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There's something wrong with me... Because... I don't know what I am...
I always thought the problem was that I felt not considered, not accepted by the society... But maybe the real problem isn't it, maybe the problem is that I'm simply not sure of what I am...
The problem is my sexuality... I'm so confused, because I always felt somewhat different from the mass... I mean, I've never felt love for someone, it never happened... But I always found attractive how the people is, instead of how they are made... That's why I think I'm pansexual, because in the end I don't care about the appearance of someone, even for the gender... I'm only searching someone with whom I could feel... happy.
But this never happened, and still today it's like this. Yes, I felt something in the past for some girls, and today maybe I feel something for a guy, but... I'm not sure if there was and there is something now... If it's love... I really don't know...
I always thought that I'm aromantic, I thought this was the reason... but I also don't find attraction in the body of the others... It never happened that I felt desire with only watching a girl walking on the street, and the same is for guys... But... I think I could feel sexual attraction, but only if I know this person very good...
At the same time, I feel excited when I watch NSFW porn on the web, of every kind (apart from fetishes), but I think I'm attracted by the... sexual act, and not by the bodies of the lovers...
Also, another problem is that I'm incredibly shy in real life, and I'm awkward with girls... For this reason, I usually hang out with guys, and almost never with girls... I feel more comfortable with guys, with women is more difficult to be themselves, it's difficult to approach them... And I've never felt the desire to really try to go out with them... I've never felt this need, if it happened it was because I was with other friends and I've meet them...
...Why everything is so complex for me?
I always thought the problem was that I felt not considered, not accepted by the society... But maybe the real problem isn't it, maybe the problem is that I'm simply not sure of what I am...
The problem is my sexuality... I'm so confused, because I always felt somewhat different from the mass... I mean, I've never felt love for someone, it never happened... But I always found attractive how the people is, instead of how they are made... That's why I think I'm pansexual, because in the end I don't care about the appearance of someone, even for the gender... I'm only searching someone with whom I could feel... happy.
But this never happened, and still today it's like this. Yes, I felt something in the past for some girls, and today maybe I feel something for a guy, but... I'm not sure if there was and there is something now... If it's love... I really don't know...
I always thought that I'm aromantic, I thought this was the reason... but I also don't find attraction in the body of the others... It never happened that I felt desire with only watching a girl walking on the street, and the same is for guys... But... I think I could feel sexual attraction, but only if I know this person very good...
At the same time, I feel excited when I watch NSFW porn on the web, of every kind (apart from fetishes), but I think I'm attracted by the... sexual act, and not by the bodies of the lovers...
Also, another problem is that I'm incredibly shy in real life, and I'm awkward with girls... For this reason, I usually hang out with guys, and almost never with girls... I feel more comfortable with guys, with women is more difficult to be themselves, it's difficult to approach them... And I've never felt the desire to really try to go out with them... I've never felt this need, if it happened it was because I was with other friends and I've meet them...
...Why everything is so complex for me?
Category Artwork (Digital) / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Size 1000 x 1000px
File Size 193 kB
"...Why everything is so complex for me?"
Life is like that.
But you're only 19 - as your profile says - trust me when I say that soon or later you'll find your own way. Talk, meet new people both online and irl, travel as much as possible to discover new things, new ideas. Do things you've never done. Explore your limits.
I started to get things right in my head not before the age of 20 - when I started university, I am 25 now - so I can tell you that knowing ourselves takes time. Far from knowing everything about me, but I also think that life itself is understanding what we want.
Just, keep searching dude! ;)
Life is like that.
But you're only 19 - as your profile says - trust me when I say that soon or later you'll find your own way. Talk, meet new people both online and irl, travel as much as possible to discover new things, new ideas. Do things you've never done. Explore your limits.
I started to get things right in my head not before the age of 20 - when I started university, I am 25 now - so I can tell you that knowing ourselves takes time. Far from knowing everything about me, but I also think that life itself is understanding what we want.
Just, keep searching dude! ;)
This is basically me the last half a year. :/ Although I did have romantic attraction to one girl, it was because she helped me make a YouTube account back when I didn't have a phone (still don't though) to do so and we talked everyday on there. That's why I feel like my romantic and sexual orientation are pretty much what you have on your profile. (Demiromantic and gay) (And possibly gender identity too.) It really doesn't feel good feeling like you don't know yourself anymore. ;w;
A lot of things changed from when I've drawn this, today I'm pretty sure of myself, but I don't say think cannot change, who now... for now, I think I'm gay (as fuck xD) and demiromantic, these terms describes me well. I just focus on the present, I don't think to the future.
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