into the office. Ryan instantly recognized the smell. It was Traci.
“Hi, Ryan.” Traci warbled.
“Traci, what did you do?” Ryan chittered.
“The changes are permanent and I knew I couldn’t live without you. If that means I have to be a raccoon then so be it. Ryan, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Ryan chittered back.
The two raccoon kissed each other then they left the office to start a new life together.
Guess Ryan will still be working the nightshift though.
Epilogue:
Traci and Ryan now live a peaceful life in the park. Getting handouts from old ladies and chasing squirrels from their tree. They even have a litter on the way soon. Life is a whole lot better now. No taxes, no worries, and no people like Mr. Jefferson. By the way, Ryan decided to leave Mr. Jefferson a going away present. I wonder if Mr. Jefferson likes Sour Skunk Soda.
The End
Ryan rolled in his waterbed and punched the alarm clock. The time on the clock shone red, eight forty-five. He was late for work; he had only fifteen minutes to get ready and go get to work at the Software Company. Ryan put on his white button down shirt, suit jacket and suits pants. He quickly combed his short brown hair and rushed out of his apartment and into his second hand beat up car.
He arrived ten minutes late to work. He had been late a couple of times before, but unfortunately his boss, Mr. Jefferson, was waiting for him. To say his boss was not a nice person to get along with, was an understatement. It didn’t matter if you cured cancer, put an end world hunger, and fixed the ozone, you were still scum to him. Mr. Jefferson was wearing an expensive Italian suit, a cheap toupee, and a grim expression on his chubby face.
“Ryan! You’re late again,” Mr. Jefferson said.
“Sorry, sir. I woke up late and the traffic was -” he tried to explain.
“I don’t care. That is the third time this week. If you have trouble waking up in the morning, maybe you can work nights. Starting tonight.”
“But, sir!”
“That’s enough. Now get working on that jumping matrix on the new game.”
“Yes, sir.”
Ryan slumped off to his mediocre, white-walled cubical. He plopped into his chair just as Traci came along to cheer him up. Traci had beautiful green eyes, eyes that a person could get lost in. Traci was beautiful, smart, had a nice personality, and Mr. Jefferson’s secretary. She had always liked Ryan but wasn’t brave enough to tell him. Ryan also liked Traci but he thought a girl like that would ever fall for a computer geek like him. Traci had seen the incident in the lobby and wanted to comfort him.
“Um… Sorry about what Mr. Jefferson did to you back there,” Traci said.
“It’s okay,” Ryan muttered, “at least I won’t have to see him during the day from now on."
“Yeah, he can be a pain”
“Yeah…Um…Traci, I was wondering if… you… um… would… uh… never mind.”
“What is it, Ryan?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Oh well, I guess I’ll see you later,” Traci said batting her eyelashes.
The warm glow and the flickering screen of the computer was the only thing Ryan saw until his lunch break. For lunch, he walked to the dinky little break room that the company provided for its employees. He was going to munch on the overpriced snacks from the vending machines and call it lunch.
In the break room, there were two uniformed men putting in a new machine. The large contraption appeared to be a drink machine with the words “Feel like a whole new person with…Change Cola!” written in green letters. Ryan pondered what this would mean to him. He knew this meant less in the budget, and he started his lunch. He scoffed down a ham sandwich, a bag of chips, and a chocolate bar. After his small meal, he was feeling kind of thirsty. He looked at the new drink machine. There were a large variety of drinks available. Ryan looked down the list of drinks; there were drinks like Sour Skunk Soda, Fox Fruit Punch, and Cherry Coon Cola. Using his last few quarters, Ryan punched the button for Cherry Coon Cola. The machine clucked a couple of times and nothing came out. After giving the machine a couple of whacks, a fresh can of soda popped out. He opened the can and it made a delightful carbonated hiss.
The soda was cold, refreshing and tasted like cherry soda. Ryan lightly crumpled the can and tossed in the recycling bin, completing his lunch. He glummly started to walk back to his cubical.
“Hmm… I don’t feel any different,” he said as he sat down back at his computer.
He continued to work on the jumping matrix but ten minutes after sitting behind the keyboard, he was bothered because his back being itchy. Stupid cheap chair, he thought. Grabbing a ruler, Ryan tried to scratch the itch. The feeling was relieving, scratching that itch. Unfortunately, as soon as he got one spot another spot started to itch until he was doing a little dance, trying to scratch himself. Just then Traci walked in.
“Oh! Um… Ryan, I see your working,” Traci scoffed, “he is the data sheet you requested. By the way, maybe I didn’t notice this morning, but are you growing a beard?”
Traci then turned and left. A beard, what beard? Ryan thought. He reached up and touched his chin. There he felt hair, but it felt different from normal hair; it felt softer. Quickly rushing to the bathroom, he went to inspect this new beard. He rushed in and quickly flung himself in front of a mirror. Indeed, he was growing a beard, but it was gray and soft. How can this be I’m only 23, he thought. Then, all of a sudden his skin was starting to feel tingly. The hair from his beard was spreading, right before his eyes. The soft, gray hair grew down his neck and across the top of his chest. What the heck is happening, Ryan thought, his mind racing. It looked like fur, animal fur. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like he had two black eyes, but then, he saw that, in fact, had black fur growing around his eyes. He let out a gasp and quickly saw that his teeth were becoming pointed. Ryan stood shaking in fear. Then it came, like a waterfall, all the tiny sounds of the bathroom can rushing into Ryan’s ears. He could hear the water flowing through the pipes and the metal softly creaking in the building. He didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that his ears had changed. Feeling the top of his head, he came across two furry, pointed ears.
Not knowing what else to do, he rushed from the bathroom to find help. The first person he bumped into screamed and ran off throwing papers everywhere. He had to find someone. Luckily, he spotted Traci walking with her back turned to him, down a hall. Ryan zoomed over to get help.
“Traci…” Ryan said, tapping her on the shoulder.
Traci turned around and came face to face with some furry beast.
She screamed at the top of her lungs, “AHH! A monster! A monster! Get a way from me!”
“Traci, Traci, Traci, calm down, it’s me. It’s Ryan.”
Gasping for air, ”Ryan? But how? What happened?”
“I don’t know”
“Well let’s hide you, quick, before someone sees you.”
The plan was to hide in an empty office and find out what cause the sudden change. Ryan scratched his forearm then fumbled with the doorknob and quickly saw why. His hand changed, they too were growing fur, but the fingers were now the all the same length (leaving him with no thumb) and each had a pointed claw on the end. Ryan struggled and managed to open it with his new paws. Traci and Ryan scurried into the empty office. Ryan, who miraculously didn’t have a nervous breakdown by this point, inspected himself. He had pointy ears, paws, sharp teeth, and soft gray fur form his head to his belly and down his arms. The two co-workers sat down and try to figure it out logically.
“Did you do anything different today?” Traci asked.
Ryan replied, “No, nothing. I got up, came to work, got yelled at, talked to you, worked, ate lunch, then the changes started.”
“What did you have for lunch?”
“Snacks from the vending machines.”
“That’s not healthy you know.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try to watch my form. Oh! …and a Cherry Soda from the new machine.”
“Oh my gosh!” Traci said in astonishment
“What is it!”
“Ryan, you have a tail!”
“What the?”
Ryan turned his furry head to see a heavy, furry, gray and black striped tail swishing around over the top of his pants. How can this be? Ryan thought. The tail was twitching subconsciencly. With little effort he found he could move it. It can’t be, he thought, with fur I can shave and claws I can file, but a tail is a whole new limb. He touched it. It was soft and warm and he could feel his hand touch his tail. It was indeed real. The gray and black fur made it look like raccoon’s tail. That is when it all clicked.
“Traci, warble, the soda must be changing me into a raccoon, chitter,” Ryan said unable to stop the chitters from escaping.
Ryan went to run to the soda machine, but tripped. His legs felt tingly and itchy. He knew he had fur growing down his legs. He tried to stand up but felt more comfortable on four legs rather than two.
“Ryan, I’ll go. Tell me, where is the soda machine?” Traci asked.
“Chitter, In break room A, chitter,” Ryan chittered.
Ryan then groaned in pain as his skull started to extend. He could see his nose turn black and shiny. It grew until it was the size of a short muzzle. It was then that the room started to spin. He watched in horror as Traci, the desk, the whole world grew larger and larger. Ryan’s suit piled around him, until he had the feeling of being in a collapsed tent. He crawled out of this clothes and looked up at Traci. He was now of the size and appearance of an adult raccoon. And with the change of size, came a wave of new instincts. He wanted to run, he wanted to panic, he was inside a building during the daytime, this was wrong. With a deep breath, he held back the instincts. Traci looked at the raccoon that stood before her. Ryan tried to say some thing but only warbling and chittering came out.
“Ryan, are you still in there? Listen to me, don’t lose yourself, fight it, I need you.” Traci sobbed and then ran off in the direction of the break room.
Ryan sat and waited in the lonely, empty office for her return.
Traci ran down the hallway, pushing several people aside until she reached the empty break room and saw the new machine. She went to inspect it but found nothing odd about it. It was like any other soda machine. So she when in search of the can. She flipped over the trashcan, spilling the contents on the tile floor. Rummaging through the garbage, she came across Ryan’s old can. Sitting in the trash she looked over the lightly crumpled can. It had a cute picture of a raccoon on it and said Cherry Coon Cola on the side. Turning the can, she glanced over the usual ingredient list and nutrition fact table. Under the table was a disclaimer. It read: “Any and all effects of this product are of a permanent and nonrefundable effect. Void where prohibited. Remember to recycle.” Permanent?!, Oh no! Traci thought. She crumpled up in the garbage in her hand as she collapsed on the floor and started crying. She glared at the soda machine as it shone with an almost menacing glow. Traci then stood up, pulled out a couple of quarters from her purse and bought a drink.
Ryan was testing out his new body. He took in all the new smells and sounds that his heightened senses allowed him to have. He was just about to take all the shiny pens from the desk when a female raccoon with green eyes walked into the office. Ryan instantly recognized the smell. It was Traci.
“Hi, Ryan.” Traci warbled.
“Traci, what did you do?” Ryan chittered.
“The changes are permanent and I knew I couldn’t live without you. If that means I have to be a raccoon then so be it. Ryan, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Ryan chittered back.
The two raccoon kissed each other then they left the office to start a new life together.
Guess Ryan will still be working the nightshift though.
Epilogue:
Traci and Ryan now live a peaceful life in the park. Getting handouts from old ladies and chasing squirrels from their tree. They even have a litter on the way soon. Life is a whole lot better now. No taxes, no worries, and no people like Mr. Jefferson. By the way, Ryan decided to leave Mr. Jefferson a going away present. I wonder if Mr. Jefferson likes Sour Skunk Soda.
The End
Indeed you are cool. But in all honesty, it's just not a story that I ever really got into.
However, the Rock Opera Version of Franz Kafka is awesome. {Video Link}
However, the Rock Opera Version of Franz Kafka is awesome. {Video Link}
Alright, proper critique time.
A few things really stuck out with me. First, I love the idea. I really like idea and you described the office atmosphere really well. I felt you could have added a bit more detail to the relationship between Traci and Ryan. You said that the two liked each other, but you barely described it. Maybe if you added another scene, or you added to the first time they meet. I think that that would help a bit at the end, when she turns into a raccoon to be with him. It seems a bit just for someone who just has a little crush, or at least to me.
I really liked the way you described how Ryan changed. His reaction was a bit cliché, but you still had some fun with it. When he went into thought, though, it was a bit confusing without any way to distinguish it with the other text. Making it in italics or using parentheses like speech would help out. Also, using sounds like "chitter" in the middle of a sentence is a bit confusing, as well. Maybe if you described it like: " “In break room A,” Ryan said between high pitched chitters, " or something. But that's just me. Sound effects are a bit of a pet peeve of mine.
Also, this story also suffers from the biggest problems of TF stories: The post TF hang! So there they are, two raccoons stuck in a office building, with a lot of people around... and the story ends. The little epilogue is nice, but I'd have liked to at least have seen them escape.
Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh, but I do really like the story. It is one of my favorites, for sure. (:
A few things really stuck out with me. First, I love the idea. I really like idea and you described the office atmosphere really well. I felt you could have added a bit more detail to the relationship between Traci and Ryan. You said that the two liked each other, but you barely described it. Maybe if you added another scene, or you added to the first time they meet. I think that that would help a bit at the end, when she turns into a raccoon to be with him. It seems a bit just for someone who just has a little crush, or at least to me.
I really liked the way you described how Ryan changed. His reaction was a bit cliché, but you still had some fun with it. When he went into thought, though, it was a bit confusing without any way to distinguish it with the other text. Making it in italics or using parentheses like speech would help out. Also, using sounds like "chitter" in the middle of a sentence is a bit confusing, as well. Maybe if you described it like: " “In break room A,” Ryan said between high pitched chitters, " or something. But that's just me. Sound effects are a bit of a pet peeve of mine.
Also, this story also suffers from the biggest problems of TF stories: The post TF hang! So there they are, two raccoons stuck in a office building, with a lot of people around... and the story ends. The little epilogue is nice, but I'd have liked to at least have seen them escape.
Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh, but I do really like the story. It is one of my favorites, for sure. (:
You don't sound harsh. You are right on all points. Thanks for the Critique, I know where I need improvement now.
As for the Post TF hang, I couldn't really think of anything for them to do after they transformed, so I just fast forward past that part.
I'll put more detail into it next time I write one of these kind of things.
As for the Post TF hang, I couldn't really think of anything for them to do after they transformed, so I just fast forward past that part.
I'll put more detail into it next time I write one of these kind of things.
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE post the rest of the stories!!!!!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH! Yeah, but I didn't write them. They were all written by people from Rusty's Raccoon website. Check it out: http://coontf.xepher.net/PunBB/view.....60&p=1
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