Recently, my job has been screwing me over, taking away 3/4 of the work i was hired to do, and added lots of "startup" work, saying because i wont make a career out of it (10+years) that they wont train me for a higher position, even though i told them at the beginning i would be there 2 years tops and they agreed. so now that ive moved out of the house, have my own apartment, my own car, etc, they know they have me by the balls. so now im doing shitty work... just anything and everything they need done... even though im qualified to have a technician job (i have over 5 years experience with them already) so now im looking for other work while i work there...
throughout my whole life ive had overly high hopes for this and that, and fall down flat on my face when i realise i seem to suck at most everything. or maybe, i get mediocre at allot of things instead of focusing on one thing, idk.
For the last year or so, ive been trying to figure out what to do as far as school/training goes, and i haven't made it very far, it seems like every route costs too much, or is not going to work with my work schedule. on top of that, ill admit, ive never been a "smart" person. and still struggle with lots of basic academic subjects which has made a 4 year college degree unattainable. (spent 2 years trying) now that im back in NH ive been trying to take just the classes im good at, and will be useful to a perspective job. and like i said, i have not been able to fit them in.
i have had a bunch of social issues too, i miss being at college, and being with people who i love and trust... Other than the fur meets ive hosted, i dont see anyone but coworkers and customers, i feel like im losing touch with my old friends too, and my sanity with it. now as i look on facebook, im constantly reminded this friend and that are farther ahead in life, better jobs, spouses, and the like...
ive had misunderstandings and arguments with some new friends as well, and im afraid i have ruined some relationships by being such an obsessive ass, trying to please, and fit in. or maybe not listening to people needs instead of what i think they need... unfortunately, I can be happy with most people, but I don't think many can be happy with me...
with all this happening, i have been developing anxiety, and depression... I've never had bad problems with them before, and as it stands my axiety makes me obsessive and mostly just adds stress to me, as i try to make sense of things in my mind. my depression makes spending time with me, no fun, and probably a bother. and how could i blame them. im not suicidal, and never will be, but i often reach the end of my rope, crying for no reason, laying on the floor thinking of how things could be better, or how i could try to fix them, only to brush them off, like they were too hard or unattainable. i can feel the stress in my body build, and ache, with no way to release, or give in. so i try to sleep, lying in bed for hours, pondering how i got this way. i guess, thusfar this has been my best attempt to release... i dont know where to go from here, and i guess all i can ask is if you have experienced this before, could you help? maybe give me some advice...

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At this point, i just need to say, im sorry to my friends, for anything i put you through while i figure all this out.
i love you all dearly,
-Jovo